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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1993-09-29, Page 5Arthur Black International Scene THE CITIZEN; WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1993. PAGE 5. MacDonaldization of sports reporting had to come If / ever needed a brain transplant, I'd choose a sports writer's, because I'd want a brain that had never been used. — Norm Van Brocklin Good old Norm, a football player back in the 60's was known for long yards and a short fuse. He was especially quick- tempered around sports writers, especially when they asked stupid questions. Which sports writers do a good deal of the time. But then, look what they have to work with. After all, million-dollar shortstops and megabuck goalies don't exactly have to be Rhodes Scholars to do what they do for a living. Aside from their God-given ability, athletes only need about five clichds to deke their way through the average sports interview. "Knuckles, how much would you say each player is giving out there, today?" "Uninurimmm, I'd say a hunnert an' ten percent, Floyd." "And how are you going to finish the race for the pennant?" "Uhhhhhh...we're gonna play it one game The high cost of a car I would hazard a guess that, after a house, the biggest single expense incurred by a family is either the cost of buying and maintaining a car or raising a teenager. Since cars are very much a hybrid article to the extent that one is never quite sure how much is produced in Canada and how much originates elsewhere, we can look at it within the scope of this column much more easily than we can an indigenous teenager. I got thinking about cars partly because I own two foreign ones (Mazda) and partly because I had read that Chrysler took a strike vote in case the round of negotiations did not meet with the union's satisfaction. Frankly, I am at a loss to understand why the union would have considered a strike in these times but then life has always been full of surprises. Part of my surprise is, however, due to the fact that I have just discovered that, while it took an North American buyer about 17.5 weeks of work in order to pay for a car in 1973, by 1983 that amount had risen to 22.5 weeks and in 1993 to 25.5. In short cars are costing us more and more all the time and you can bet that, by the time management and union get to the bottom line (with or without strikes), they will cost even more. If the price of North American cars is on the upswing, the Japanese, for one, cannot be said to be gloating. Due to increased production costs but mainly to the rise in the Japanese yen against the American dollar (and thus the Canadian dollar), the price of one of their home-built cars has been rising by about five to 10 per cent a year. Proof of this has come in the loss of market share. In addition, German labour costs have gone up at a time." "And how would you describe your teammates?" "I'd say that they came to play, Floyd." "What about your opponents?" "Uhhh...well, ya gotta remember, they put on their skates/cleats/running shoes/jock straps one leg at a time, Floyd." "And what's the most important thing to remember when you're bearing down on that goal/hoop/one-yard line/dartboard/pool cue? "Duhhhh, I'd say 'concentration', Floyd." Somebody once asked the great Gordie Howe if he was bilingual. Gordie replied, "All hockey players are bilingual — they speak English and profanity." Well, some athletes are trilingual. Yogi Berra comes to mind. The famous Yankee catcher spoke a dialect so convoluted and esoteric that he was its only known practitioner. Some famous Berraisms: "You can learn a lot by watching." "If the people don't wanna come out to the ballpark, nobody's gonna stop them." "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." "Ninety-nine percent of this game is half mental." Yogi wasn't the only sports figure to mangle the language. When someone asked Georgia basketball coach Hugh Graham to describe his philosophy, Graham replied: "It's not how good you can play when you play good. It's how good you play when you to the point where German cars are not the bargains they once were; it is an open secret that Audi is considering building a plant in southwestern Ontario to offset these high domestic costs. One thing I have always found both annoying and confusing is that it is extremely difficult to get a handle on prices anywhere. To me the sticker price is next to meaningless. For a while we were looking at all sorts of rebates; these have declined considerably in the last little while but, even if an automobile producer tells the public that prices are rising at a rate less than inflation, what does that actually mean. You would think that excess capacity in the automobile industry would have kept prices lower than they currently are but such is, unfortunately, not the case. Right now the industry seems to be more concerned about over capacity than it is about higher prices. As I write there is evidence that Volvo of Sweden and Renault of France will actually consummate their long rumoured marriage. While both of the above firms are presently making a profit, as far as Renault is concerned, such a profit is possible only because the company was bailed out financially by the French government. Of the two, Volvo is obviously the weaker although it makes a good, solid product but then so does Volkswagen. This has not prevented the Giant German firm from finding itself in very rough waters. It seems only a short time ago that the German market was booming. There was all this pent-up demand in the eastern part of the country as consumers got rid of their flimsy Trabants and the like. However, in 1992 the German market went flat just at the time that Volkswagen, along with other German manufacturers, found themselves with the most expensive auto workers in the world. To add to the problem, Volkswagen finds itself in a colossal row with General Motors in the poaching from the latter of Jose Ignacio Lopez and seven colleagues. Mr. Lopez, who gained fame at GM for his play bad and we can play bad as good as anyone in the country." With raw material like that, it's no wonder sports writers strike out once in a while. But perhaps not for much longer. I shudder to report that there is a new computer program available from a firm in Missouri. It's aimed at newspapers which regularly carry high school football summaries, and it kind of cuts out the middle man — which is to say, the sports writer. What the Zybrainics Sportswriter Program does, is submit a questionnaire to the coach of the team. The questionnaire has spaces for OPPONENT, GAME DATE, GAME LOCATION and WEATHER. Then, it has a series of blanks, preceded by questions such as: IN COMPARISON TO OUR TALENT, OPPONENT WAS: CLEARLY INFERIOR/ROUGHLY EQUAL/CLEARLY SUPERIOR. ASSESSMENT OF YOUR TEAM'S PERFORMANCE (COACH'S QUOTE). GAME WINNING SCORE OR PLAY: QUARTER/TIME/DESCRIPTION (START WITH PLAYER NAME). The MacDonaldization of sports reporting. It had to come. Reminds me of the story about the excuse Milwaukee Brewers infielder Jim Gantner used to explain why he missed a scheduled interview on a radio show. "Jeez...I clean forgot. I musta had ambrosia." cost-cutting measures, was expected to do the same for Volkswagen. How successful he will be, even if he gets a chance to work for the German firm, remains to be seen. Will Volkswagen have to be bailed out by the German government or will it, too, look for some firm for amalgamation purposes? Stay timed! Needless to say, shedding labour is standard for the automobile industry all over. To cite one example, Mercedes-Benz has already cut 20,000 jobs from its work force and is prepared to cut a further 14,000 by the end of 1994. With this background it makes the threatened strikes by auto unions all the more ludicrous. If there is a strike, or even if there is not, expect consumers to end up carrying the can for the wage settlement. HAVE AN OPINION? The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. They must be signed and should be accompanied by a telephone number should we need to clarify any information. The Citizen reserves the right to edit or not print letters. PLEASE try to limit Jetters to 300 words or kat The Short of it By Bonnie Gropp Not a bad legacy if I may say so Having just celebrated a birthday, I caught myself thinking a little bit lately about what kind of mark, if any I have made during my time here. I should note, I suppose, in case you get the idea that my birthday brings about depression, that this bit of introspection was not a birth from the blues, but more like a bit of whimsy instigated by the fact that I was sitting on my tush accomplishing absolutely nothing at that point. There are many ways to leave an indelible legacy; those belonging to high profile people tend to be more obvious than most. Comedian Jack Benny will be forever young at 39, while ball player Dave Winfield had his 3,000th career hit this month, just a few weeks before his 42nd birthday. Singer, actor, director producer Barbra Streisand, who has copped almost virtually every award known, is also the all-time top record selling female artist. Then there's Dave Monday, who decided to make a splash by going over Niagara Falls in a barrel and surviving, twice no less. Some, like convicted serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer have left legacies better, but never, forgotten. Though avant garde artist Andy Warhol is famous for having said that everyone would enjoy 15 minutes of fame, in the real world the impressions we make and leave behind are often so modest as to go almost unnoticed. Many people, anonymous to us, will be remembered by others for their selfless dedication to community betterment through countless volunteer hours. Others make their contributions a little further afield helping charities and agencies either financially or again with tireless physical efforts. There are the instigators, who see a need and get it going and the go-getters, who appear to be everywhere you look, keeping the energy high. Some have accumulated rewards, others' rewards come from what they accumulate. One young man I have known for many years, for example, has acquired more friends than you or I would have occasion to meet in a lifetime. He was recently honoured, with his bride-to-be at a party, which was attended by some 600 people, who know and genuinely like this guy. He is one of those people who have never failed to see the good side and finds humour in almost every situation. His genuine warmth and charm have earned him the respect and admiration of his peers. There are also examples of visual enhancement to the world, the works of local artists, designers and craftspeople. So after looking at all the ways people can make a difference in other's lives, I eventually came back to me; where do I fit into this big picture? One thing I have always joked about is that I am the perfect example of being average. Unfortunately, though I think there may be too many of us for that to have any impact, so I gave myself a little quiz. What have I done that will live on when I'm gone? What have I accomplished that I'm proud of? Have I created anything worthy of notice? My answer to these questions was the same as it has always been when I so some soul searching — my children— the best work i've ever done. And not a bad legacy, if I may say so myself.