Village Squire, 1978-10, Page 16am 1 letting myself in for?" he wondered as he lowered and
wedged himself into the well -patted barber chair. Harvey draped
a sheet over Jon's bulk, twisted a lever at the side of the chair,
pressed lightly on its frame, and both the chair and its occupant
slid into an almost horizontal shaving position.
"Beautiful beard" said Harvey, fingering the abundance of
fuzz on Jonathan's chin during the preliminaries.
"Glad you like it" Jon replied curtly, not caring whether this
weed of a barber liked his beard or not.
"Oh I do, I do" Harvey enthused, "I think it's a bit of a shame
I have to chop it all off".
He shouldn't have used the word 'chop', nor should he have
made the slashing action of his right hand which coincided with
the word 'chop' because Long Jon took exception to one, the
other, or both. and attempted a wordless eruption from the
elongated barber -chair by the use of his elbows for leverage and
the thrusting of his hips for uplift. While his elbows were usable
to a certain extent, Long Jon discovered that the thrustiness of
his hips for uplift purposes was absolutely nil. He was stuck for
the time being he realised, so he resigned himself to his fate.
relaxed his body. and concentrated all his energies into
controlling his well-trained voice..."I don't want the whole
bloody thing chopped off you steaming idiot" he yelled, calmly
and evenly, "I only want it trimmed and shaved underneath
where it meets the collar -Do you understand?"
Harvey nodded, he was relieved. he didn't have to do the
whole kit and caboodle after all, merely the underneath scruffy
bits that didn't show, it was going to be a cinch. a piece of cake,
and money for old rope as the sayings went...
"I get -it" he said, "You want it taken off here", his hand
dived under the bush and tickled the unwanted stuff. "It
probably catches on your shirt buttons Eh?".
"That's it exactly" said Jonathan, himself relieved that this
barber -weed though he was -seemed to be knowledgeable about
the hidden dangers of own -grown beards. "It is possible" he
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thought. "That I've completely misjudged hint and he's a better
barber than he looks as though he could be".
Harvey tucked a towel under his client's chin then taking a
palmful of lather from a machine on a shelf he spread it on the
appropriate area and rubbed it well in. Long Wide Jonathan
closed his eyes as Harvey slapped on a steaming hot towel over
the lather beneath the bush. shaped it under and around the
moustache ends and laid the ends of the towel to rest covering
the eyes and forehead.
"Hoy: does that feel Sir?" he asked.
"Too bloody hot by halt"' Long Wide answered.
"Which half?" Harvey asked.
Some barbers spend the hot -towel -on -the -face period by
selecting and stropping a razor. some by going to the
‘.ashroom, and some by merely standing around and chatting
N:ith the toy.elled client. Harvey usually chose the washroom but
this time didn't really have to go. so. as his client didn't seem
chatv.orthy and his pre -selected razor didn't need stropping, he
picked it up and passed the time practising a few backhand
slashes. The twin v. ingtips of moustache protruding slightly
above the hot towel looked inviting to Harvey. He playfully
slashed at the space approximately three inches above the
nearest h: in and immediately ', ished he hadn't: Although his
N:rist action was perfect he definite need of the practise.
his.aim ‘..as way too lov.. He actually missed the space he aimed
for by almost four inches and the twin on the right
flying-saucered through the air and landed neatly on the floor at
his feet
Harvey too was floored, he waited for the inevitable outburst
and held his breath for a full two seconds It didn't seem
possible for the man to have felt nothing, yet. "Maybe he did
feel it and thoughtit was a fly or something" he thought "Yes.
I'll bet that's it. he thought it was a fly taking off". Harvey
c6nvinced himself, gave his own thigh a hard resounding slap
and muttered aloud. as if to no-one in particular "Damn flies.
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