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12 THE RURAL VOICE
Mabel's Grill
"First we shoot the groundhog,
then we go after the guys who
promised us global warming,"
grumbled George McKenzie the
other morning.
"Hey, be thankful. It's starting to
warm up," said Mabel from the
kitchen.
"At this
rate we'll get
to put in crops
about July
15," said
George.
"I was
thinking about
frost seeding."
said Dave
Winston.
"You think it
will work for
soybeans?"
"Hey, I
figured I'd do
further processing and grow frozen
corn this year," said Cliff Murray.
"With this weather I'd have the
advantage of not having to freeze it."
"The sun is shining, the
temperature is warming up and you
guys are still bitching," said Mabel.
"I mean look on the bright side: you
could be living in Quebec and have
to put up with that idiot they've got
for premier down there."
"Don't you mean president -in -
waiting?" wondered Cliff. "Mr.
Landry figures Quebec is already a
separate country but it's just not
official yet."
"I say we just let him have his
way and be done with them," said
George.
"I've got a better idea," said Dave
"Let Quebec take over Canada. I
mean they seem to be doing so many
things better than we are. Their
farmers aren't in trouble like we are.'
"Yeh, I wouldn't mind getting a
chunk of that ASRA program," said
Cliff.
"They'd make you speak French
if they took over the whole country,"
said George.
"I'd gladly speak French if I could
be sure to make money this year,"
said Cliff.
"And it's not just their farmers,
either. Take a look at that Quebec
cheese company that's taken over the
The world's
problems are
solved daily
'round the table
at MabeI's
biggest dairy co-op out west. I hear
the government pension fund
invested in them."
"I suppose they won't be making
cheese out west, they'll be making
fromage," said Dave.
"Who cares as long as they're
making money," said Cliff.
"You think the Canadian dollar is
low now, imagine what would
happen if Quebec was running
things," said George.
"Another good point in their
favour," said Dave. "The only way
we've ever made money in farming
lately is when the dollar sinks again.
"Until you want to buy a new
tractor and you have to fork out the
exchange," said George.
"Tractor? Who's talking about
buying a tractor? I was thinking
about horses," said Cliff. "After all
the prices we're getting for crops are
about where they were when grandpa
farmed with horses."
"Look, would you prefer to be
over in England dealing with the
problems they've got over there?"
asked Molly Whiteside as she served
refills. "You get that foot and mouth
disease over here and you'll really
know what trouble is."
"We've got it over here," said
Dave. "I mean they say it doesn't
affect humans but our politicians
have foot in mouth disease every
time you turn around."
"Like that Alliance guy whose
assistant pretended to be him for a
radio interview," said Cliff.
"So what's so different," said
Dave. "Usually the backroom.guys
tell the politicians what to say. This
time he just said it for him. It's much
more efficient."
"Yeh, maybe we can get rid of the
politicians altogether and be even
more efficient," said George.
"That's what we've been doing
here in Ontario," said Dave. "Harris
seems to think politicians are the
greatest plague on earth and we have
to get rid of them all."
"I've never figured this out," said
Cliff. "Big government is wrong, yet
Harris keeps making government
bigger."
"Ah, but big government is only
wrong if you're not running it," said
Dave.O