HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1992-02-12, Page 12PAGE 12. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12,1992.
Optimism Place worker speaks to UCW
"If it feels abusive to you, then it
is."
This was the message of Karen
Hancock of Optimism Place in
Stratford, an emergency shelter for
abused women and their children,
when she spoke to a group of peo
ple at the United Church in Brus
sels on Wednesday evening.
Abuse, explained Ms Hancock, is
not necessarily physical. If some
one is constantly puts you down,
makes you feel worthless, keeps
you isolated, threatens you, tries to
control your behaviour or makes
you feel guilty or ashamed of
what's happening, it's abuse.
Ms Hancock, who has worked in
shelters since she was 19 years of
age, said Optimism Place in its past
fiscal year, aided 90 women and
123 children. There are 20 beds and
cribs in the four bedroom home,
nine of which are funded by the
Ministry. Funding is based on a per
diem rate for a four-week stay.
"One in four women is a victim
of abuse at the hands of her part
ner," said Ms Hancock. "In Strat
ford alone, that's 500-600 women."
Presently, they are trying to find a
new shelter in Stratford, but with
government cuts to Social Services,
Ms Hancock says it is unlikely to
happen.
The house is secured by an alarm
system and a panic button on each
floor. The doors are always locked
and callers are identified by phone,
before permitted entry.
For children, there is a backyard,
enclosed by a large fence, and a
large, colourful playroom in the
basement.
There are six people on staff at
Optimism Place, overseeing admin
istration and counselling, which is
offered in person or by phone. The
shelter also has advocacy for legal
assistance and a child care coordi
nator.
Ms Hancock said the children
coming to Optimism Place often
need a great deal of assistance and
counselling as they have many
feelings to work through. "They
have been taken away from their
home and from their father so chil
dren are frequently angry," she
said.
On the average, abused women
will be battered 35 times before
they will seek help, said Ms Han
cock. Often they are not financial
ly capable of leaving. Many believe
too strongly in their marriage vows.
"My belief," said Ms Hancock, "is
that 'till death do us part' means the
death of the relationship. Others see
religious reasons to stay. That's
unfortunate, because those vows
may ultimately happen."
Another reason women stay is
that it can be too dangerous to
leave. "Society doesn't always
understand this," she said, adding
that more changes in societal
beliefs will come about when men
start talking about the issue. "Men
will listen to men, just as children
are more likely to listen to their
friends than their parents," she said.
Though men can be abused as
well, Ms Hancock said it is infre
quent. "Men are the victims in one
percent of the cases and most often
the abuse came from another man,
such as the wife's brother or uncle,"
she said.
Some people believe that men are
more often the victims of emotional
abuse, she said. "Women are more
verbal and use those abilities, said
Ms Hancock, adding that she thinks
that is a talent men can learn as
well.
"It's a red herring used to de
focus the issue," she said, just as
the myth of women being able to
beat their husbands. "Certainly
there are cases where it is as seri
ous, but women, normally, just
aren't as strong.
Also, Ms Hancock says women
fight back for different reasons than
men. "With men it's usually con
trol, for women it's to protect them
selves. It comes out of frustration,"
she explains.
Abusers are mentally ill, says Ms
Hancock. "They have taken in all
of society's anti-female messages.
They need individual counselling,
but in seeking it the motivation
must come from inside. Often a
man will say he will get profession
al help, but it won't work because
he only did it to get her to come
back."
What makes this difficult is that
the abusive relationship is working
for the man. "Why should he give
up 'recliner control' to work at a
relationship based on intimacy,
trust and equality?" asked Ms Han
cock. "He doesn't see anything in it
for himself."
Any woman who finds herself in
an abusive relationship can seek
help from Optimism Place, regard
less of where she lives. Confiden
tiality is honoured, to the point, Ms
Hancock says, where even police
officers must leave messages.
The crisis line is open 24 hours a
KAREN HANCOCK
day for counselling or assistance. If
you need transportation a taxi or
police officer will be sent to get
you. The phone number is listed in
the yellow page and in the white
pages under Optimism Place. For
information or assistance call 1-
800-265-8598.
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