HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1993-08-04, Page 5U.pset?
Get it off your chest
with a letter
to the editor
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 1993. PAGE 5.
Oh dear, the Brits
are picking
on us again
Canada is a vast expanse of land where
the inhabitants drink beer, watch
hockey and are so square even the
female impersonators are women.
Sunday Times Magazine July 4,1993
Oh dear. The Brits are at it again. I don't
know if it's their wretched climate, their
inedible cuisine or just a consequence of
being trapped in a clapped-out, ninth-rate,
fading Used-To-Be United Kingdom, but the
British press always seems to have lots of
cheap shots to lob at Canada. The latest
tirade in London's Sunday Times rants on
for three pages about how boring and
buffoonish our country is.
I think the author, one Simon Mills, must
have done most of his creative work over
large mugs of Watney's Red Barrel down at
the local pub, because the article is
confusing and incoherent, even for a rant.
Quite aside from misspelling the name of a
Margaret Atwood best seller, the whole item
is speckled with bizarre sentences such as:
A day in
the life
of Switzerland
Y RAYMOND CANON
Last week we wandered around Germany
a bit and took a look at a number of things
that were different there than here. This
week I have transferred my wanderings to
Switzerland and we will take a look at the
differences to be found in that country.
We will start out by having breakfast at
the hotel in Twann which is just about on the
linguistic border between German and
French speaking Switzerland. This means
that, when the waitress comes in to take your
order, you can give it in either language. Just
to keep everybody on their toes, I do it in
French one day and German the next. I also
do the same thing when I buy gas or go into
any of the stores. It does make for a bit of
variety.
There is not much to choose from when
you are having breakfast in either Germany
or Switzerland. There is coffee with fresh
bread, ham, cheese and all sorts of jam
which is contained in small individual
packages. You can forget peanut butter, you
will never find it.
On our way to eastern Switzerland, we
will tank up at the gas station. There you
will get just about the same surprise that you
did in Germany; the gas is currently 1.04 a
litre and more likely to go up in the future
than go down. However, distances are even
shorter than in Germany since you can go
from east to west in just under five hours;
the entire trip will be on good four lane
highway. You will notice that the Swiss do
not drive as fast as the Germans; there is one
good reason for that. The government has
, put a limit of 120 kph. which means that
"The inhabitants like ice hockey and drink
beer and the Monty Python lot used to dress
up as Mounties."
Sounds like the author thinks John Cleese
and pals were Canucks.
I wish it were so, but sorry chaps, the
Pythoners were ah ... British.
The article then goes on to snipe at various
famous Canadians. Michael J. Fox is
`vertically challenged'. Boy, that's original.
Rocker Bryan Adams is snickered at for
having a hit song in the number one slot of
the U.K. Hit Parade for 16 weeks.
This is a bad thing?
Canadian model Linda Evangelista is
mocked and derided because she once said
she wouldn't even get out of bed for less
than $10,000.
"Which," a breathless author Mills
informs us, "presuming she was talking
Canadian dollars, is only about $8,000 in
`real' money."
The whole article is like that — goofy, lame
and off the mark. Lord knows there's plenty
to spoof about Canada, but you won't fmd it
in the pages of the Sunday Times Magazine.
And it ill behooves a nation that gave the
world Neville Chamberlain, bangers and
mash and Twiggy to start calling any other
nation dull.
This isn't the first time outsiders have held
their noses and sniffed disdainfully over the
shortcomings of the Great White North.
people drive slightly faster. 1 must confess to
being a bit more comfortable on Swiss
highways.
We can either stop for lunch or prepare a
picnic in advance. If we do the latter, we will
do our shopping just as we did in
Switzerland. There is fresh bread at the
bakery, drinks, cheese and other food at the
Swiss version of the corner grocery store.
The situation is again somewhat the same as
in Germany. While there are shopping
centres, many people prefer to go to
individual stores.
If we want to stop on the way, there are a
number of service centres. One of the most
unique is to be found south of Zurich on the
road to Chur. There is a centre on each side
of the road but, if you are travelling north,
you find that there is no restaurant. You have
to walk along a brightly lighted and
decorated tunnel to the west side of the road
where you will find a nice little self-serve
restaurant. I do not recall ever having seen
that before.
Somebody seems to have forgotten to tell
the Swiss about closing small post offices.
Every community, no matter how small,
seems to have a post office where they are
very friendly and, as often as not, are quite
ready to put the stamps on for you. Just be
prepared for high prices. A letter that costs
us 86 cents to send to Switzerland costs no
less than $2.75 if you send it from
Switzerland to Canada. It isn't much cheaper
in Germany by the way. For the Europeans,
postage in Canada has to be one great
bargain.
If you didn't know the country, you would
think that Switzerland had the largest army
in Europe and perhaps it does. You see
soldiers in uniform everywhere and the air is
filled with fighter jets. Every once in a while
you will see a 2000 meter runway beside the
road with a taxi strip that goes right into the
mountain. The fact is that Switzerland can
store its entire air force in mountain caverns.
Every young boy has to do military service
Away back in the 18th century the French
philosopher Voltaire dismissed Canada as
"A few acres of snow". Al Capone snarled "I
don't even know what street Canada is on."
In Parisian argot "un Canada" used to mean
a bad apple. In Spanish slang when
somebody wants to say "He's in jail" they
smirk and murmur "Esta en Canada."
But you know what I notice? I notice that
there are not immense lineups down at
Canada Customs full of Canucks itching to
go and live in Madrid or Versailles or
Middlesex or Stroke-On-Trent.
Quite the contrary. The traffic seems to be
all in the other direction. Spaniards and
Portuguese and Frenchmen and — my
goodness! — British as well, giving up their
pasts to come and make a life in chilly old,
boring old, provincial Canada.
Why is that do you reckon? Could we, in
all our squareness, be doing something
right?
Could it be that, when all is said and done,
Canada is still 'the Golden Mountain' as the
first Chinese who arrived in British
Columbia described it, a century and a
quarter ago?
Could it be that to be rich, successful, in
the gravy is, as the Polish expression has it,
'to have Canada'?
Nah, it couldn't be.
Otherwise the British press would surely
have told us.
from the age of 18 on and with a population
of over six million, it is not surprising that
the country can mobilize an army of over
half a million in 24 hours. Last year when I
was in to see the president of the university I
attended, he informed me that he would be
away all the following week doing military
service. Imagine that in Canada!
Nobody can ever deny that the scenery is
beautiful no matter where you are driving in
the country, with the only exception being
when we are driving through one of the
numerous tunnels. Given the terrain, it
makes sense to tunnel rather than to wind up
and down a hill and there has never been a
time when I didn't see one or more tunnels
being dug.
Please do not drive in Zurich. It has only
about 400,000 people but the traffic is much
worse than in Toronto. The Swiss would not
know a 90 degree intersection if they saw
one. Roads join each other at every possible
angle; many of them are one-way streets and
the parking lots are invariably full. In short
the Swiss are just as acquainted with traffic
jams as we are.
If you get tired of driving, the train system
is nothing less than superb. The Swiss make
a religion out of having their trains run on
time and there are very few places that do
not have regular train service even if it is
only a narrow-gage railway. Many of them
are so frequent that you can go into a city, do
your shopping and then go wait for the next
train home. This sort of leisurely life is what
attracts me as I am sure it will do the same to
you.
All life need not be on the fast lane.
The
short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
Camping's
no picnic
By the time you read this I, and some of
my family members, will be in the middle of
that wonderful seasonal experience — the
summer vacation.
This year, true to my word, I left my
schedule fairly flexible to allow for some
Huron County adventuring, in addition to the
other favourite holiday playgrounds we
habitually frequent.
However, as a Libra my scales tip if things
don't go smoothly. I'm a little too rigid to
just pick up and go; there must be some
planning or I would drive myself and
everyone crazy. While I may secretly envy
those who can leave their holiday plans
totally open the aggravation wouldn't be
worth it if I were to adopt the practice. I
need to know where I'm going and if there is
somewhere for me to stay when I get there. I
like to have some idea about what types of
entertainment are available and generally
know what to expect from my surroundings.
Of course, there are some surroundings, I
no longer fmd entertaining. When planning a
summer vacation, it's best to decide what
type of holiday you want and though
camping may be an idyllic solution for
some, to me it's a dirty word. While I once
enjoyed a harmony with the great outdoors,
of late my idea of roughing it means not
taking my CD player with me.
I remember many years ago the idea of
pitching a tent, cooking over an open fire
and snuggling in a sleeping bag was the
perfect summer break. The sounds of
crickets chirping and owls hooting lulled the
stress away.
A friend of mine, who recently went
camping described her walk on the wild side
as a wonderful experience. Though she says
budget restrictions were behind her holiday
choice, she also said that the next place she
intends to go is a park known for its
'wilderness' section. She wants to get back
to nature, enjoy the sound of the birds and
the hiking.
Admittedly, I have often used this space
to argue in favour of experiencing the best of
what life has to offer, to find the quiet places
and appreciate nature's beauty. However, I
have obviously become spoiled in my almost
middle age, because camping lately seems
too much like work. After trying it for a
time, I must admit that the romance is
definitely gone especially after discovering
that there are still all the chores to do that I
do at home, only under more difficult
conditions. Camping is no picnic.
Sure, I enjoy a day now and then of earthy
entertainment but I don't mind saying my
holidays are designed to be sinfully
hedonistic. Like most MCPWCs (Married
Career People With Children) I am most
often doing the bidding of others, so for one
week of each year I want to be spoiled. I
want even the simple things done for me. I
want my food brought to me and my bed
made for me. For at least a time it's nice to
be closeted away in some modern motel,
with my needs and those of my family being
seen to at our whim. In addition, I can still
find the places where I can commune with
nature. I can hike, swim, or just while away
some time in a park, knowing at the end of
the day there will be no water to fetch, fire to
start or bedrolls to get ready.
And the real beauty of my plan is that this
is no more expensive than a week spent
camping because after a couple of days'
indulgence, I intend to go sponge off Mom
and Dad.
Arthur Black
International Scene