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The Citizen, 1989-02-08, Page 28PAGE 28. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1989. When the wedding is over say thanks promptly Saying “thank you’’ is as much a part of the wedding as shopping for the wedding dress. Done promptly and with love, it puts a fine “finis” on the event which has been called one of life’s most satisfying experi­ ences. Brides are advised to take as their motto the old-fashioned homi­ ly to “start as you mean to go on.” In other words, get started on the thank-you’s as soon as the gifts begin arriving. Some brides set up a system so they don’t lose track of any gifts or donors. They may elect to use 3x5 cards, a ledger or a wedding planner book, but a simple notebook will also do quite well. Using whatever system you’ve decided upon, start by writing down the name and address of each guest, couple or family and indicate as you learn of it whether they will attend the wedding and what gift Divorced parents should practice tact Although the wedding is the bride and groom’s big day, and everything should be the way they want it, tact and consideration are necessary when dealing with di­ vorced parents. “It can work really well, or there can be a lot of problems,” says Margaret Hough of Regal Bridal Consultants in London. Many couples with divorced parents now prefer sending the invitation themselves rather than worrying about which side of the family should announce the wedd­ ing, or getting bogged down with a long list of names. This can get complicated, especially if both the bride’s and the groom’s parents have remarried. Whatever the situation, both sets of parents and their new spouses should be invit­ ed, says Hough. During the ceremony, the most common seating arrangement has the mother of the bride and her husband, if she is re-married, sitting in the first pew. The mother of the bride usually gets the preferential treatment because she is more directly involved with the planning of the wedding, says Hough. The father of the bride and his wife sit two rows back in the third pew. “You wouldn’t seat them to­ Lucky sixpense English tradition “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue ... and a lucky sixpence for your shoe.” And a lucky sixpence for your shoe? Most American brides know the first few lines of this traditional poem, and a little history will explain the often forgotten last line. Folklore has it that the “some­ thing old” and the “something borrowed” are items given to the bride by a loved one to bring happiness to the new marriage. The “something new,” often the wedding gown, represents the bride’s acceptance of a new life. As for the “something blue”, its origins can be traced to the rhyme, they have sent. When the thank- you note has been written, mark down the date you mail it. That way you’re unlikely to miss writing any notes and you’ll also not have to telephone to find out if the guest has actually received a thank-you note yet. For super-organized individuals, it’s a time saver to address an envelope when you first set up the system. Another way to be well- prepared is to order formal note paper suitable for thank-you’s at the same time you order wedding invitations. It will come as no surprise to learn that it is expected that you will write a personal note of appreciation for every wedding gift you receive. The bridegroom can help, especially for those indivi­ duals known only by him. Etiquette books decree that the note should be personal and mention the speci- gether unless they were both willing. You have to speak to them individually and find out what they’re most comfortable with,” she says. Problems can arise if the parents are not on speaking terms, says Hough. If there is a communication barrier between ex-spouses, other arrangements should be worked out. For example, the bride’s mother could sit in the first pew, with the bride’s father eight or nine rows back. Who joins the receiving line will also depend on how open the lines of communication are. The couple may choose to have only the mother of the bride greeting guests, or both divorced parents, with or without their new spouses. At the reception, where there is usually a family table for parents and clergy, more juggling may be necessary. The couple may want to have the bride’s mother and the mother’s family seated with the clergy, with the bride’s father and his family at another table. The key word is flexibility. “There can’t be any hard and fast rules because each family is differ­ ent,” says Hough. “The important thing is to adapt. Hopefully, for the benefit of the bride and groom, parents can set aside their differ­ ences for that day.” “Those who dress in blue have lovers true.” But what is the significance of the “lucky sixpence” and why has this tradition been forgotten? The carrying of a coin by the bride is a very old tradition thought to ensure future wealth and good fortune for the newlywed couple. When the sixpence was intro­ duced to England in 1551 by Edward VI, it soon became known as a lucky coin. Therefore, it was natural that the sixpence became the coin carried by the brides, from the Victorian era, when the “white wedding” was popularized, to the present time. Cherishing the romance of Vic­ torian times, English brides have kept the tradition of the lucky sixpence alive. fie gift which has been given. Another general rule of etiquette is that gifts that arrive before the wedding should be acknowledged within two weeks of their arrival. Those coming later should be acknowledged within a month after the honeymoon. If chores make it impossible to get to thank-you notes, it is permissible to send printed cards to let your friends know it has been received and that you will follow up with a personal note. A typical form suggested by bridal advisers: Miss Ann Marie Brown acknowledges with pleasure the receipt of your wedding gift and will take pleasure in writing a CENTRE 20-30% OFF WINTER STOCK Prom & Casual Dresses for spring - arriving daily! Invitations Dyeable Satin Shoes Car Decorations WEDDING & BRIDESMAID’S GOWNS, MOTHER’S GOWNS ALL HEADPIECES &HATS 182 Main St. W. Listowel 291-5311 personal note at an early date. Advisers also note that the classic thank-you note should be written in blue or black ink on a good grade of folded notepaper in ivory or white. Your name or monogram may be printed on the notepaper, but don’t use your married name or initial until after the wedding. A thank-you note to a married couple is traditionally addressed to the wife with her husband referred to in the body of the note. Nowadays, however, you may ad­ dress both without breaching the rules of etiquette. Also be sure to mention your own husband or fiance whenever possible. If you have received money it is polite to indicate how you plan to use it. If you haven’t met the gift givers yet, you could indicate that your fiance has told you something about them. If a group gift has been given, perhaps from office­ mates, it is permissible to write one thank-you note addressed to all in the group. Then you can thank the group’s members individually when you see them. If you are given a gift that you plan to return, however, mum’s the word. It’s perfectly all right to return gifts you can’t use as long as it can be done without asking the giver where the item was purchas­ ed.