The Rural Voice, 1988-09, Page 85AGRICULTURAL
EMPLOYMENT
SERVICES*
• Formerly Canada Farm Labour Pool
NEW NAME - SAME RELIABLE SERVICE
Provide employment planning
assistance to the agricultural
industry
Recruit workers for agricultural
employment
Assist worker orientation and
transportation
Promote good employment
standards
Provide information about
government employment
programs
OWEN SOUND WALKERTON
371-9522 881-3671
Hydraulic Cylinder
& Jack Repair
Service
• Oxygen & Acetylene Gases
• Welding Equipment &
Supplies
• Tools & Power Equipment
— for the woodworking or
machinery repair shop
Imperial Eastman
Hydraulic Hose and Coupling
Centre
Fast Reliable Service
GLOBAL TOOLS
EQUIPMENT
Listowel
519-291-2280
an Ideal Supply company
8 THE RURAL VOICE
A FARM MARRIAGE
AND THE FINAL TEST
An ad placed in our local
newspaper struck me as the most
humiliating thing a man could do to
a woman. He informed the world at
large, via rented paper space, that he
would no longer be responsible for his
wife's debts. My first reaction was
that he should be covered with honey
and staked out over a red ant hill.
I thrust the offending item under
Super Wrench's nose and waited for
his comments. He chuckled, took one
look at me, and with a tug at the
corners of his mouth informed me I
didn't have to worry about him taking
such drastic action for a least another
two years.
"Why two years?" I questioned,
dumbfounded.
"That's when your `wifely
apprenticeship' period is up," he
replied. "I figure it takes at least 25
years to train a woman properly in the
art of being a wife."
"Train me!" I shrieked, "where did
you get the idea I was a dog enrolled
in obedience school? I had this role
down pat after the first audition."
"Oh?" he said. "How come you
still haven't mastered some of the
basics of being married to a farmer,
then? There are still a few things
you've got to come to grips with
before you pass the `final test'."
By this time I had an ant hill
picked out for him and Super Wrench
was backing cautiously towards the
door. I advanced menacingly and
asked him to point out one solid
reason he would have for flunking me
on this final test. He couldn't get the
words out fast enough before he made
his escape and left me to mull over my
atrocious shortcomings.
1. I was to resign myself to not
arguing with him because he's proven
countless times he's always right.
2. By this time I should know
enough to bring his meals to him if
he's not ready to cat them when I've
cooked and, if that isn't possible, to
keep his steak medium rare for two
hours after it's hit the frying pan.
3. Stop trying to get him
interested in city shopping trips and
start getting giddy with excitement as
he tours every machinery yard within
a hundred miles just to "look."
4. Stop sewing his pockets shut
when I mend his pants.
5. Don't bug him about fixing the
lawnmower. It's older than our first-
born and by now I should be able to
take it apart and put it back together,
cutting blade down, in my sleep. If I
can't, don't bother him about it until
December when he's not fixing "real"
machinery.
6. Get my priorities straight
concerning the difference between
purchases for the house and those for
the farm. The first don't generate
income, the second do, so wise up and
stop whining about books holding up
the end of the sofa.
7. Don't nag to go home just
when he's beginning to have a good
time at a party. He knows it's three in
the morning and if he's willing to drag
his butt around while holding his
aching head the next day, why should
I mind?
If the gorge has risen in your throat
while you've gone through this list,
keep this in mind. This man has
sweated and toiled in the broiling sun
all summer without a hat. Had his
brain not been french -fried, he would
have stopped after the first little gem
of wisdom. The rest is redundant.
Anyone for ant hills?0
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce County,
began her series of humorous columns
with The Rural Voice. Her most recent
book, Brace Yourself, is available for
$7 from Bumps Books, Teeswater,
Ontario, NOG 2S0.