Village Squire, 1977-01, Page 25I've been brainwashed
BY IRENE MCBRIDE
It was done with all the finesse of a
sledge hammer. I was brainwashed by the
all-powerful advertising agencies.
As a sporadic viewer of television I
tremble as to the state of the dawn to dusk
oglers.
When advertisements veered away from
cartoons and trick photography, and opted
for real live people in real life situations,
they opened up a whole new barrel of
confusion.
The drama and comedy dreamed up by
writers of the situation series were left at
the starting gate for sheer imaginative
intrigue. The commercials galloped past
the winning post a full five furlongs ahead
of the nearest top rated show.
Take. for instance, the chap who uses
baby shampoo and is a swinging bachelor.
He has a lovely-dovey girl friend who 'just
loves' her 'babys' soft, full. hair. But wait,
this same cassanova turns up later.
beaming with paternal pride. His children
are scooping down shovelsful of some
concoction in tomato sauce while his wife
remains oblivious of his other, swinging.
life.
Now. if we are as brainwashed as the
advertising agencies hope, we are to take
the regular programmes with a grain of you
know what; after all. they are just fiction.
The commercials we are to accept as truth;
we must be coaxed into believing their
sincerity if we are to have faith in their
products.
Okay. we have this woman who, in
fiction. was Lucy's friend and neighbour.
Now we know the truth - she peddles Coffee
from a wagon for a living. Sad! She tries to
hide her identity behind a new name. but
we know, don't we, who she really is? - Or
do we?
Thousands have sailed through the
cosmos with him in command; stern of face
and stout of heart. But. that's fiction. The
truth is revealed; he's a salesman for a
supermarket chain who plays charades in
his spare time. I doubt they ever got scurvy
aboard that spaceship; he must have gone
on board loaded with the freshest of
produce!
By carefully screening commercials I
found out for you what happened to the
Brady Bunch. Their housekeeper was, in
advertising fact, a peddler of suppers made
simpler with rice. Now we know that they
must have been so stuffed with her rice
dinners, they all swelled up and exploded;
and so the programme had to be cancelled.
When the butter comes from the
refrigerator, with the taste of spanish
onion. my guilt complex immediately
comes up with a mental picture of the
baking soda I forgot to change.
The sight of the family dog, with a
disappearing waist line, gives me the
horrors when 1 remember I didn't buy the
can containing not a speck of cereal.
With no grandma to tell me that Susie
threw something in the dryer, I'm
mortified to find it was the cat!
With the big advertising agencies
behind them I am powerless to ignore the
assault on my mind by the multi-million
dollar companies.
When a friend asks, "How are you this
morning?" I find myself swallowing the
words, "M Okay," before they spill out.
After all, I never even saw a bottle of the
stuff.
After years of using various shampoos,
and never looking any neater than my old
dust mop, I discovered PH Balance.
I was amazed to think that, for all those
wasted years, I had been going around
unbalanced. When I mentioned this to my
family they unanimously proclaimed that
they had known I was unbalanced for
longer than they cared to admit!
It is a worry not to be able to test the
strength of my brand of paper towels; I
don't have a kitchen counter fifty feet long!
With the miniscule size of my counter even
a face tissue holds up fine!
Perhaps if I nip in and out of houses. all
the way down the street, I can do their
cleanups on the run and see how far I can
get with one paper towel. It might prove
pretty embarrassing though if the paper
towel is the wrong brand.
While commercials are on the screen
most people run to grab a bite to eat - or
whatever. Not so with me, I leisurely
prepare myself a feast while the
programmes are unfolding and then skid to
the front of the sest to watch the drama of
the sponsor's characters.
One test, I decided, would be easy.
Following instructions I proceeded to tip a
whopping dose of bleach into my washing
machine; first making sure that my
husband was within range. 1 had been
brainwashed to believe that he would
watch in amazement and admiration. He
would then help me to fold the sparkling
results and, nose to nose, offer to carry my
laundry upstairs for me.
D'you know what happened? He glanced
my way as I pulled the shredded sheets
from the washer and announced,
"Don't throw those rags away, I can use
them when I'm painting!" Perhaps in
my zeal I overdid the dose!
Where do we draw the line between fact
and fiction? Perhaps we haven't really had
an early winter; it might have been
something dreamed up by the snowmobile
manufacturers! Let us fervently hope that
the bikini people come up with an early
spring!
.1
IHOME FURNISHINGS
FLOOR COCAVERRPEITINGNGS
JAN WIRY
Dear Customer:
We at Ball and Mutch Ltd. would like to take a moment out of
your hectic schedule during this holiday season to draw your
attention to our up -coming "EARLY BIRD SALE".
We offer a huge selection of high quality merchandise at all
times, and it is selections from this stock that is now being
offered at sale prices. So come on in and look us over - you'll be
glad you did.
Sale begins December 28th and lasts until the merchandise
that we have selected to reduce has been sold so be an early bird
and come in while the selection is at its best.
Finally we would like to pause at this time and express our
sincere appreciation for your ever increasing acceptance and
confidence in our merchandise. To our many friends, old and
new, our best wishes for a prosperous and happy New Year.
Yours sincerely,
The Staff and Management.
BALL and MUTCH
LIMITED
PHONE 482-9505
CLINTON
Village Squire/January 1977, 7'