Village Squire, 1979-05, Page 31McGILLICUDDY'S DIARY
Village Squire presents the exclusive
feature: the diary of Ezekial McGillicuddy,
police chief of the village of Hamhocks,
Ontario. Well known for his courageous
battle against the forces of evil, Chief
McGillicuddy has agreed to give exclusive
rights to his diary to Village Squire ... for a
princely sum of course. Each month we
publish a selection of entries from the
previous month.
APRIL : Some guys came to me from that
theatre up in Blyth to see if they could use
my diary for a play there this summer.
First 1 thought they'd been drinking and
was about to give them a breathalyzer test
but then I remember it was April Fool's
day and 1 figured they were just putting me
on. Turns out they weren't though, so I
guess it's them that's the fools not me.
Told Cindy Lou about it and she was
thrilled. She asked me who they were
going to get to play her. She wondered
about Farrah Fawcett Majors. I said I
didn't know if she was going to be in the
play at all or not. After all, people will only
believe so much when it's on stage.
Probably they couldn't find an actress to do
justice to the role anyway. I hear Maggie
Trudeau's not available these days what
with writing books and all.
The mayor heard about it and said it was
all right as long as I didn't want any time
off work to go up and see what they're
doing to me on stage. He also hinted that
the town should get a cut on any money I
got from this thing since after all I'm
usually writing about town business.
APRIL 6: Boy what a big wind blew
through here last night, and I don't mean
the election meeting they had down at the
Legion Hall. Seems April Fool's day has
come a few days late as far as the weather
goes.
This morning you can't see past the front
doorstep. The snow's coming down like
crazy and being whipped around by these
screaming winds that make it hard to stand
up. I heard the wind during the night and I
thought maybe I could get up and come
down to the office and make sure
everything was all right but then 1 thought
that maybe the cockroach would get blown
away in all this wind and so I went back to
bed. It's an ill wind etc. etc.
Anyway I came down this morning and
the darned thing was still there. small as
life. Things weren't so good up on Quality
Row, the Mayor's street though. The big
television antennae at Mrs. Moneybank's
house carne crashing down and fell right
across the Mayor's new Cadillac, dented
the hood and broke the front window. By
the time he found it in the morning, the car
was full of snow and the upholstery was all
wet too. Times are really tough. He'll have
to get by with °riving his Lincoln for a
while.
APRIL, 10: Snow's still around and the town
works people don't know whether to laugh
or cry. On the good side, the snow fills up
the pot holes. On the bad side, they put
away all their snow removal equipment
back there when the weather was so nice in
March. The either have to put it back on or
shovel by hand. If I know these boys
they'll just wait until it melts even if it isn't
until July 1.
APRIL 13: Talk about Friday the 13th luck.
The council had an emergency meeting last
night because Councillor Billy McGinty has
had to quit council because of a
compounded hernia problem. He said the
load he was carrying was just too heavy,
being on council and an elder in the
Presbyterian church and a member of the
cemetery board and all.
Anyway they had a vote to see who
should be named to fill the vacancy and
whose name should come up but my old
friend Sally Hemple. The Mayor wasn't too
happy about Sally being back on council
again. After all the only reason she's off
council is that she ran against the mayor
for the top job and lost by one vote. The
mayor suggested that maybe Sally had
enough work to do what with being
vice-principal up at the public school and
raising her son Mike all by herself since
her husband took off a couple of years
back. He didn't have much luck though and
some of Sally's cronies on council got her
back on easily. The Mayor doesn't even get
a vote unless the vote is tied and it wasn't
even close.
This should be fun. Already there are
rumours going around that Sally's getting
ready to take a crack at the Mayor again in
the next election. Between her law and
order campaign and her cost cutting
campaign she's sure to cause trouble
before she's through. I just hope that she
remembers that 1 voted for her the last
time (only because I thought she was going
to win anyway and wanted to be on the side
of the winner). I hope the Mayor forgets 1
didn't vote for him.
And they call this Good Friday.
APRIL 15: Cindy Lou invited me over for
Easter dinner today. I couldn't think of a
good excuse like a flood or an earthquake
so I had to go.
She had ham for dinner. Actually she has
ham all the time it's just that she likes to
have me around to watch her ham it up.
Actually, after eating Cindy Lou's cooking I
felt like singing "You deserve a break
today". I especially like the part about
getting out and getting away.
After dinner Cindy Lou decided to model
her new Easter bonnet for me. Actually I
don't think she really wanted me to look at
the bonnet at all, or else why wouldn't she
have worn more on the rest of her than a
see through negligee. I watched the bonnet
anyway...very carefully.
1.14) OKTHE GIFT THAT...
KEEPS ON GIVING
JEWELLERY
KIT FORM - MAKE IT
YOURSELF
CUSTOM MADE - AT LOW
COST
STONES ARE NATURAL
MINERALS IMPORTED
FROM ALL OVER THE
WORLD. NO GLASS OR
PLASTIC.
Tiger Eye, Carnelian,
Amethyst Quartz,
Garnet, Moonstone,
Jade, Opal, and Tots
more.
Rings, Pendants, Beads,
Necklaces, Belt Buckles,
Bola Ties, Bracelets,
etc.
VISIT...MINI MINERAL
MUSEUM - NO CHARGE.
oLiirc, CMS
51 ST. DAVID ST., GODERICH, ONT. NIA 1L4
524-9972
FOR ALL YOUR
INDOOR :IND OUTDOOR
GARDENIW; SUPPLIES
AND LANDSCAPING NEEDS
ART'S
LANDSCAPING
Nursery and Garden Centre
Open 7 days a week
Monday thru Saturday
till dark:
Sunday 12 to 6.
Seeding
Sodding
& Shrubs
Everything for your lawn
or garden.
Bennett St.. Goderich
524-9126
May 1979, Village Squire 29