The Rural Voice, 1992-05, Page 8 (2)TE—EM FARM
Wholesale & Retail
ANNUAL OPEN HOUSE
May 2-3, 1992
9:OOa.m.-6p.m.
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Our green houses are open
for your viewing pleasure.
Come see our top quality,
home-grown bedding plants,
etc., & nursery stock
Goderlch
Telephone Rd.
Golf
x Course
Hu.o, County 113
Reylleld
TE•EAl
FARM
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Clinto▪ n
R. R. 1, Bayfield, Ontario
519-482-3020
CANADIAN
CO-OPERATIVE
WOOL GROWERS
LIMITED
ACCEPTING
WOOL CLIPS
ON CONSIGNMENT
r+
Skirted Fleeces
Well -Packed Sacks
For more information contact:
RIPLEY
WOOL DEPOT
John Farrell
R.R. 3, Ripley, Ontario
519-395-5757
4 THE RURAL VOICE
BETTING THE FARM
ON FARMING
Finding an article in the newspa-
per nowadays that makes the sap of
life run joyously through your veins
is as hard as finding a pig that will
skirt around a mud wallow. Super
Wrench managed it though.
He was sitting there, paper in
front of him, shovelling oatmeal in
his mouth, and just simply burst into
laughter. Not just the polite tee hee-
ing you hear from time to time. This
was deep in the belly chortles that
made his eyes water and made me
fearful he'd mistakenly swallowed
his spoon. Of course, once he was
back to normal (as much as it's pos-
sible for him), he was able to clue me
in. I hate to miss a good laugh before
I comb my hair in the morning.
Evidently our government's latest
ploy to plunder our pockets pulled at
his funny string. Gambling was
going to be legalized and the
provincial coffers would overflow
with lucre.
"Can you imagine the brain power
it took to come up with that?" he
wanted to know. "We've gambled
legally for over a quarter of a century
and all it got us was on the waiting
list of the Debt Review Board."
Finally the sun came over the
horizon for me. He was talking about
fanning.
Maybe the government's got
something there but hasn't fully
developed it yet.
We've got all the gambling insti-
tutions in place, most of them just
begging for a buyer, so the invest-
ment would be minimal ... all we'd
need is a few high rollers with a lot of
vision to put up the ante.
For centuries, farmers have scat-
tered the seed over bare dirt, added a
few other expensive ingredients, and
run over the whole works with mach -
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Yourself,
is available for $7 from Bumps Books,
Teeswater, Ontario, NOG 2S0.
finery that's put them on the poorline.
We could start betting lines right
at the beginning. How many seeds
would you bet would germinate for
every 100 planted? The gamblers
could work out odds against some
existing scientific facts.
How many acres do you think that
old tractor will go over before the big
rear tire blows? If that isn't exciting
enough, we could put bets on the
clutch and maybe the odds of the rear
end making it until through seeding.
Imagine the hectic betting on
where and when a hail storm would
strike and you'd get paid double for
recognizing the odds of a tornado.
Drought could be the topic of
conversation with the bookies and
every gambler could play: heads it's
rain, tails, it's dry.
The more I think of it, the more
eager I am to get a license and get
started on this money -making project.
I'd be more than happy to share the
proceeds with the government.
City people, who know nothing
about food production, could place
bets on how long it would take for a
field of tomatoes to ripen, how many
birds it would take to strip a cherry
crop clean and how many worms
there are in an average unsprayed
apple. It would sure beat picking a
few numbers, scraping the silver
coating off or spinning a roulette
wheel.
When the first flush of excitement
died down, and we'd discussed all the
wonderful options we could give
gamblers on our farm, we realized
there was a catch. The gambler who
threw down his dollar to make money
betting on nature, government and
world politics, has the deck stacked
against him. He'd be better off to
have duckie races in his bathtub!O