The Rural Voice, 2000-10, Page 8TK)
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,Pnces Subje'.t lohan! e W1thout Ndice
4 THE RURAL VOICE
Gisele Ireland
How we fool ourselves
It was one of those balmy days
that were rare this summer and the
Wrench and I were basking in it. He
had the whipper and I the shears and
we were hacking the green growth
back down to a
civilized -
looking level. 1
was doing it
willingly and
Super Wrench
was doing
penance. We
won't go there
right now.
Lip reading
is something
most wives
excel in and I'm
pretty good at it.
All the while the green chunks were
flying he was praying for a diversion.
His prayer was answered when a car
drove in and parked at the shop. He
showed the first enthusiasm of the
day as he sprinted for escape. Within
a few minutes he called me over and
we spent the next hour chatting
pleasantly with a couple we hadn't
seen in two decades. Super Wrench
did everything to stall their departure
but the couple realized we were busy
and knew we wanted to finish the job.
At least one of us did.
After they left, I remarked to
Suptr Wrench how I didn't recognize
them at first and how much damage
20 years had done to their
appearance. "Yeah," Super Wrench
replied, "can't you just imagine what
they are saying about us right now?"
"What do you mean?" I bristled
back, "we haven't changed all that
much. I checked in the mirror this
morning."
"But did you remember to get on
the scale?" the Wrench quipped, "I
don't think so because the neighbours
didn't complain about your
screaming again."
As we worked side by side I
mulled over this revelation and came
to the conclusion that at some point
in our lives we begin to lie to
ourselves.
Remember how we all used to
brag how much the baby weighed at
birth, down to the last ounce and how
much they gained the first year. It
was some kind of badge of honour
who had the best -gaining infant.. At
some point, weight gain became an
enemy. We try to tell ourselves we
weigh the same as when we got
married, and grant you, some still do.
Most of us are lying to ourselves. Let
me know when you hear boasting
about how much someone weighs
when they qualify for the pension.
Our age is more difficult to fudge.
Sure surgery can lop off skin and
years, but it's still kind of ridiculous
to pass yourself off as under the big
50 when you have grandchildren in
Grade 6. This kind of jogs the
memory cells about your sex life way
back then, when sideroad conception
accounted for the population growth.
If I have amnesia about this aspect of
our younger years, there are still
enough people around who made it
their business to keep track of such
going on. They'll tell you, and
everyone else of course. You don't
brag much about your love life until
the prunes and bran buds become a
regular part of your diet. It's lying
time again.
Just to finish the job of deep
clinical depression that Super Wrench
had instigated, I did the honest thing.
I found a picture of myself and Super
Wrench at his college graduation and
put it on the fridge beside a snap
taken of us this summer. I studied
them very carefully and if you
discount the bags under the eyes, the
greying hair and the general sagging
south of critical body parts, there
hasn't been much change. And that's
my final answer.0
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce County, is
an author of several humorous books
on farm life.