Village Squire, 1977-02, Page 15"That's dye, honey," I said. "Hey, see that lily pad
floating out there." They did it with the precision of trained
acrobats. The little one bent over in front of me - the chubby
one stepped back - one good push. I came up sputtering,
cursing quietly - a delightful shade of blue. Remember I told
myself they're Laura's kids - you've got to like them - keep
your temper. I sent one of the crew to my apartment for
another drip dry suit. The makeup girl rubbed me good with
cold cream and the dye came off - with it part of my delicate
skin. I rejoined the girls who were busy firing questions at
the camera crew.
"You still have a little blue around your left ear, Uncle
Joe, piped the little one helpfully.
"It will have to wear off," I muttered.
We toured the zoo - the amuzement park. My shins were
raw from accidental kicks. Finally it was six -thirty. You'd
think they'd be full after all the cotton candy, hot dogs and
pop they put away but no-
• Let s have sis-getti for supper," chirped the little one.
"Yeah," agreed her sister. I took them to Tony's - the
most expensive Italian restaurant in town. They ate their
"sis-getti" expertly. I was the one who had difficulty twirling
it around my fork - but at that point my nerves were so bad
that my hands were shaking. Vicky shook tomato sauce all
over my new tie. I was beginning to break.
"Look here young lady I've had just about all I'm going to
take.
"Don't raise your voice to my sister," warned the chubby
one. The head waiter eyed me suspiciously. Vicky started to ,
cry huge, wet tears.
"Take me home to my Mommie," she demanded. The
waiter edged nearer.
"Please help us Mister," pleaded Jenny noticing his
interest, "This man forced us to come with him. He's a
kidnapper." That was all it took.
Three huskie Italians grapled me to the floor. I yelled for
Tony, an old friend from college. He stood there, letting me
suffer for a few minutes and them explained that I wasn't a
dangerous kidnapper.
"That was fun wasn't it Jenny?" giggled the little one.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I upended her
over my knee and gave her the spanking she deserved in front
of all those gaping waiters. The big one kicked at me and
screamed. She was next. Dr. Spock doesn't recommend that
treatment. He advocates talking.
"Manual punishment may permanently damage a
forming personality," he warns. Well, I gave them
something to tell their analysts in future years. I stopped only
when my hand started hurting.
I drove them home and saw them safely up the front
steps to their mother's waiting arms before I took off. Well,
there go all my dreams, 1 thought. I could just hear them
telling Laura. "He beat us Mommy. He's a mean man.
Don't ever see him again."
The following morning 1 was sitting at my desk. The
beautiful Laura looked down at me from the wall.
"I couldn't help it Laura." I explained. It was so good for
my soul. The door burst open and in rushed the kids followed
by a radiant Laura.
"The girls have something they want to say," she said.
"We're sorry," said Vicky scrambling into my arms. She
covered my face with damp kisses. She was warm and soft
and smelled nice, like new mown hay drying on a sunny
morning.
"Yes," echoed Jenny holding my hand. "We like you
Uncle Joe, you're so forceful."
The Mericole girl married me the following Saturday
morning. Incidentally the little one was the cutest flower girl
you've ever seen.
HAS ARRIVED!
Make an escape from the cold and snow and
enter a world of springtime
We now have on display
Something brand new:
100% POLYESTER FLOWERS in beautiful
spring colours:
- washable
-colourfast
- non-fading
- crush proof
AND IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL FROM THE REAL
THING!
THE ARI3OR
43 Albert Street
Cl i nton, Ont.
482-3876
.
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VILLAGE SQUIRE/FEBRUARY 1977, 13
111