The Rural Voice, 1991-08, Page 6r
PURE WATER FOR AMERICA
For service call your
professional Goulds dealer
for a reliable water system.
CLIFF's PLUMBING
& HEATING
Lucknow
519-528-3913
"Our experience
assures lower cost
water wells"
90 YEARS EXPERIENCE
Member of Canadian
and Ontario
Water Well Associations
• Farm
• Industrial
• Suburban
• Municipal
Licensed
by the Ministry
of the Environment
DAVIDSON
WELL DRILLING LTD.
WINGHAM
Serving Ontario Since 1900
519-357-1960 WINGHAM
519-886-2761 WATERLOO
2 THE RURAL VOICE
PANIC ATTACKS DON'T
FAZE "SUPER WRENCH"
Gisele Ireland is from Bruce County.
Her most recent book, Brace Yourself,
is available for $7 from Bumps Books,
Teeswater, Ontario, NOG 2S0.
A woman in the midst of a major
panic attack does not need a spouse
like Super Wrench. He doesn't suc-
cumb to anxiety attacks like I do, but
is certainly not above causing them.
"Now don't panic," is his best line
when he's done something that's sure
to make me grind my molars. I had
spent hours grooming the lawn and
flower beds for a special family dinner
with 70 guests in honour of our grand-
son's christening. What does he do to
commemorate the occasion? He got a
backhoe in to dig up the lawn. There
was a section of weeping bed that left
wet spots on the lawn. Mind you, this
has been going on for over two years,
but five days before the christening he
decides to do something about it. He's
just lucky the backhoe operator re-
fused to cover the hole with him in it.
To make the occasion even more
memorable, we had the grand daddy
of all storms the evening before the
event. I knew sheer panic was justi-
fied when we got home and remem-
bered all the doors and windows were
left open. The hydro was, of course,
noticeably absent. In the first flash of
lightning I saw the kitchen floor was
awash. "Don't worry," Super Wrench
told me, "we'll clean it up in the mor-
ning." We groped our way through
the dark house to bed and found it
soaked too. I kept thinking of melting
salads in the refrigerator between
lightning zaps that lit up the sky like a
blown up ammunition depot.
Super Wrench likes lightning. I'm
so petrified of it, if we didn't have a
water bed, I'd be under it. Meanwhile
he's trying to explain to me that rarely
do people get struck by lightning in
their beds. "What about the crops?" I
asked him. I hadn't exactly planned a
trip to the Bahamas on the profits, but
it would have been nice to have
enough to pay the input costs. "What
do you want me to do," he asked in a
disgustingly reasonable tone of voice,
"go out there with popsicle sticks and
twist ties and reinforce every stalk?"
Panic went into overdrive in the
morning. The hydro was still out. Did
Super Wrench show undue concern?
You've got to be kidding. He did
drive into town to talk to a hydro
linesman and find out what the prob-
lem was. He was almost jolly when he
told me hydro was out of the question
until the afternoon. I stood there, hair
standing on end, wondering how we'd
ever get ready for church. He suggest-
ed we treat the whole thing as a big
adventure.
We left him to it and abandoned
the homestead. The softies of the or-
ganization headed for cover with ame-
nities. Friends and relatives in town
who had hydro found us on the door-
step, toothbrush and towel in hand.
Grizzly Adams got himself a cold buc-
ket of water and roughed it. If we had
a creek, I'm sure he'd have doused
himself in it just to show us how tough
he was. He shaved in cold water and
made his coffee on the barbecue.
Super Wrench showed up in
church smug as only he can be, but he
did sport several patches of toilet tis-
sue on his face where the razor deci-
ded to get even with him.
Someone from above took pity on
me and we had hydro when we came
home from church. The dinner went
fairly well, considering the yard
looked as if elephants had tap danced
through it. The crops looked about
three inches high and hurting. As we
were cleaning up, Super Wrench asked
me if wearing myself out with anxiety
was justified. The reasonable part of
me agreed with him, but certainly not
loud enough for him to hear.
His final comment on the whole
matter was a friendly, "I hope you
noticed that there wasn't a soul who
commented on the dug up spot on the
lawn you were in such a froth about."
No wonder I panic.0