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Home My WebLink AboutThe Citizen, 1992-02-12, Page 17THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12,1992. PAGE 17. Couples' sleep life can effect their marriage A battleground? Don't let your wedding bed leave you feeling sleepy. Invest in quality bedding to ensure a restful night's sleep for you and your spouse. “Don't go to bed angry” is sound advice commonly given to newly weds, but what about problems that arise in bed? Sex aside, sharing a Avoid honeymoon pitfalls Terry, a bride-to-be from Cincin nati, had always dreamed of a Caribbean honeymoon spent strolling along romantic beaches and shopping in open-air markets. Her fiance, Eric, had set his sights on the roulette wheels and heartshaped hot tubs in Las Vegas. So, to “be nice,” Terry agreed to take a gamble. Big mistake. She got trumped instead of suntanned - and she blamed Eric. A honeymoon should be the trip of a lifetime, for both partners. But so many expectations and emotions are built into the experience that, without a few precautions, it can become a minefield of disappoint ments. To avoid the most common honeymoon pitfalls, Bride's Maga zine offers these important tips: 1. Be honest with each other. If you go along with your mate's choice to appease him or her, it can lead to quarrels and resentment later on. Instead, work together to find an agreeable compromise. A honeymoon in Aruba, Puerto Rico, or St. Maarten would have let Eric try his luck while Terry sunned and shopped. 2. Don't expect non-stop romance. Since it will take time to wind down from all the wedding Experts give wedding advice Can there be such a thing as a man of honor at a wedding? What are the ground rules for an inter faith ceremony? Is it okay to invite some coworkers to the wedding ... and not others? According to Bride’s Magazine, wedding dilemmas have changed - dramatically - in the last decade. Bride's and some of the country's leading authorities on social graces offer these new views on wedding rules: Question: My best friend is male. Is it all right for him to be my “man of honor”? Judith Martin (Miss Manners) responds: Absolutely! It's also fme for a groom to select a female “best person.” A man of honor wears the same attire as the ushers; a female best person wears a dress com patible with the bridesmaids' dresses. Question: Is it common for the groom's family to share wedding costs? How can we tell them we'd bed requires a meshing of sleep styles that are often totally differ ent. And, unless compromises can be worked out, the bed can become excitement, make intimacy and fun a priority. 3. Don't forget your sense of humor. Honeymoons take place in the real world, where waiters spill soup and luggage can go astray. Laughing through the bumps will get your marriage off on the right foot. 4. Don't try to do too much. Five Hawaiian islands in one week is madness. A better idea is to spend the first few days relaxing and rediscovering each other, then explore nearby sites and cities. 5. Feel free to spend some time away from your partner. Scout out the local cafes or collect shells along the beach while your partner naps or scuba dives. 6. Don't under-budget. Even if you're heading for an all-inclusive resort, put together a contingency fund - you don't want to arrive at the airport short the $10 departure tax you need to get home. 7. Check with a travel agent or tourist bureau to find out which official papers (visa, passport, birth certificate) are required for your destination well before your depar ture. And be sure that all travel documents, including your tickets, are accurate, up to date, and in hand at least one week before you leave. appreciate contributions? Abigail Van Buren (Dear l^vy) responds: If the grooms' family can afford to contribute, the sensitive thing is for them to make the offer. Question: My fiance and I are planning to pay for our own wed ding. Should my parents' names be on the invitation? Barbara Tober (Editor-in-Chief, Bride's Magazine) responds: Hav ing your parents' name on the wed ding invitation not only honors them, it reflects their approval for your marriage. It is also acceptable for engaged couples to issue the invitations in their own names, especially if they have been in dependent for many years. “Today’s etiquette is designed to help smooth the way through con temporary wedding dilemmas,” says Barbara Tober. “Doing things ‘right’ is no longer the main issue; what counts is being thoughtful, kind, and courteous.” a battleground, putting a strain on the relationship and robbing both partners of the sleep they need, says psychologist Dr. Joyce Broth ers. “Your sleep life affects your mar riage as much as your sex life does,” she says. “If you’re not sleeping harmoniously together, and one or both partners is not sleeping well, it will have a pro found impact on your daily activi ties and your relationship.” The first step in building a better night's sleep is to take a closer look at the bed you share. It's difficult for either of you to get a good night's sleep on an old, wom-out mattress. If the mattress is more than eight to 10 years old, it pro bably is too old to provide the opti mum sleeping environment. Many couples often make the mistake of sleeping on a bed that is too small to accommodate the nightly tossings and turnings of two in a bed. People normally change position 40 to 60 times during the night, including a dozen full-body turns. And, studies show, each time one partner moves, the other moves within 20 seconds. According to sleep researcher Dr. Peter Hauri, author of the book, No 8. Let hotel staff know that you're honeymooners. They may offer champagne, invite you to a newly weds' cocktail party, or even upgrade your room to a suite. No need to shy away from socializing, either - other honeymooners might key you in on hidden treasures, such as a local nightclub or se cluded cove not mentioned in the tourist manuals. 9. Be prepared for on-site expenses. If you've used credit cards to cover pre-wedding costs, be sure you're well enough under your credit limit to pay for- honey moon purchases. Also, don't over look small expenses - such as international phone calls, gift-shop items, and laundry service - which can ambush your budget. More Sleepless Nights, those dis ruptions can keep a person from getting the needed amount of rest ful sleep. Hauri found that it takes at least 10 minutes of undisturbed sleep before deep delta sleep can develop, and if you're disturbed during that period, the clock must start all over again. For maximum sleeping comfort, couples need a king or queen-size mattress and foundation. “A bigger bed won't stop you from snuggling when you want to, but it will pre vent you from being disturbed every time your partner changes position,” says Dr. Brothers, who points out that a double bed pro vides only as much room as two baby cribs. “You need to allow enough sleep space for both of you to move freely.” Once you've eliminated the bed as a source of nightly skirmishes, figure out ways to compromise sleep habits and idiosyncrasies that are not compatible with your When 5 plus the groom rent (More specials available) A complete showroom of tuxedos to plan your wedding. Uasker's uxedos GROOM'S TUXEDO YOU DESERVE OUR FULL ATTENTION! Denomme Flowers are Specialists in both Fresh & Artificial Wedding Bouquets 524-8132 Of course we have wicker standards and candelabras available mate's. For example, if your partner keeps you awake reading or watch ing television in bed, a high-inten- sity reading light or television earphones should help. You could also try eye shades, earplugs or a “white-noise” machine. If your biological clocks aren't in sync, go to bed at different times. Trying to force sleep when you aren't tired is likely to cause insom nia. Keep in mind also that a spouse that snores heavily is no joking matter. It may be the symp tom of a serious, but often treat able, condition called sleep apnea. Whether you need a new bed, a set of earplugs or a visit to a sleep disorder center, it will be worth whatever investment it takes to ensure that your sleep life together is as good as it can be. When you're both getting the rest you need, you'll have the energy, the sense of humour and the perspective to deal more effectively with other rela tionship issues. DENOMME FLOWER SHOP INC. 140 THE SQUARE GODERICH