The Rural Voice, 1989-07, Page 31financial rewards. And she has
several words of caution for people
stuck in situations where they feel
they've lost control.
"When I hated the environment I
was working in, I became depressed,
tired more quickly, and found real
difficulty sleeping. Your body gives
definite signals when it's operating on
overload."
But what about the changes you
can do nothing about? Mary Beth
Mann has encountered some major
ones.
Twenty years ago, Mary Beth
married Bill, a dairy farmer, and
settled five miles from where she was
raised. Bill was considerably older
than Mary Beth and a perfectionist.
May Beth felt herself thrust into a
learning role with a very particular
taskmaster.
"I really found myself dwelling on
how inadequate I was," Mary Beth
says. "Bill would point out what the
neighbouring wives were capable of,
and obviously expected the same from
me."
"It took many years, but I finally
came to terms with myself," she says.
"I found I did less than some and more
than others and was happy with it."
Mary Beth now finds herself
a widow, living in Kitchener and
going back to school. How did such
a drastic change affect her? "The
decisions were made after a great deal
of thought and enduring a tremendous
amount of pain," she says.
Bill was sick with a degenerative
disease for three years and became
entirely dependent on her. He did not
wish to stay in a hospital and Mary
Beth obtained the services of Home-
care and devoted herself entirely to
Bill, often even excluding the growing
needs of her two daughters. In retro-
spect, Mary Beth found herself ques-
tioning whether what she did was
right. But she puts her conclusion
simply. "I did all I could for Bill
when he was alive so I wouldn't feel
guilty after he died."
After Bill's death, Mary Beth
found it impossible to remain on the
farm where so many treasured and sad
memories had been shared. She chart-
ed a course. The move to Kitchener
really jolted Mary Beth and her two
daughters.
"The culture shock was tremen-
dous. The girls missed their life-long
friends from the Monkton area and
found it difficult to enter the estab-
lished society of the Kitchener school.
The values my daughters have been
raised in concerning work ethics and
entertainment were different from
those of their new acquaintances."
Mary Beth took the ultimate chal-
lenge a woman with two daughters
almost grown can take. She enrolled
in a college to get her degree as a
social worker. "After what I had gone
through," she says, "social work was a
natural choice for me."
Mary Beth surprised herself by
how well she did. But, as it was with
her farming career, she overcompen-
sated and was close to burnout before
she pulled back and re -assessed her
situation. "Choices are thrown at
you," Mary Beth says, "and when you
really examine them closely, you find
there really aren't that many. The
most important choice anyone can
make is to be good to themselves."
Mary Beth still owns the farm she
lived on for so many years. She hasn't
been able at this point to go back and
make decisions concerning it. "The
pain is still raw," she says.
There is yet another year of
college to go through before Mary
Beth realizes her objective, and she is
fully confident she can succeed.
"Perhaps someday I'll go back to the
community I lived in for so long, but
not right now. There are other
challenges for me to face before I
go back."
Choices and changes — there is
a difference between them. But most
of the women interviewed agreed the
difference was difficult to recognize
at times. But it's also obvious that
change brings many redeeming
results. It strengthens the individual
and often reaffirms or increases the
strength of family ties.0
"1 would get the axe stuck
when I couldn't hit the
block right and if 1 didn't
want to freeze to death
had to learn how to chop
and do it right..."
RIPLEY
ELEVATORS
a division of
Thompson Feed & Supply
receiving
WHEAT
CANOLA
FLAX
Buyers of
Barley, Oats
& Mixed Grain
Ripley Ont.
Elevator 519-395-5959
Mill 519-395-5955
Res. 519.395-5550
PRESSURE WASHER
SHOP LTD.
Dynablasfi app S
Propane Fired OSI Fired
Energy Efficient
Cleaning Machines
Ontario Pork Industry
Improvement Plan Approved
For FREE Demonstration, Call:
RON
STEMMLER
R.R.1, Elmira, Ontario N3B 2Z1
519-669-2150
JULY 1989 29