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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1993-08-04, Page 5U.pset? Get it off your chest with a letter to the editor THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 1993. PAGE 5. Oh dear, the Brits are picking on us again Canada is a vast expanse of land where the inhabitants drink beer, watch hockey and are so square even the female impersonators are women. Sunday Times Magazine July 4,1993 Oh dear. The Brits are at it again. I don't know if it's their wretched climate, their inedible cuisine or just a consequence of being trapped in a clapped-out, ninth-rate, fading Used-To-Be United Kingdom, but the British press always seems to have lots of cheap shots to lob at Canada. The latest tirade in London's Sunday Times rants on for three pages about how boring and buffoonish our country is. I think the author, one Simon Mills, must have done most of his creative work over large mugs of Watney's Red Barrel down at the local pub, because the article is confusing and incoherent, even for a rant. Quite aside from misspelling the name of a Margaret Atwood best seller, the whole item is speckled with bizarre sentences such as: A day in the life of Switzerland Y RAYMOND CANON Last week we wandered around Germany a bit and took a look at a number of things that were different there than here. This week I have transferred my wanderings to Switzerland and we will take a look at the differences to be found in that country. We will start out by having breakfast at the hotel in Twann which is just about on the linguistic border between German and French speaking Switzerland. This means that, when the waitress comes in to take your order, you can give it in either language. Just to keep everybody on their toes, I do it in French one day and German the next. I also do the same thing when I buy gas or go into any of the stores. It does make for a bit of variety. There is not much to choose from when you are having breakfast in either Germany or Switzerland. There is coffee with fresh bread, ham, cheese and all sorts of jam which is contained in small individual packages. You can forget peanut butter, you will never find it. On our way to eastern Switzerland, we will tank up at the gas station. There you will get just about the same surprise that you did in Germany; the gas is currently 1.04 a litre and more likely to go up in the future than go down. However, distances are even shorter than in Germany since you can go from east to west in just under five hours; the entire trip will be on good four lane highway. You will notice that the Swiss do not drive as fast as the Germans; there is one good reason for that. The government has , put a limit of 120 kph. which means that "The inhabitants like ice hockey and drink beer and the Monty Python lot used to dress up as Mounties." Sounds like the author thinks John Cleese and pals were Canucks. I wish it were so, but sorry chaps, the Pythoners were ah ... British. The article then goes on to snipe at various famous Canadians. Michael J. Fox is `vertically challenged'. Boy, that's original. Rocker Bryan Adams is snickered at for having a hit song in the number one slot of the U.K. Hit Parade for 16 weeks. This is a bad thing? Canadian model Linda Evangelista is mocked and derided because she once said she wouldn't even get out of bed for less than $10,000. "Which," a breathless author Mills informs us, "presuming she was talking Canadian dollars, is only about $8,000 in `real' money." The whole article is like that — goofy, lame and off the mark. Lord knows there's plenty to spoof about Canada, but you won't fmd it in the pages of the Sunday Times Magazine. And it ill behooves a nation that gave the world Neville Chamberlain, bangers and mash and Twiggy to start calling any other nation dull. This isn't the first time outsiders have held their noses and sniffed disdainfully over the shortcomings of the Great White North. people drive slightly faster. 1 must confess to being a bit more comfortable on Swiss highways. We can either stop for lunch or prepare a picnic in advance. If we do the latter, we will do our shopping just as we did in Switzerland. There is fresh bread at the bakery, drinks, cheese and other food at the Swiss version of the corner grocery store. The situation is again somewhat the same as in Germany. While there are shopping centres, many people prefer to go to individual stores. If we want to stop on the way, there are a number of service centres. One of the most unique is to be found south of Zurich on the road to Chur. There is a centre on each side of the road but, if you are travelling north, you find that there is no restaurant. You have to walk along a brightly lighted and decorated tunnel to the west side of the road where you will find a nice little self-serve restaurant. I do not recall ever having seen that before. Somebody seems to have forgotten to tell the Swiss about closing small post offices. Every community, no matter how small, seems to have a post office where they are very friendly and, as often as not, are quite ready to put the stamps on for you. Just be prepared for high prices. A letter that costs us 86 cents to send to Switzerland costs no less than $2.75 if you send it from Switzerland to Canada. It isn't much cheaper in Germany by the way. For the Europeans, postage in Canada has to be one great bargain. If you didn't know the country, you would think that Switzerland had the largest army in Europe and perhaps it does. You see soldiers in uniform everywhere and the air is filled with fighter jets. Every once in a while you will see a 2000 meter runway beside the road with a taxi strip that goes right into the mountain. The fact is that Switzerland can store its entire air force in mountain caverns. Every young boy has to do military service Away back in the 18th century the French philosopher Voltaire dismissed Canada as "A few acres of snow". Al Capone snarled "I don't even know what street Canada is on." In Parisian argot "un Canada" used to mean a bad apple. In Spanish slang when somebody wants to say "He's in jail" they smirk and murmur "Esta en Canada." But you know what I notice? I notice that there are not immense lineups down at Canada Customs full of Canucks itching to go and live in Madrid or Versailles or Middlesex or Stroke-On-Trent. Quite the contrary. The traffic seems to be all in the other direction. Spaniards and Portuguese and Frenchmen and — my goodness! — British as well, giving up their pasts to come and make a life in chilly old, boring old, provincial Canada. Why is that do you reckon? Could we, in all our squareness, be doing something right? Could it be that, when all is said and done, Canada is still 'the Golden Mountain' as the first Chinese who arrived in British Columbia described it, a century and a quarter ago? Could it be that to be rich, successful, in the gravy is, as the Polish expression has it, 'to have Canada'? Nah, it couldn't be. Otherwise the British press would surely have told us. from the age of 18 on and with a population of over six million, it is not surprising that the country can mobilize an army of over half a million in 24 hours. Last year when I was in to see the president of the university I attended, he informed me that he would be away all the following week doing military service. Imagine that in Canada! Nobody can ever deny that the scenery is beautiful no matter where you are driving in the country, with the only exception being when we are driving through one of the numerous tunnels. Given the terrain, it makes sense to tunnel rather than to wind up and down a hill and there has never been a time when I didn't see one or more tunnels being dug. Please do not drive in Zurich. It has only about 400,000 people but the traffic is much worse than in Toronto. The Swiss would not know a 90 degree intersection if they saw one. Roads join each other at every possible angle; many of them are one-way streets and the parking lots are invariably full. In short the Swiss are just as acquainted with traffic jams as we are. If you get tired of driving, the train system is nothing less than superb. The Swiss make a religion out of having their trains run on time and there are very few places that do not have regular train service even if it is only a narrow-gage railway. Many of them are so frequent that you can go into a city, do your shopping and then go wait for the next train home. This sort of leisurely life is what attracts me as I am sure it will do the same to you. All life need not be on the fast lane. The short of it By Bonnie Gropp Camping's no picnic By the time you read this I, and some of my family members, will be in the middle of that wonderful seasonal experience — the summer vacation. This year, true to my word, I left my schedule fairly flexible to allow for some Huron County adventuring, in addition to the other favourite holiday playgrounds we habitually frequent. However, as a Libra my scales tip if things don't go smoothly. I'm a little too rigid to just pick up and go; there must be some planning or I would drive myself and everyone crazy. While I may secretly envy those who can leave their holiday plans totally open the aggravation wouldn't be worth it if I were to adopt the practice. I need to know where I'm going and if there is somewhere for me to stay when I get there. I like to have some idea about what types of entertainment are available and generally know what to expect from my surroundings. Of course, there are some surroundings, I no longer fmd entertaining. When planning a summer vacation, it's best to decide what type of holiday you want and though camping may be an idyllic solution for some, to me it's a dirty word. While I once enjoyed a harmony with the great outdoors, of late my idea of roughing it means not taking my CD player with me. I remember many years ago the idea of pitching a tent, cooking over an open fire and snuggling in a sleeping bag was the perfect summer break. The sounds of crickets chirping and owls hooting lulled the stress away. A friend of mine, who recently went camping described her walk on the wild side as a wonderful experience. Though she says budget restrictions were behind her holiday choice, she also said that the next place she intends to go is a park known for its 'wilderness' section. She wants to get back to nature, enjoy the sound of the birds and the hiking. Admittedly, I have often used this space to argue in favour of experiencing the best of what life has to offer, to find the quiet places and appreciate nature's beauty. However, I have obviously become spoiled in my almost middle age, because camping lately seems too much like work. After trying it for a time, I must admit that the romance is definitely gone especially after discovering that there are still all the chores to do that I do at home, only under more difficult conditions. Camping is no picnic. Sure, I enjoy a day now and then of earthy entertainment but I don't mind saying my holidays are designed to be sinfully hedonistic. Like most MCPWCs (Married Career People With Children) I am most often doing the bidding of others, so for one week of each year I want to be spoiled. I want even the simple things done for me. I want my food brought to me and my bed made for me. For at least a time it's nice to be closeted away in some modern motel, with my needs and those of my family being seen to at our whim. In addition, I can still find the places where I can commune with nature. I can hike, swim, or just while away some time in a park, knowing at the end of the day there will be no water to fetch, fire to start or bedrolls to get ready. And the real beauty of my plan is that this is no more expensive than a week spent camping because after a couple of days' indulgence, I intend to go sponge off Mom and Dad. Arthur Black International Scene