Loading...
The Citizen, 1992-09-16, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16,1992. PAGE 5. The Short Was there nothing good to be said about Elvis'? There's a new book out about one of my :omedy heroes. It's called The Great One: rhe Life and Legend of Jackie Gleason. It's written by a Time magazine critic with the tear-monarchical name of William A. Henry in. I won't be reading it. I won't be reading it because I know too much of what's between the covers already. Thanks to book reviews in the Globe and Mail and various news magazines I'm already aware that Mister Henry's book reveals that Jackie Gleason was: A drunk. A bully. And a slob. According to the book, even Gleason's grasp of comedy was limited. It claims he was a lousy stand-up comic and a frequently awful actor. The only thing he was good at was ‘sketch’ comedy - such as Ralph Kramden, the klutzy, bulbous, bufoonish bus-driving schlemiel in The Honeymooners. Environmentally Yours Having a party without bashing the environment Birthdays are a magical time and so very important to little people, but with more and more emphasis on our environment, how can we contribute further to its demise even while creating such joy for children. I shudder when I hear kids planning a birthday party as images of oodles of paper products appears. I came across some great tips on having a garbageless birthday party that are really worth sharing. Flannel backed vinyl table cloths are good but become stained in the little divots and are hard to throw in the washing machine. Consider checking out shower curtains for table cloths. I was fortunate to find on a sale table a transparent curtain printed with bright multi-coloured streamers. I used a coloured fabric cloth underneath to set off either the red, green, yellow or orange streamers on the transparent cloth. A few flowers from the garden add to the festive occasion and are sent to the compost when brown. For napkins, cloth is good but pricey. Large, lightweight terry facecloths are easier to wash and you can usually find a package with mixed colours for a reasonable price. Next are dishes. If you are a camper, you probably already have heavy plastic plates that will withstand a beating in the dishwasher. Keep your eyes open at sale tables to find heavy plastic wear. Teamed up with bright plastic cups you have a set of party wear that will last through the early birthday years. The next area of waste is the food. Last But as Ralph Kramden, Jackie Gleason was in a class by himself. Which is why I won't be buying the book. Because that's the Jackie Gleason I knew and loved and wish to remember - as Ralph Kramden. I don’t really care to meet the other Not So Great One who screamed at his colleagues, tyrannized writers and drank like a thirst-crazed camel. I know enough of those creeps in real life. And anyway, I'm getting weary of these “clay foot” books - the ones that take as their theme “so you think Joe Bloggs is heroic, eh? Well, here's the real dirt.” I have no problems with books that tell the truth about people. What bugs me are books that set out to deliberately trash their subject, with no pretense of objectivity or even elementary fairness. In the last little while we've seen such books disembowel Nancy Reagan, Chuck and Di, Frank Sinatra and a pantheon of lesser luminaries too numerous to mention. Back a few years ago I made the mistake of reading the very worst of the genre - a best-selling piece of poison penmanship called Elvis: the last 24 hours by Albert Goldman. I don’t know what Elvis ever did to Albert Goldman, but it must have been pretty nasty, because when it came to demolishing the myths surrounding the King of Rock and Roll, Goldman's book left no sewer tile unturned. He details every illegal pill and potion Presley popped. Goldman gloated over By Rhea Hamilton-Seeger year we had the kids make their own little pizzas. We used english muffins sliced in half and the ingredients were all out in bowls along the counter; shredded cheese, finely chopped celery and onion, tomato sauce, mushrooms and pineapple. The party goers could just help themselves to what they really liked and then we baked them, one pizza per child. Those with greater appetites could start again on a second one. We also had a dish of carrot and celery sticks on the table and the youngsters could help themselves. Fresh apple cider completed the first course. Only one hajf of a small pizza was left for the dog's dish. You could use the same technique with dessert offering small cupcakes with peppermint chocolate and lemon icing. Toppings or decorations would include sprinkles, smarties, gumdrops and jelly beans. Each child could decorate his own. Games in our house are limited. Once the troop hits the door they head for the dressup trunk and spend an hour just trying on costumes that have been hits over the years with our youngsters. We tried the popular videos but found no one was interested in seeing any TV, which was fine in my book. For younger ones, try indoor bowling. Set up three PET pop bottles and use a tennis ball for the bowling ball. Mark the alley with chairs and offer the kids three chances to knock the pins down before moving to the end of the line and waiting for another turn. Guessing games are another popular pastime. Use either blindfolds or items hidden in boxes or bags where the youngster sticks her hand in to feel the item. Use pine cones, onion, rocks, or other fruits or vegetables. Grab bags are super popular and, according to my youngsters, no party is complete without them. Depending on the age group it can become quite pricey. School age kids like pencils, erasers in the shape of letters or popular words like love, luck or happy, and little note books are all quite Presley's abuse of colleagues, his grotesque diet, his weight problems and his often awful stage performances. Make no mistake about it - Elvis Aaron Presley was several light years shy of St. Francis of Assisi. We are talking about a semi-literate, red neck Tennessee truck driver who became, virtually overnight, the most famous human being on the planet. A career mover like that can do powerful things to your head. But the Elvis Goldman describes is some kind of subhuman monster, a greasy-haired, foul-mouthed, swollen-bellied mutant who comes on like a cross between Dracula, Don Cherry and Predator III. Is there nothing good that could be said about Elvis Presley? You won’t find it in Albert Goldman's book. Which is what makes Albert Goldman's book a piece of crap. No one is THAT unrelievedly bad. Goldman's grinding a large and ugly axe. You can hear Goldman's heavy breathing on every page. . Elvis was definitely a bit of a creep. But he sure could rock and roll. I'd rather listen to his music than sniff his dirty linen. And Jackie Gleason? When I was a kid, Ralph Kramden made me laugh ’til I cried. I still catch the odd Honeymooners re-run on late-night TV. They still make me laugh, nearly 40 years later. I'm sure they'll be making me laugh long after The Great One: The Life and Legend of Jackie Gleason is just a dusty leftover in the Coles remainder bin. popular. You could also collect little gifts and let the kids pick their own out from a basket. Sticker books, sunglasses, hair decorations, wind up toys are all popular choices and everyone hopefully gets something they like. At the end of the party do a quick look at what is being turned into the trash barrel. Make a quick assessment of what can be done to make your next party even more environmentally friendly. What a great gift for both your children and future generations; a little caring about the future. The Citizen cookbook ' '<■ 'V W ■<f >; A -'/ The Citizen is planning the publication of a Christmas cookbook and is asking for your help. Simply Elegant will be published in early November to give you plenty of time to plan your holiday entertaining menus. The recipes will be a compilation of festive, but simple ones sent in by our readers. The categories are hors d’eouvres, salads, main courses, cakes and desserts and quick tips to make ordinary entertaining elegant Recipes should be mailed to The Citizen in Blyth or Brussels by Oct. 14. You may send as many as you wish, though they may not all be used. Please include name and address. of it By Bonnie Gropp Homesick blues While elementary and secondary school students have been back to school for a week, for many university students getting back in the groove has just begun. And for many university students it’s a new routine, one that means being away from home, family and friends - sometimes for the first time. The same kids that have, over the past decade, screamed for independence now suddenly develop a new appreciation for home cooking and soft beds. Mom and Dad aren't really so bad and brothers and sisters aren’t nearly as noisy or messy as some of the kids on the floor. You know what they say, absence does make the heart grow fonder. I speak from personal experience; nothing makes family look better than getting away from it! When our son left for university last year, while the grocery bill and the washing may have decreased, the phone bills jumped sky high. Leaving home for the first extended period of time is a feeling unlike many others. It can be exhilarating excitement, but for anyone who has ever been homesick, it's an almost debilitating experience. This miserable affliction hit me for the first time, when I was about 13 and away at camp. Daytime was full of activities, so it was never too bad, but even now, remembering the evenings I feel a hint of the pangs that plagued me, that made me feel more alone than the kid who misses the fly ball to centre and lets in the winning run. Once the campfires were over and everyone had settled down, my senses intensified. Lying in my bunk I would cry, then pretend I was having a nightmare, lest my bunkmates discover what was really wrong and I would become the object of ridicule. It wasn't that I was a Mommy's and Daddy’s girl. My homelife was quite unique in that my mother, unlike many other mothers from the 50's and early 60's, worked full-time, so I was not overly attached. I had babysitters and was given a fair amount of independence in those days. But home was a safety net where I was protected. It wasn't that I had never been away from home before; I visited often with people other than my immediate family for extended periods of time. But, it was the first time that I had been away with complete strangers, without someone with whom I could share some common ground. Perhaps, it resulted from a lack of confidence but regardless, it sure was no way to spend my time at camp. The feeling I remember in those dark hours alone, without wanting to sound too melodramatic, was that I would quite simply die if I didn't get home. If you've never been there you can't imagine, but I've got to tell you being homesick is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. There are moments even yet, when I will get a twinge reminiscent of those earlier pangs and it takes some time before I can remind myself I’m a big girl now, and shake them off. So when I hear someone say that their university student is feeling somewhat lonely, boy do I feel for them. Knowing that it will eventually get easier is little comfort when it hurts now. But, learning to take off on your own is the first big step to independence and though it may be a tough one, the sooner it's taken the better. We can't live with Mom and Dad forever. After all, you can always come home again —just not to stay!