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The Citizen, 1993-08-11, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 1993. PAGE 5. Arthur Black Architects having fun What has happened to architec- ture...that the only passers-by who can contemplate it without pain are those equipped with a white stick and a dog? Bernard Levin I'm not sure office buildings ARE even architecture. They're really a mathematical calculation, just three- dimensional investments. Gordon Bunshaft It may be rank heresy to say so, but I think Levin and Bunshaft are out of touch. Oh, modem architecture has been fairly horrific for the past half century or so — all those monolithic 60-storey refrigerator cartons marching off to the horizon — but I think I detect a decided change for the better. My firm just moved into new digs in deepest darkest downtown Toronto, and you know what? The city skyscape is spectacular. Oh, sure there are still too many boring old boxes littering the land, but they are slowly but surely being upstaged by a dazzling constellation of turrets and spires and arches of glass and steel. Colours are coming on strong, too. The Humour here and there One of the benefits of wandering around Europe, albeit at a rather hectic pace at times, is that you get a greater sampling of the world press than you do in all but the largest Canadians cities. I am thus able to read considerably more about world comment than at other times of the year. In keeping with my vowed intention of writing my articles on the light side for a while, I am pleased to report some of the humourous things that were said or done recently in various parts of our planet. I have no way of knowing if any of them also appeared in the Canadian press so just skip over any parts that you may have already heard or, if you insist on reading, make a comparison of my version with how you heard it elsewhere. I know that sex discrimination is considered to be a serious topic but in some cases it is very much a question of beauty (or discrimination) being in the eyes of the beholder. I have one report from Europe where a group of men was accused by a yoking girl (dressed, it seems, in a modem version of a mini skirt) of "ogling" her too intensely. I would presume that similar accusations have been made elsewhere but in Europe it is stretching it a bit to make such a charge. But the men are fighting back. A report out of Great Britain states that a good 40 per cent of all sex discrimination charges in hiring practices last year were made by men. Trying to find a precise definition of such discrimination is going to be as difficult and interesting as finding one for pornography. The world was amused to learn that President Clinton decided to have a $200 haircut while sitting in a plane at the end of drab look of raw cement that was such a rage just a few years back is suddenly as dead as the Edsel. Some of the new buildings are forest green and cobalt blue and iridescent pink. The one I'm in sports saucy red stripes up and down its flanks. Reminds the of a Swiss Army Knife. Wacky and wondrous edifices speckle the Hogtown landscape. Viewed from a distance, the famous SkyDome resembles some colossal Galapagos tortoise lumbering through the downtown core. There's a life insurance building near Mount Pleasant and Bloor graced with flying buttresses and vaulting walkways and glittering domes. It looks like some crenelated fantasy castle straight out of Tinkerbell's Magic Kingdom. And I love it. All of it. It looks to me like architects are finally having some fun. Let's hope it lasts. Public fashion is a fickle old fop. This year's toast of the town can turn into next year's used-to-be quicker than you can say deely hoppers and disco boots. And the next major architectural left turn might not be nearly as appealing. I note, for instance, a 19th century town house in London's Hammersmith Grove. The two-storey brick structure was the subject of a feature article in Vogue magazine recently — though it's hard to understand why when you see the photographs. the runway at Los Angeles. The first time I read that, my initial thought was that this was about the price European barbers charge me on one of my infrequent visits to their salons. However, what really made me laugh was the assertion that the impromptu haircut caused two runways to be closed. Come on now! There is absolutely no way that the air traffic controllers would allow a plane, presidential or otherwise, to block any runway short of a full fledged emergency. Yet poor old President Bill had to be subjected to any amount of scorn. I am glad to report, however, that the matter has been cleared up. There was no closing of runways whatsoever nor was there apparently any problem. Somebody just wanted to embarrass the president and apparently succeeded. I have recently discovered a new way to handle debt, i.e. bankruptcy. Owners of a large farm in Australia found that they could not handle the multi-million dollar debt load on their ranch and the creditors promptly moved in to foreclose. The owners, husband and wife, showed some nimble footwork by countering with a declaration that their farm was now an independent country and, as such, no longer subject to Australian laws, financial or otherwise. The United Nations was duly notified but this does not seem to have been grounds for holding an emergency meeting of the Security Council. At any rate the creditors, passports in hand, moved in to seize the assets and there the matter stands for the time being. One question I have is whether the Canadian government will be asked to supply peace-keeping forces until the whole matter can be resolved. Whenever I went to London, England, I would routinely drive by Buckingham Palace and invariably note that the Queen was not residence. I took it rather personally, thinking that Her Majesty had something against being in London the same time as I was. You will be pleased to learn I now feel The joint, to be charitable, is a dump. The front yard is choked with weeds. Plaster is falling off the lintel over the front door. The bricks in the facade are chipped and cracked. It doesn't improve noticeably when you get inside. Several layers of peeling wallpaper festoon most of the walls. There's a blackened fireplace in the parlour that looks like it was used to render whale blubber for a century or two. The armchairs have stuffing leaking out of them. A photograph veiled by a cracked glass frame dangles crookedly from a nail in one wall. There's dust and grime and rust and slime on just about every surface in sight. Nothing unusual about that — just another vermin-ridden inner city flop house, right? Wrong. This is the home of a very rich and quiet famous American designer by the name of Liza Bruce. Liza and her husband Nicholas Vega not only live in this hole, they decorated it this way deliberately. "When we first got the house" says Nicholas, "we poured coffee and Guinness over the floors to darken them. It smelled wonderful, like a pub after hours." Sounds swell, Nick. Oscar Wilde defined fashion as: "A form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." I'm beginning to understand what Oscar was talking about. Upset? Get it off your chest with a letter to the editor The Short of it By Bonnie C;rotap Good thoughts It was picture perfect. The boat cutting across the acquamarine surface, its billowing sails sparkling white, was set against the backdrop of an azure sky. A gentle breeze stroked the waves to shore, their soothing lapping sound a direct contrast to the cacaphony of the screaming gulls cavorting overhead. Above it all the jubilant sound of children delighting in sand and surf could be heard. As I sat blissfully enjoying my surroundings I thought how nice it would be to live beside the water. Then, almost immediately, after remembering the human tendency to take for granted the things we should appreciate the most, I wondered whether the people who do live in idyllic habitats become indifferent to them. Do people who live next to the water, stop hearing it? If you live-at the base of a mountain for many years can you step out the door and not see it? During my recent vacation, I had the occasion to enjoy some conversation with one of our southerly neighbours. This American was distressed by the Clintons. America will soon be in the same positon as Canada, he said — broke. (Funny, I thought they were.) Anyway, as a retail sales merchant with five stores, he was up in arms about "Hillary's" health care system. "She wants to tax businesspeople to carry the burden of health care for everyone. It will be the ruination of us all," he said. While he admitted after some consideration that maybe Americans could use a better health care system, he didn't think this was the way to do it. Perhaps not, but as I discovered later, here was just another example of becoming so comfortable with what you have that you don't really see how lucky you are. My acquaintance later in our conversation sprung it on me, with absolutely no embarrassment, I might add, that he is a retired police officer (don't forget I said earlier he is a businessperson now) with a full pension and health benefits paid for life. I would like to have reminded him who was paying for his health care, but I have fought that battle with others in the past and knew that this again was probably a case where dollars and cents would overpower common sense. I think Canadians will agree we are overtaxed. I think we would also agree that if there is one we do not want eliminated it's our health care system. I was bemused that an otherwise pleasant gentleman had so taken for granted one of his advantages that he tossed it off, as if it were nothing more than a free bus token, when it's actually something paid for by the hard work of others, many of whom can't afford it for themselves. Too often, we make the mistake of taking what's good in our life as our given right rather than as a gift that others would love to receive. My conversation with Mr. U.S. was enlightening. It reminded me of how fortunate we are to have the health care system we do. It was entertaining. I had to chuckle when he asked me if things were improving now that we were rid of "that Prime Minister". When I told him it was the same party he said, "Sorry to hear that". With that in mind, I guess it hasn't always been easy to see the good things in lives these past few years, but this past week, whether it was during this discussion or sitting by one of Canada's picture perfect spots, helped me remember they're out there. International Scene somewhat better about the situation since I can now report that, starting in August, no less than 7,000 people per day will be allowed to tour the Palace. Souvenirs and tour books will be available but the Queen will be nowhere in sight. She obviously does not like these visitors any more than she does me; as a result she will be in residence a mere 500 miles away at Balmoral in Scotland. Finally, I am pleased to report that the Japanese, having grown tired of selling excellent cars to the rest of the world, have gone in for other objects, one of which is to be found in the Thai capital of Bangkok. Traffic is reported to be worse than anywhere in the world and it is not surprising that there is currently a red plastic bottle being sold to motorists; this bottle is a portable urinal and goes under the name of Comfort 100. There is both a male and a female version but that is beside the point. So great is the demand that a number of competitive products have shown up. One is from Taiwan; it goes under the name of "easi Pee" and is reported to be especially suitable for children. However, first prize goes to the Japanese product, somewhat larger than the other two. It bears the intriguing title of "Thunderbox". How the Japanese company arrived at that name is not quite clear but it could well be that their advertising director has spent some time in the United States. However, it takes first prize in my books as the most descriptive name of a product to hit the markets in quite some time.