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4 THE RURAL VOICE
Gisele Ireland
The home, as
men would have it
Teeswater Fair made history this
year. For the first time in its 141
years of awarding grand champion
ribbons, the award for the top cake
went to a
MAN!
The winner
was obviously
uncomfortable
as the cake was
auctioned off
to the
spectators, and
even more so
when it
brought the
previously
unheard of
price of S125.
Of course,
along with the
hoots and hollers throughout the
event, there was a vein of disbelief
and awe that a man would come
forth and confess that he, with the
help of a couple of grandsons, had
managed to turn flour and eggs into
a winner.
The disussion at the table I was
seated at immediately swung into a
kibitzing exchange between men
and women and their respective
contributions to a happy home life.
The women at our table learned a
lot, I know I did.
According to the supposedly
happily married men present, if they
had their druthers, things around the
bull pen would be different than
they were now.
First of all, there would be no
curtains. They are a waste of money
and a woman's energy, zipping from
store to store in the desperate quest
to match them to the other useless
and equally financially exhausting
decorative items in the house.
Wallpaper should be put on once,
(minus a woman's presence as they
get all bent out of shape at this job)
and then last for at least 25 years.
Many a wallpapering binge has
begun as a duo and finished at the
divorce lawyer's office. Paint is a lot
better, and even that should only be
re -done when the cracks in the walls
are big enough to make condos for
mice.
Men, without feminine influence,
would set the table and leave the
stuff you always use, such as sugar,
salt and ketchup there until it needed
refilling. Jostling back and forth
from cupboard to table is wasted
time, better spent watching football.
If the plates aren't too dirty, there's
no reason they can't hold another
meal and make it worth the time to
waste water on them.
Men would prefer to get rid of
the little extras women seem to find
necessary, such as tablecloths and
napkins. Shirt sleeves work fine for
the odd chin wipe and pant legs
work great to absorb what the finger
licking missed. The rest is taken
care of by the pooch under the table.
It was also noted by the males
present that women spend far too
much time picking up and hiding
their magazines and periodicals.
They want them left where they
were reading them, for at least a
couple of weeks. On the same note,
why take the decorations off the
Christmas tree, when you're only
going to put them back on next year.
Do the job once. Everyone's house
should have a big enough closet to
house a fully decorated tree.
Clean bed sheets, especially
whcn stacked, freshly laundered on
the dresser, seems to irk some men.
They hate trying to wrestle a fitted
sheet on the mattress. They prefer
a made bed with the sheets
laundered while they've gone
hunting.
There were several other
aggravating things women insisted
on such as buying more vegetables
than liquid refreshments, pasta
mixes rather than a good chunk of
cheese and a hunk of roast beef,
both of which could be hacked off
when the mood strikes them.
I was not surprised to hear them
relate how they preferred not to
shave on a daily basis and relax
around the house in their boxers. I