Village Squire, 1978-06, Page 49McGILLICUDDY'S DIARY
Village Squire presents the exclusive
feature: the diary of Ezekial McGillicuddy,
police chief of the village of Hamhocks,
Ontario. Well known for his courageous
battle against the forces of evil, Chief
McGillicuddy has agreed to give exclusive
rights to his diary to Village Squire...for a
princely sum of course. Each month we
publish a selection of entries from the
previous month.
MAY 1: Everybody's busy these nights
watching the hockey games on television. I
don't mind them still playing hockey in
May, but I wish they wouldn't bring their
hockey weather with them.
You know they call it our national sport
but sometimes I think they should keep it
off the television screen. The little kids like
to copy what the hockey players are doing
and crack each other over the head and
sometimes the big kids do too. I can't tell
whether the Saturday nighters at the
Lamplight are copying the hockey games or
the other way around but I know how those
linesmen feel having to go in to break up a
fight when I get a call down to the
Lamplight. I always wish I'd arranged t9 be
out of town. At times like that I wish I had
commandeered one of Howard Hillman's
doberman's to join the police force.
MAY 8: Everybody's buzzing about the
election. whether the prime minister will
call one for the summer or not. Well, I
guess it would be one way to ensure a hot
summer for a change, what with all that hot
air circulating coast to coast.
The local candidates are already lining
up. Hal Meachum, the lawyer from over in
Talbot, is all set to run. He's going to
campaign on a program of cutting out all
the government's unnecessary spending
on things like welfare and unemployment.
He got a little embarrassed though when
his opponent, Marty Smith the school
teacher found out that Hal's son, Jeff, had
quit college in Toronto and was living on
welfare there because he's run out of
unemployment insurance.
Anyway, I hope there's not going to be
an election. The rain and wind have finally
just washed away the last poster from the
last election that was nailed on the lampost
outside the police station.
MAY 14: Mother's Day, the day all the
giftstores say thank God for Mothers. It's
particularly good down at the flower shop
where all the guys who feel guilty about not
getting their wives flowers for\the rest of
the year, shell out for big orders.
I don't have the problem. My mother
died 10 years ago and Cindy Lou doesn't
count, even though she'd like to be mother,
wife and mistress all rolled into one.
Actually, Cindy Lou is just the kind of girl
mother would have approved of for me.
She always had rotten taste.
MAY 17: The farmers are out working like
crazy trying to make up for lost time. I can
never get over those guys. Talk about
eternal optomists. Last year the crops they
managed to get off had rotten prices and
the ones with good prices they couldn't get
off because of the wet weather. They all
owe nearly everything they have to the
bank yet here they are working night and
day trying to put in another crop on which
they'll likely lose more money. Still, I'm
glad they're a little ,crazy. ,Better they
should keep working than I should starve.
MAY 22: Victoria Day they call it although
hardly anybody but John Diefenbaker
knows or cares who or what Victoria is
anymore. Ask the average school kid and
they probably think it's a holiday in honour
of a city out in British Columbia.
It isn't even firecracker day any more.
The things are too dangerous. Town
council here banned them years ago, and
I'm glad. It was the one good decision the
council's ever made. I used to go nearly as
crazy on firecracker day as on Hallowe'en.
It was especially tough with those little
crackers that used to go off in strings.
I used to get some wierd calls over those.
Old man Hawkins was sure that the bank
was being robbed. Every year for five years
he called me telling me the bandits were
making off with his lifesavings and I'd
better stop them or he'd never speak to me
again. It was easier to go out and
investigate than it was to try to explain to
him there was really no danger.
The worst time though was when I was
on patrol when some smartaleck threw a
big cannon firecracker at the cruiser. I just
heard the noise and thought I'd blown a
tire. I nearly overturned the cruiser trying
to keep it on the road. It certainly is a lot
more peaceful now that they've banned the
things, but I'll bet the kids are missing a lot
of fun.
MAY 29: Wow what a heat wave. We go
from winter to summer in about two and a
half minutes. After all that cold weather we
had just a week or so ago, suddenly it's like
mid-July.
Some people are saying it's going to be
the hottest summer in years. I told Mayor
Lunipy that council should do something
about this little cubby-hole office before I
roast this summer. I hinted broadly at air
conditioning.
He came back today and appologized
that council couldn't afford air condition-
ing. He bought a fan. Not the electric kind,
the Japanese kind.
MAY 31: The local Lions club had a big
bash last night. It got a little carried away,
I hear and when a few of the boys didn't
show up on time, one of the wives got Rev.
Hackles to go over to find him. I guess he
addressed them on the need for
moderation and they didn't appreciate it
too much. Talk about throwing a Christian
to the Lions...
Gift Ideas
SHOES BY:
DACKS
McHALE
RITCHIE
HUSH PUPPIES
NORTH STAR
LUGGAGE BY:
DIONITE
SAMSONITE
NATIONAL
BILLFOLDS BY:
BUXTON
TILLEY
(Gold Initialled free)
AIKEN'S
482-9352 CLINTON
Richard Scarrry Children's Books
Helen Steiner Rite Cards
Sunday School Supplies
Christian Fiction
Records
Plaques
Bibles
and for those who aren't so close
to Kincardine:
ORDERING SERVICES
AVAILABLE
CHRISTIAN BOOK CENTRE
827 QUEEN STREET
KINCARDINE, ONTARIO
Alex & Sonja Gomes
Bus. [519) 396-4635
Res. [519) 396-3227
VILLAGE SQUIRE/JUNE 1978. PG. 47.