HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Lucknow Sentinel, 1979-02-14, Page 7Luckaow Seat ieil, Wednesday! February -14, 1979—Page 7
From within the old Redtrees Hotel, many stories
originated; most ot hem untrue. When the minds of
the patrons were fged by alcohol, the unbelievable
became reality, each storyteller trying to excel at his ,
art.
Every Saturday _evening, a little henpecked man
called Jimmy Dogan, attended the liars' convention. It
was the only night his wife would allow him to escape
from her constant nagging.
By virtue of her immense size, Mrs. Dogan wore the
pants and guided Jimmythrough his retirement years
with an iron .hand. She had discovered her superiority
half a century before the advent of the feminist
Movement, and didn't have to burn her outsize
support garment to prove it. When she spoke,. Jimmy
jumped!
For 50 years, during his working days, Jimmy had
walked around the railway marshaling, yards, tapping
the wheels of trains with a long handled hammer. He
called himself a "locomotive undercarriage in-
spector" but his. workmates had a shorter job
description for his monotonous activities.
Since nothing spectacular had ever happened in his
life, •Jimmy was'deterrninedto invent an adventurous
past from his fertile imagination. He related fantastic
stories, repeating them so often, he began to believe
them himself!
One Saturday evening, with all, the regular,, liars
present, a farmer was recounting -the exploits Of his.
pioneer grandfather.
",'e were the roughtest, toughest man in these hills,
so 'e were. A big brawny Scotsman with a punch that
could fell an ox!"
Through the dense tobacco smoke, the audience..
looked intently at the /farmer. He took a long drink
from his bottle, wiped the residue from his mouth with
the back of his hand and belched loudly:
"Yep, ''e were a moose of a man,'' he. continued.
"Walked all the way to Pantown -- through thick
bush. Bought a wooden plough there -- so 'e did -- 'an
'e carried it by''imself, all the way back to Redtrees!"
"Is that right?'' ''Yer don't say!'' '`By the jaeze--
wot a man!" The listeners chorused in amazement.
Jimmy Dogan had thought deeply about the story •
and was digging into his imagination to top it. It would
be difficult to beat but he had never failed -yet, had
he?
"That ain't nothin," Jimmy said all casual like.
"My ole grandpa did the same an' more. Nobody
were as tough as ole Danny Dogan!" He looked at the
farmer and tried to appear apologetic, "Mind yer,
ain't saying yer grandpa weren't tough. Maybe 'e
were a real tough guy, but nobody hereabouts were as
tough as Dangerous Danny Dogan" He puffed out his
little chest with his new found pride. "Yep, that's wot
they called 'im -_ Dangerous Dan." '
Seems like I 'eard a name like that before,' a total
disbeliever interjected sarcastically. "I'm. -sure I read
it in a book someplace!".
Jimmy totally ignored` the doubter -and' continued.
"Grandpa Dogan bought a wolodenplough from
Pantown, an' wots more, 'e bought a jug o' whisky. It
were real powerful liquor in them days!" He took a
lingering drink from, his rapidly diminishing bottle, to
give his brain' time to conjure up the ending.
"So what 'appened? Yeah, tell us about Dangerous.
Dan."
Jimmy beamed, savouring the luxury of his'.
success. `'Welt, mi grandpa; 'e carried that plough all
the' way back to Redtrees and beyond. 'e lived quite a
piece beyond maybe four or five mile. 'e were tough
were ole Dan, an' .'e drank that`iug 'o whisky on the
way 'ome•-- every last dreg!" •
Jimmy knocked back' the remains of his bottle.as if
to demonstrate old Dan's actions and perhaps, as a
cocky, finale to' his story. He now felt in a stronger
position tonegotiate with the barman for replenish-
ment.
"D'yer think I could ...?
"Not, a chance," the. barman said.decisively.
"You've 'ad yer ration fer tonight. Dangerous Dan
might 'ave been some. drinker but you sure ain't ---
two' yer limit. Your old woman ud kill me if I gave
yer another swaller!"
Jimmy glowered with envy at the over abundance of,
liquid refreshment which surrounded him. It was near
and yet so far. He looked appealingly at each and
every member of the liars club in turn, his eyes
begging for their generosity. They avoided his glance:
it was better to refuse Jimmy now than face the old
tigress Mrs. Dogan later! •',
A weekend cottager at the next table, felt sympathy
for the little man and slipped him a glass of whisky.
Jimmy repaid the kindness with more outlandish
stories, and was repeatedly rewarded for his efforts
until closing time.
When Jimmy Dogan , eventually stumbled in the
general direction of his home, he was in a drunken
stupor. Barely able to walk, he wandered off the road
and lost his way in a cedar swamp.
A newcomer t� Redtrees, and ab recent addition to
' the church choir, was returning home after a later
practice, when he heard feeble cries for help. He
found Jimmy up to his knees in oozing mud, and with
some difficulty dragged' him clear. The good
Samaritan took the little man's weight and they
staggered together like a couple of drunken sailors,
towards the Dogan residence.
Old Mrs. Dogan had been looking out -of the
window, frantically awaiting the arrival of her
husband. In the glow of the outside light, she saw the
two men lurching up the pathway. She grabfed a',
walking stick, determined to let the stranger know
that she would show no mercy to people who
encouraged her Jimmy into drunkedness.
Without waiting for any explanation, and in 'spite of
his protests, she whacked the unfortunate chorister
about his -legs, until he was forced to release his
burden and beat a hasty retreat from his persecutor.
Next morning, Mrs. Dogan attended church whilst
Jimmy blissfully slept in his bed. When the choir filed
solemnly in from the vestry, she recognised her victim
of the night before, as he limped painfully to his place
in the choir stalls,
"Hypocrite, that's wot 'e is," she said to herself in
disgust. "A devil on :Saturday night an' a cherub on
Sunday. mornin'!.
We Got Em!
TALL BIG
Work Shirts
Vests
Coveralls
Cords
Drawers
Jeans •
Work Pants
Overalls
'Skidoo Suits
Bell Shirts
Canadian Made
SPECIAL BUY
Boy's Underwear
Off
MANY IN STORE SPECIALS
Char Man's
Work Clothing ,
OPEN SIX DAYS A WEEK
LUCKNOW PHONE 528-2526
ELEOTROHOME
furnace. heat
drains away.
necessary
moisture
humidifier ..
puts healthful
moisture balk
into the air
• • •
PROPER HUMIDITY
HELPS PREVENT
SORE THROATS
AND SINUS CONDITIONS
LOWER FUEL COST
HUMID AIR IS MORE
COMFORTABLE AT
LOWER TEMPERATURES
PROPER HUMIDITY
KEEPS PLANTS GREEN
AND HEALTHY ALL WINTER
FIRST NAME
IN HUMIDIFIERS 4995
•••••••••,•••••••\m••••••••••••••••••••011106411••••••
Gree. , r,;.
Phone 528-3112`
AO
V & Electric
Lucknow