HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1989-02-08, Page 25THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1989. PAGE 25.
Coping with the career-marriage crunch
Is it possible to build a strong
marriage while building a career,
too? With “juggling,” “stress”
and “burnout” the catchwords for
the ‘80s, many married couples ask
this question today. “The Career-
Marriage Crunch,” an article in a
recent issue of Bride’s magazine,
offers two-career couples this ad
vice for keeping love alive:
•Making time for each other.
Never take your marriage for
granted and assume that it will just
take care of itself. Instead, make it
a habit to guard and structure your
private time carefully.
You might make a loose agree
ment: “Three evenings a week are
for work, weekends are just for
us.” Or, you could set up an actual
appointment calendar, setting
aside time to discuss household
business, to enjoy a social life, to
let romance happen.
A rule to remember: Once you
make these appointments, keep
them. Respect them every bit as
much as you respect your business
appointments.
•Leave job stress behind. Time
spent with your spouse doesn’t
count if your body is there but your
mind isn’t, or if all your conversa
tion revolves around work.
Of course, sharing the details of
your workday with your spouse is
important, and now and then there
will be pressures and deadlines
that simply can’t be put aside. But,
in general, you should make a clear
transition between work and home.
How do you do this? You might
work out tension at a health club
before coming home. Or, you could
set aside “winding down” time
right at the office - a period in
which you return phone calls,
organize your desk, chat with
co-workers.
•Share household chores. The
last thing you want to do is waste
what precious time you have to
gether squabbling over whose turn
it is to do the dishes. To avoid this,
you need the determination to have
a fair, equal marriage, and a plan
for carrying it through.
A “His ‘n’ Hers’’ list of chores
works for some couples. “I do the
shopping, you do the cooking, we
do the laundry together.” Others
find that short-cuts, like hiring
outside help, work wonders for
their marriage.
A spirit of compromise goes a
long way toward easing tensions:
You may have to accept the fact
that your house won’t always be as
neat as you’d like, that on some
nights your “proper dinner” will
be take-out food instead.
•Plan the right leisure activities.
For true relaxation, choose past
times that contrast with the job you
do all week. For example, if you
operate computers at work, you
may really need a weekend that
involves socializing with friends. If,
on the other hand, you’re a lawyer
who talks to clients daily, you
might crave the solitude of a
Saturday night movie.
What happens if your needs
conflict with those of your spouse?
It might be important to agree to
socialize separately sometimes,
saving the time you spend together
for activities you both enjoy.
Long-weekend weddings fashion
Today’s bride rarely marries the
boy next door. As the average age
of the bride increases to 27 years,
so does her opportunity to meet her
fiance through college or career.
It’s more likely that she’s from
Toronto, he’s from Edmonton, and
they have friends and relatives
scattered at all points in between.
What’s the best way to celebrate
the merging of these two lifestyles?
A party that lasts all weekend!
The “long weekend wedding”
encourages out-of-town guests to
make the trip and allows the bride
and groom, as well as the guests,
time to visit with people they rarely
see.
ADDITIONAL EVENTS
According to Bride’s magazine,
the weekened wedding goes be
yond the traditional ceremony and
reception to include a series of
dinners, brunches and barbecues,
as well as sports and sightseeing
events.
“The focal point of these wedd
ings is no longer the ‘wedding
night,” says Barbara Tober,
Editor-in Chief of Bride’s maga
zine. “Instead it is the joining
together of two families, an inten
sive experience that may be team
ed up with an anniversary, a
birthday party or other family
celebration.”
And, as a recent New York Times
article pointed out in a cover story
about this new trend, weekend
weddings can be as diverse and
sock hop
juke box.
include a
team vs.
unique as the couple.
How can you plan a “weekend
wedding?”
•Think up activities you’ll enjoy -
Would a mutual hobby provide a
framework for the weekend? Your
gourmet club could prepare a feast
that caters creative cuisine from
Friday evening to Sunday after
noon.
Are high school friends coming?
Stage a Friday night
complete with rented
Weekend fun might
softball game (bride’s
groom’s team), sailing races, a
kite-flying competition, a pool
party.
•Let others help - Be careful not
to burden yourselves with too many
responsibilities. The bride’s broth
er might organize a ping pong
match, the groom’s father get his
family together for Saturday break
fast. Your bridesmaids might host
a softball game or cocktail party in
your honor.
•Pick a home base - Many hotels
offer substantial room-rate reduc
tions for a group. Each guest will
pay for hotel rooms and travel
expenses, but it’s more fun if
everyone’s staying in the same
place, so you could help by
reserving blocks of rooms.
Ask if the hotel will throw in a
complimentary “hospitality suite,”
where your guests can snack and
mingle between activities. See if
something special - a card and box
Microwaves help busy couples
The busy lifestyle of today’s
two-career couples means they
often have limited time together. A
practical solution is to give them
the gift of extra time - a microwave
oven.
Some of the features to look for
when microwave gift-shopping in
clude:
•Under-cabinet mounting - A
newlywed couple’s first home often
has a small kitchen. The under
cabinet installation feature con
serves valuable counterspace.
•Temperature probe - This lets
food cook until done without pro
gramming cooking times. The
probe measures the internal tem
perature of food and turns the oven
off when it’s done to perfection.
•Turntable - This rotates the
food inside the oven for even
cooking. An on-off button operates
the turntable without opening the
door.
•Built-in browner - Adds a
fresh-baked touch to microwaved
foods. Some ovens achieve brown
ing by alternately baking and
microwaving foods.
•Programmable control centre -
Lets cooks program the oven for
type and quantity of food, and then
does the cooking automatically.
This is a big help when preparing
freezer-to-table convenience foods.
•Cookbook - Step-by-step in
structions on food preparation and
serving, illustrated with photos and
drawings, will be appreciated by
novice microwave cooks.
0
o
albums,
PICTURE PACKAGE
G
BLYTH
of chocolates - could be placed in
each room.
•Spread the word - How to
inform guests of the weekend’s
activities? A printed card, enclosed
with your invitation, might specify
the host, location and time for each
event. Guests can then determine
which activities they’d like to
attend.
FOLLOW-UPS HELP
Very detailed weekend plans?
Try sending a form letter. A
follow-up letter could update plans
for activities (clothes and equip
ment needed), list who’s coming,
mention who needs a ride. The
letter’s title, “Bob and Diane’s
Marriage Marathon - July 21,
1989,” might appear on T-shirts
later.
Planning a weekend wedding
allows you more time to spend with
each guest than you’ll have on your
wedding day. Keeping activities
simple will leave you free to enjoy
the fun.
WEDDING gifts
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