The Rural Voice, 2004-11, Page 14The
world's
problems
are
solved
daily
'round
rhe table
at
Mabel's.
"So, I hear you're heading to
Florida," Dave Winston said to
Wayne Bruce the other morning
when Wayne took a break from the
shoe store for a coffee with the gang.
"Yeh, and he's got one of those
big motor homes too," said Cliff
Murray. "Must be nice to be in a
business that makes money!"
"Hey, it's my father -in -Law's,"
argued Wayne. "He's a retired
lawyer. I couldn't afford something
like that from the store."
"You got a lot of room in that
thing," said George McKenzie. "You
suppose you could stuff a couple of
my cull cows in there? It'd just be a
couple of hours until you were across
Mabel's Grill
the border. 1 know a guy down there
you can drop them off with."
"Hey, you can take my sheep
too," said Cliff.
"And my pigs," said Dave.
"Oh sure, as if my father-in-law
didn't already think his daughter
made a mistake marrying me, I'm
going to ruin the inside of his motor
home," said Wayne.
"Besides," said Dave,."with the
border security these days they'd
catch him for sure."
"Yeh, you could probably
smuggle a terrorist in but they'd
catch one of our dangerous cows for
sure," said George. "I'd sure like to
find a way of sneaking these cattle
across the border, though."
"Maybe the CCA should be hiring
Al Qaeda as consultants," said Cliff.
"That might be a little
embarrassing," said George. "I can't
see Stan Eby explaining that at the
next cattlemen's meeting."
"I guess we need some home-
grown experts," said Dave. "Too bad
all the old rumrunners from the
prohibition days aren't around
ontrol Valve
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a
U
ydraulic Pum•
Hoses
Bearings
Hydraulic Pumps
Cylinders
B
Distributed in the north of Ontario by Barfoot's
BARFOOT'S
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WELDING AND MACHINE INC.
517 Brown St., Wiarton (519) 534-1200 1-800-265-6224
10 THE RURAL VOICE
anymore."
"How about those Indian
smugglers down by Cornwall?,"
suggested Cliff.
"Yeh, right now they've got one-
way traffic bringing cigarettes north,"
said George. "Maybe we could pay
them to smuggle cattle south."
"Might be a little harder to
smuggle cattle than cigarettes," said
Dave. "A cow standing up in a boat
is a little more conspicuous than
cigarettes stuffed under the seat."
"Yeh, and think of the poor
cattle," said Cliff. "With the speed
those guys travel you'd have to
provide goggles."
"And what happens if the cow
puts a foot through the floor of the
boat?" wondered Wayne.
"How about those little border
crossings they've got in Quebec and
New Brunswick," Dave wondered.
"They've got those monitored
with cameras," said Cliff. "They'd
have the licence plate number for
your truck and trailer."
"Not if you drove the cattle
across," said Dave. "They don't have
any licence numbers. Once over there
who could tell them from Canadian
cattle?"
"Yeh, and if you got caught you
could claim you were one of George
Bush's Texas buddies and got lost on
a cattle drive," said Wayne.
"Damn, it's pretty hard to be
sneaky with a cow," said George. "I
wish I was into something easy like
marijuana."
"Yeh, like those people who
swallow drugs in condoms and poop
them out once they're over the
border," said Cliff.
"Even if I could find a condom
that big I'm not sure which would be
worse, getting the cow into me or out
of me," said George.
"Listen, there's one drug the
Americans want from us these days:
the flu shot," said Wayne. "Maybe
we could give them one flu shot for
every cow they took. They want a
million and a half flu shots."
"Hell, if we could get what they
pay for flu shots down there, and
with what we get for cull cows up
here, we throw in the coat for free,"
said George.0