The Rural Voice, 2000-07, Page 8TKA
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4 THE RURAL VOICE
Gisele Ireland
So much for sharing
Sharing is a concept our parents
taught us as soon as we learned to
grab. Later our siblings demonstrated
sharing with squabbling and
scrapping which prepared us for the
voracious greed
of the tax
department.
Most people
are pretty
tenacious about
holding onto
what they deem
as exclusively
theirs. I'm at the
head of that list.
I won't share a
toothbrush, but
will gladly give
away a
headache.
There's no way
I'd consider sharing Super Wrench
but would agree to sharing the hydro
bill. I'm not greedy all the time ...
I'll share the housework, cleaning out
the cellar, piling wood and cutting
grass. I draw the line at the yard.
When Super Wrench & Son
started their machinery business I
magnanimously offered,to share the
yard and lane for business traffic.
This worked not too badly for the
first couple of years, with only minor
skirmishes. I almost got hit a couple
of times stepping out from the side of
the house with a basket of wet
laundry and nearly had cardiac arrest
when two of the grandtots were
sitting eating stones in the centre of
the lane as a big transport pulled in.
My disenchantment with sharing
began during year four and hit
explosive level when one day I
counted 62 vehicles going by the
living room window. The windows
had to remain closed unless I wanted
to shovel out the dust and the
grandtots either remained inside or
were tethered to trees like little goats
so they couldn't come to grief on the
Ireland's 401. The situation became
intolerable and I became obnoxious.
The result was a new business lane
with an offshoot for the house. Super
Wrench & Son gave me sole
jurisdiction of the front and backyard.
This worked for a very short
period of time before the sharing
concept reared its ugly head. One
day, for no reason I could ascertain,
there was a loader bucket hanging by
chains from a tree that was in my
zone. I was assured it was temporary
and it saved them a lot of time getting
the bucket re -attached if they could
suspend it from that particular
branch. I told them they had three
days until I learned how to use the
chain saw. They snickered as they
regrouped to the shop to plot and plan
other atrocities for my yard.
Unfortunately this was only the
beginning of the encroachment they
subjected me to in the next few
weeks. Customers started using the
private lane as an exit, and more than
a few men in a hurry raced by the
house down the old lane only to come
to nothing but a ditch. One intrepid
customer tried jumping the ditch
from the road with his truck and lost
a fender, a tailgate and the hour
or so it took to get him out. I noticed
not one woman committed this folly.
Added to this, a manure spreader,
the ugliest orange truck you've ever
seen wheels on and a transport
loaded with rusted atrocities ended
up in MY SECTION OF THE
YARD. By this time I was past irate
and rapidly approaching rabid. Super
Wrench & Son taunted me about
sharing and I just snarled. They
compared me to a wolf protecting his
territory and explained how a wolf
peed on every tree and obstacle
encircling his territory to deter
invasion. They offered to sell tickets
should I resort to this method of
staking my claim.
There's one thing that I haven't
tried that occurred to me while
watching television. I could get some
of that crime scene tape and rope off
what is mine and have a rock catapult
erected to whonk those daring to go
past the the line. I need a source for
this tape fast as I am really getting
sick of sharinb 0
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce County, is
an author of several humorous books
on farm life.