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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1992-06-10, Page 5Arthur Black THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10,1992. PAGE 5. Literature gave pirates a bad rap Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. I'm in a bad mood. I've just had one of my all-time favourite myths pulverized like a sea-biscuit under Long John Silver's peg leg. That's the very myth I mean - pirates. It probably indicates a mutant chromosome in my genetic balance sheet, but I've always had a perverse fascination with pirates. I liked pirates because in a world of shifting values, of weasel words and fake imagery - pirates were at least real. Real ...bad. The baddest, in fact. Nastier than Nazis and more ruthless than lawyers, even. Pirates had no redeeming features. We're talking about thugs who stalked fat, unarmed merchant ships. Who gloated as they slaughtered unarmed crews and passengers. Who boozed and raped and pillaged and plundered and sent anyone who stood in their way for a long stroll off a short plank, right? Nah. Not even close. Fact is, we can thank Robert Louis Stevenson and J. M. Barrie for most of the “truths” we know about pirates. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote Treasure Island. J. International Scene Canada — a nice place to live As some of my readers already know, a recent survey conducted by the United Nations revealed that, as a desirable place to live, Canada is No. 1. What, you will say, do these damn foreigners know about it? Don't they realize that we are on the verge of falling apart, we have a provincial premier who is surrounded by incompetents, a federal government that is led by an incompetent, a horrible tax burden that has just become a little worse, a national health program that is coming apart at the seams, people who are certain the French are about to take over the country, just as many people who think that the English already have, not to mention those who think that we have far too many people whose native tongue is neither French nor English. Don't those people at the U.N. understand that we are a disaster looking for a place to happen. The only thing we lack is a national hero who doubles as a masochist. As a naturalized Canadian who has had no regrets whatsoever over having taken such a move, perhaps I can tell you a little about what those ill-informed people in the rest of the world are saying about Canada, why they like it and why there will probably be no rioting in the streets in front of the United Nations over the choice of Canada as No. 1. First of all, there is a level of political freedom here that is not exceeded anywhere else in the world. We are allowed to say what we want, even if some of it is pretty M. Barrie gave us Peter Pan. But based on real historical records, it looks like Messrs. Stevenson and Barrie probably couldn't tell a pirate cutlass from a veal cutlet. First, the famous skull and crossbones flag. Everybody knows that pirates invariably hoisted the old S & C when they were bearing down on some hapless treasure-laden galleon, right? Wrong. Pirates flew red flags, black flags, flags with full skeletons - in short, any damn flags they pleased. For the most part, they ran up the flag of Utmost Convenience. In other words, if a British frigate was their prey, they flew the Union Jack. If it was a French sloop they had in their sights, they made sure the fleur de lis was fluttering in the breeze. The better to bamboozle the quarry, my pretties. What about the plank, then? Surely the stories about pirates prinking captives off a plank into the briny are true? No according to Hugh Rankin, author of the Golden Age of Piracy. Ye olde plankwalk, writes Rankin, “appears to have been a fabrication of later generations”. Rankin says that when pirates wished to rid themselves of enemies, they simply tossed them over the rail - without benefit of driving board. Turns out that even among themselves, pirates weren't the lawless band of savages we've come to know and loathe. Buccaneer politics weren't anything like the anarchic seadog-eat-seadog frenzy one might have assumed. It was more like ... well, the United By Raymond Canon silly; we can form as many political parties as we want, protest to our heart's content and call our political leaders all sorts of nasty names, all without fear of being visited by the police in the dead of night. Start looking at the number of countries that do not have all of the above and you will find that we are already in a minority. As for the separatist movement, well, who hasn't got one of them these days. If you have been reading reports from Great Britain lately, you will have noticed that there are quite vocal demands from Scotland that this part of Britain be allowed to separate. The Belgians have had a difficult time for years trying to hold the French and Dutch speaking parts together while Yugoslavia is separating with a vengeance, not to mention the old Soviet Union. The Kurds want their own country and the West Germans now have mixed feelings about the cost of bringing the old East Germany into a new Germany. With all this separatist sentiment floating around, most people don't worry too much about Canada's problem in this regard and, when they do, they seldom take the stand that we will ultimately break up. If anything, foreign observers are more optimistic than we are. What other countries admire are a number of things that Canadians take for granted. First of all is the size of our country compared to the number of people living here. We are indeed one of the wide open spaces of the world, something that you do not see in very many places any more. Read some of the projections as to how many billion people there will be on this planet by the turn of this century and you will see what I mean. There may be signs of the prejudice in Canada and some of them are not very pretty but again you have to measure this against Nations. David Cordingly is the organizer of an exhibition on pirate history currently on display at the National Maritime Museum in London, England. According to him, inter­ pirate behaviour was surprisingly charitable. “Pirates were extraordinarily democratic” he says. “Plunder had to be shared out equally. The captain could take a bit more, but not a lot more, unlike the Navy. A pirate crew could even vote their captain out of office.” Cordingly claims that pirates even operated a kind of High Seas Health Plan - losing a leg in battle for example, guaranteed a bigger share of the booty. And here's the kicker for me. Care to meet two of the bloodthirstiest pirates of all time? One was a fearless cutthroat named Read; the other, a sadistic swashbuckler named Bonny. Read and Bonny roamed the seas in the early 1700's, separately at first, then together on an English pirate ship under Calico Jack Rackham. Finally, in 1721 a Jamaican warship tracked them down and after a vicious battle in which Read and Bonny were the last to yield, they captured the pirate sloop threw and the whole crew in chains. The entire crew was tried, found guilty and hanged. With the exception of Read and Bonny. They were excused. Because they were pregnant. Bonny’s first name was Anne; Read's first name was Mary. Sure throws cold water on the pirate legend. On the other hand, it opens a whole new career option for Maggie Thatcher. what is to be found elsewhere. To cite one example, many of my foreign friends consider Toronto to be one of the great wonders of the world. There, are more than 70 minorities in the metropolitan area and the fact that there is as little tension as there is, can be considered as something of a miracle. In my travels around the world I have seen far worse examples of it and have been on the receiving end from time to time to the point where I share my foreign friends' opinion of Toronto. In spite of all our economic problems, real and imaginary, any survey carried out over the years demonstrates that we consistently rank near the top in terms of the standard of living. Our rate of inflation is currently about 3-4 per cent below that of the perennial leaders Switzerland and Germany, we have interest rates at a level most countries can only think about and another survey, this time by the International Monetary Fund, puts our growth next year at an incredible 4.9 per cent, a full percentage point ahead of Japan. This is 1.6 per cent ahead of the average forecast for all the industrialized countries. Even our wailing and gnashing of teeth tends to go unnoticed. People I talk to in other countries have a generally high opinion of Canadians; we tend to avoid the excesses of our neighbours to the south both at home and as tourists and our unrivaled reputation in peace-keeping duties under the aegis of the United Nations has not gone unnoticed. Perhaps one of the most telling statements I have seen about our country has come from one of my more intelligent students, also an immigrant to this country, who supplied me with a quote that “Canada is a solution in search of a problem.” I have a suspicion that some people will also take exception to that. TheShort of it By Bonnie Gropp The price of unnecessary surgery I like spending money. Ask my husband. It's something I have accepted that we must do so I do it with gusto. Usually. There are those times, however, when the idea of spending my hard earned dime makes me want to sew the zipper of my wallet shut. When circumstances beyond my control cost me money and I don't even gel any fun out of it, then I get ticked. Illness and injury are not something we choose to suffer, so it's a real bonus for Canadians that we don't have to be faced with the concern of how to pay for our medical bills in the event that mishap befall us. When you think of the astronomical doctor and hospital fees that burden citizens of the United States we should think twice before knocking our health insurance. Usually. My eldest recently learned that he must have his wisdom teeth extracted. This is apparently not avoidable, nor delayable. So, okay, a trip to the hospital, a little discomfort —alright a lot of discomfort—and that's it. NOT! Ontario's health plan no longer covers wisdom tooth extraction, you see. Anyway, after showing me the estimated cost of the procedure my son peeled me off the ceiling and we discussed the details. I became more frustrated the more we talked so decided to call our dentist to find out a little more. I was told that about four years ago the provincial government agreed that cuts needed to be made and so they were. It was felt at that time that the extraction of wisdom teeth was a service that was being abused so it would no longer be covered under the province's health plan. Impacted wisdom teeth, if not looked after, may eventually lead to more serious health problems, including infection in the jaw area. Having them removed means a consultation with a dental surgeon, anesthetic, the whole bit. For my family the impact is lessened as we have dental insurance, which will cover some of the bill, however, there are many persons for whom the removal of wisdom teeth would empty more than their mouth. Certainly, there are questions of abuse when it comes to our health care. But, like our welfare system, which serves its purpose when used properly, there is injustice. Is it really fair that someone should pay to have their teeth removed, while another person can have a tattoo taken off without spending a nickel? After all, we didn't pay someone to put our wisdom teeth there in the first place. They came with the original package. That cosmetic surgery, simply for vanity's sake is still being paid by tax dollars really isn't right. Certainly, money had to be saved. But, if someone is having surgery on advice from a surgeon why should they pay when others do not? There have been many instances over the years when it has been suggested that medical treatment has been abused. The cry went out over unnecessary hysterectomies and tonsillectomies. If wisdom teeth are being pulled unnecessarily, it's hardly the patient's fault. You don't see a lot of us lining up to ask for it. We trust our medical professionals to give us the best advice. When something is abused it's right to have it taken away but victims shouldn't pay. After all, going under the knife is bad enough, without having our budget cut into too.