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12 THE RURAL VOICE
`JOHNNY WHO?' AND
`CHEQUEBOOK CHARLIE'
Along with the sweet smells of this
spring of 1988 comes the rather sickly
odor of hustings fever.
Yes, Prime Minister Mulroney has
hinted at an election, as has Joe Clark,
the miracle boy of Conservative poli-
tics who has risen above the embar-
rassing days of "Joe Who?"
When Joe was floundering in the
pre -Mulroney hatchet days, a rising
star of 1979 was John Wise, an Elgin
County boy. And when Mulroney
took over, it looked for a while as if
Wise's star would shine even brighter.
But in his four years at the helm of
Agriculture Canada, you might say the
star of the Good 01' Boy from Elgin
has lost much of its lustre. He could
even take on the old Joe moniker —
and be referred to as "John Who?"
A long time ago, Johnny decided
he wanted to handle political animals
rather than dairy cattle. He ran and
succeeding locally, then decided he
wanted to play politics with the big
boys. That meant Ottawa. Through-
out the 1970s he paid his dues, and he
was finally bestowed with his mantle
of power as Minister of Agriculture by
Smilin' Brian.
But that mantle has slowly drop-
ped in the ongoing farm crisis, and
Johnny just may have been duped.
Recently, "Chequebook Charlie"
Mayer was granted broader powers
than just Minister of State for the
Canadian Wheat Board. He's been
given the new moniker, Minister of
State for Grains and Oilseeds.
The export -dependent grain and
oilseed business of Western Canada is
certainly important, and Charlie, being
a pseudo -Westerner from Manitoba,
has been the boy to give out the
billion -dollar bailout cheques to the
boys on the range. So Mayer's
expanded power base seems logical.
What is forgotten, of course, is that
besides a healthy wheat industry, corn
and soybeans are kings in Ontario, this
richest of agricultural provinces. So
the reality is that what "Chequebook
Charlie" gained, "Johnny Who?" lost.
No longer can John rub shoulders
with the cash -crop boys of southwest-
ern Ontario, unless of course it invol-
ves those who are being phased out by
John's Farm Debt Review Boards.
While John still sips Ontario wine
— or maybe it's Californian now —
with marketing -board boys and beef
and pork farmers, he's got more to
lose than gain. His debt review
boards are losing credibility and
nationally the bankrupt Farm Credit
Corporation is a mess.
The Grits, who of course aren't
blameless in the farm depression of
the 1980s, initiated the idea of giving
balance to the agriculture portfolio by
giving Easterners (Ontarians in parti-
cular) their federal agriculture minis-
ter, and Westerners an agriculture
minister by another name, Minister of
State for the Canadian Wheat Board.
I don't think this new mix of min-
istries will wash in Ontario, although
in the West it's ideal. "Chequebook
Charlie" can hand out subsidies across
Canada, and "John Who?" can move
farmers off their land across the land.
Knowing little about that exclusive
club of federal cabinet boys and how it
works from within, my observation
from without would be that Elgin 01'
Boy John Wise has been suckered. He
takes the rap for farm failures while
old "Chequebook" hands out the dole.
So it is that before the next federal
election, I say their ministerial moni-
kers should be cleansed so the voter
will better understand their roles.
Here's what I suggest: The Hon.
Charles Mayer, Minister of State for
Grains, Oilseeds, and Bailout Bonus-
es; The Hon. John Wise, Minister of
Agriculture for Marketing Boards,
Beef, Pork, and Bankruptcies.0
Gord Wainman has been an urban -
based agriculture reporter for 12 years.