HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1993-07-21, Page 5Arthur Black
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 1993. PAGE 5.
Stories
of dumb
crooks
The most common question people ask
when they find out that I scribble for a
living, is "Where do you get your ideas?"
I always tell them that I steal them. Which
is true. I steal my column ideas from books,
magazines, TV programs, things I see on the
street, conversations I deliberately overhear
in the supermarket.
Unfortunately, sometimes even theft isn't
enough. Every once in a while a guy will
find himself hunched over his word
processor, a deadline dangling like a
Damoclean switchblade over his neck, his
fingers poised like twitchy talons over the
keyboard and...
Nothing.
No inspiration, no ideas, not even the
ghost of a notion to fill the blank gaze of the
monitor before him.
Scary...but all is not lost.
There's always the Dumb Crooks file to
fall back on.
It's a manila folder that I keep beside my
desk, bulging with news clippings about
ruined robberies, fouled-up felonies, heists
gone haywire and gormless gangsters gang
a-gley.
The daily papers are full of them — tiny
little 'filler' stories about would-be crooks
whose walk on the wild side turned into a
pratfall.
Times
tough
everywhere
There is one thing about getting away
from Canada for a period of time; you can
look at the country in a much more detached
manner. That was certainly the case in my
stay in Europe and my conclusions can be
summed up very briefly. We are
undoubtedly in one of the most fortunate
situations of any of the industrialized
countries.
That may seem like a strange thing to say
in view of all the problems facing Canadians
at the present time. We have this horrible
debt, both in the budgetary deficit in Ottawa
and Ontario and the much less noticeable
one in the balance of payments. We also
have unemployment running at more than 11
per cent and and sluggish sales at the retail
level. Companies in the private sector are
still rationalizing their size which means that
few jobs are at what can be considered the
"safe" category. Finally, even public sector
jobs are beginning to feel the heat as the
federal and provincial governments realize
they cannot put off coming to grips with the
deficit. Not a very pleasant picture!
It is when you take a look at what the
Europeans are facing that you realize we are
relatively well off. Of all the countries in
Europe, only Great Britain has a lower rate
of inflation than we do but the British have
little else to cheer about. Switzerland and
Germany, the two countries that abhor any
inflation at all are both looking at 3.5 to 4.5
per cent and three month projections show
Such as?
Well, such as the story out of Fort Erie
last month. A woman working late in an
accounting office looked up to see a man
armed with a club. He demanded money,
then ordered the woman to get into her
car.
She did.
He waited for her to unlock the
passenger door.
She didn't
Instead the woman drove straight to the
police station. The cops immediately
issued a bulletin in which the details were
sketchy. Officers were alerted to be on the
lookout for a man who was "not too
swift."
Speaking of Not Too Swift — how about
Donald M. Thomas? Mister Thomas
escaped from jail in California after
serving 89 days, of a 90 day sentence.
He was captured. He now faces up to 20
years in prison.
Ah, yes but he'll go down as Legend of
Crime. As the Birdbrain of Alcatraz.
And let us never forget the famous
Edmonton Two — a couple of Albertan
Butch and Sundance wannabes who made
Canadian criminal history of a sort the
night they knocked over the Petro Canada
gas station just outside Vancouver. They
surprised the attendant, tied him up and
left him in the washroom, escaping with
the contents of the till.
But they were as I say, from Edmonton,
and a little bewildered by the bright lights
of Vancouver. Which is why 20 minutes
no slow-down in consumer prices. While the
Swiss unemployment figures (4.3 per cent)
and Germany's (eight per cent) are lower
than Canada's, such high levels are almost
unheard of in both countries and Germany,
for one, is likely to experience higher levels
as the recession really takes a bite.
As for some other countries, France,
Spain, Italy and Great Britain are all looking
at unemployment figures in the double digit
range. Spain is the worst, with 16-17 per
cent and the sad part is that much of this
unemployment consists of people who have
been out of work for a long (over one year)
period of time. Nowhere is there any
indication that the figures are going to
become better, a fact reflected at the recently
concluded conference of the members of the
European Common Market. Faced as they
are by bad budgetary deficits, there is little
that they do in the short term to stimulate the
economy.
Somebody in the Swiss government must,
however, still believe strongly in Keynesian
economics. While I was there it was obvious
that the decision has been taken on stimulate
the economy by public works. Always (well
usually) pragmatic, the Swiss have decided
that now was as good a time as any to work
on the infrastructure, in this case highways.
It is a long time since I have seen so many
highway repair projects being carried out. It
may have slowed down my travelling at
times but at least I could appreciate the
reasoning that was behind it.
One interesting thing happened when I
was there. Helmut Kohl, the German
chancellor made a speech in which he urged
the Germans to stop complaining about
everything and be prepared to work harder.
At first I couldn't believe it. Telling the
Germans to work harder, I reasoned, its
tantamount to telling Wayne Gretzky to start
later, they pulled into a gas station to ask
directions.
A...Petro Canada...gas station.
The same Petro Canada station they'd
knocked over earlier.
The station attendant, just removing the
last of the ropes from his ankles looked up
to see his worst nightmare happening all
over again. "I guess they didn't recognize
me or the station."
He stammered out directions then
quickly called the cops. Just as he was
hanging up, the attendant looked up and
saw...the same two guys coming towards
him.
Their car wouldn't start. Could the
mechanic...? Alas, the mechanic wouldn't
be on duty until 8 a.m.
The Edmonton Two were waiting for a
tow truck when a police cruiser pulled in
and graciously offered them a free ride
downtown.
Let's give the last word to Thomas
Russell in the San Joaquin County Jail.
Mister Russell, who was doing time for
burglary, was startled to receive a
government cheque for $26,447. Startled,
but not paralyzed. He immediately used
$6,500 to post his own bail and promptly
left town with the remaining 20 grand.
Which no doubt really ticked off the San
Joaquin County tax collector. He'd sent the
cheque to the wrong Thomas Russell.
Not exactly a story of dumb crooks, you
say? True.
But the bad guys have to win once in a
while.
playing hockey.
However, a bit of thought on the matter
led me to realize what Kohl was looking at.
The Germans have the shortest work week in
Western Europe, generous welfare payments
and about the longest holidays. Exports, the
bread and butter of the economy, are
slackening, as is productivity; some of the
unions are asking for too much money too
fast and it all adds up to a gloomy picture.
Perhaps Kohl, still smarting from having
underestimated the cost of reunification,
decided to shake up the country a bit.
Italy is practically a basket case: I'm sure
the only aspect of the economy flourishing is
the underground one which, at last count,
was about 30 per cent of all economic
activity but that is to be expected. The
Swedes are realizing their particular mixture
of private and public sector economies no
longer works and they are scrambling for
solutions.
Adding all this up, it is a small wonder
that the Europeans I talked to, who are
knowledgeable about Canada, were envious
of our low rate of inflation. They give Bank
of Canada governor John Crowe high marks
for doing the job he is supposed to be doing.
They also look admiringly at our level of
exports and the fact that our governments are
coming to grips with the deficits. They point
out that the stock market in Canada reflects
the confidence that foreign investors have in
our country. The projections are that Canada
will have growth rates of over three per cent
both this year and next, a projection not
matched by any other country with the
possible exception of the United States.
Finally, they wonder out loud why
Canadians always seem to be more
pessimistic about their country than anybody
else.
Good question!
The
short
of it
By Bonnie Gropp
International Scene
To kill a weed
you must
take the root
A series of little battles can always win a
war, but when our battles become too
focused and our goal one-sided, we can lose
sight of who the opponent really is.
This week a meeting is being planned to
gather interest in this year's Take Back the
Night March set for this September. The
rally is organized to emphasize the plight of
abused women and address the issue of
violence against and harassment of women
in general. It is a concern that readers of my
column will know I have strong feelings
about. I know women have been and still are
victims.
I am one of the few people I know who
does not find the statistics unbelievable. I
believe that one out of every four women in
Canada is sexually assaulted at some point in
her life. I find it alarming, but not
surprising, to hear that three women are
killed every week by a male spouse or
boyfriend.
Numbers like this are absolutely
overwhelming. Our initial reaction is to
discount them as untrue or blown out of
proportion, but it's really better to accept
them and learn. My teenage daughter will be
leaving home this year to begin a new
segment of her life at college. For any youth
raised in the cloistered environs of rural
Huron, this is a new experience, but for a
female there can be some terrifying realities.
I'm not implying bad things don't happen
here; it's just that there's a safeness, a
security that is not part of urban life. It can
make us a little naive and therefore
unprepared.
Thus, since her exposure to some of the
slimier examples of human nature has been
limited, I feel it's important she
comprehends fully what can happen. After a
relatively insular life it's wise to open the
cocoon, exposing the good and bad.
Our apprehension for our children when
they leave the nest is everpresent, regardless
of what their gender, but the ones I have for
my daughters as opposed to the ones I have
for my sons are undoubtedly different.
But not entirely. My eldest, who attends
the University of Windsor, has been
confronted daily with situations that have
shown him a new side of the world. After
some of the stories he's told me, I think it's
been a good thing that Mom usually couldn't
know what was happening until it was after
the fact.
Take Back the Night, will focus attention
on the need to stop the violence against
women and on the reality that it should be a
priority concern. I can't help feeling, though
that perhaps this particular skirmish should
be fought on a larger battlefield. There will
be no end to the victimizing of women as
long as violence is part of our society. Only
a fool would refuse to see that women are
likely victims, if for no other reason than our
physical size makes us vulnerable. But you
would have to be equally ignorant to ignore
that violence is affecting everyone.
Until violent criminals are made
responsible for their actions and their
punishment fits the crime, until the burdens
of living, such as poverty and drug abuse are
lessened there will be victims of every
gender.
I believe in fighting for a particular cause,
but to kill a weed you must take the root.
Ending all violence is the real issue.