The Rural Voice, 2003-05, Page 16CANADA
STEEL
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- 479 MacEµan Street. Goderich • N7A 4M1 -
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12 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel's Grill
The
world's
problems
are
solved
daily
'round
the table
at
Mabel 's.
"Excuse me." said Cliff Murray
the other morning after he let rip with
a loud belch after finishing some
bacon and eggs at Mabel's Grill.
"We'll forgive you" said George
McKenzie, "but you won't be able to
get away with that once the Kyoto
police get on you for putting methane
into the air."
"Yes," said Molly Whiteside, "did
you see where Agriculture Canada
researchers are doing a five-year
study to see if they can reduce bovine
burping? They say it will help
Canada reduce its greenhouse gas
emissions because something like 80
per cent of the methane coming from
farms comes from cows burping."
"How do I get a job like that?"
wondered Dave Winston. "All that
money being spent on measuring
burping cows."
"You really want to spend five
years of your life listening to cows
burp?" wondered Mabel.
"Yeh, think of getting together at
a family reunion with your brother-
in-law who's telling you how he just
build a new million -dollar mansion
and he asks you what you're doing
and you say 'I spent the last five
years measuring how much gas cows
burp," said Cliff.
"It staggers the imagination
wondering how they could do it,"
said George. "What do they do, put
little face masks on the cows to make
sure they collect the gas when the
cow burps?"
"Knowing the government they
probably build a special barn that is
air tight so they can get the right
measurement from the whole herd,"
said Cliff.
"Well at least this burping thing is
one problem they're not blaming on
pigs for a change," said Dave.
"Yeh but why just cows," said
George. What about all the deer out
there, don't they burp? And what
about the buffalo. There used to be
millions of them and there was no
global warming then."
"Yeh and with three million
people in Toronto how much
methane do they produce, what with
all the salad bars and Mexican food
they've got down there," wondered
Dave.
"Maybe you should propose a
government-sponsored research
study," said Cliff.
"Yeh, I might as well waste
money as much as the next guy," said
Dave.
"Did you see that after the
government spent all that money to
grow marijuana down that mine in
Manitoba they now figure they'll
never grow the stuff," said Cliff.
"Seems they bred this really potent
stuff but it doesn't grow very well."
"Yeh well it's another case where
the government should have turned to
the private sector," said George. "I
mean there are Tots of experts out
there. All they've got to do is get that
guy who borrowed part of my swamp
last year. He seemed to know plenty."
"Yes, but why should these guys
who have been criminals all these
years suddenly get to be rich and
respectable," wondered Molly.
"That would be kinda like the
Bronfmans who were bootleggers
during prohibition but got respectable
after booze was legal again," said
Cliff. "If you've got enough money
it's amazing how fast people can
forget where you got it from."
"Yeh and hang around a
generation or so and you get so
respectable you can run for
parliament and go back to being
crooks again," said George.
"Yeh, but the Bronfmans have
been too smart to actually run for
office," said Cliff. "They just have so
much money they kind of get polit-
icians to do what they want without
having to waste their time in politics."
"They had so much money," said
Dave. "Then their son went and got
them out of booze and into those new
ventures and they lost half the family
fortune."
"What'd he do," George
wondered, "take up farming?"0