Village Squire, 1976-05, Page 34`Smalltown people don't know anything
small towns', he said.
BY KEITH ROULSTON
The cub reporter jiggled nervously as he
stood before Hank Inkspots the cranky, work
toughened city editor of the Daily Rumour..
"What," Hank spat, "is the meaning of
this garbage, Mister Goosepimple?"
"H -H -How do you mean sir?", Timothy
(,00sepiniple asked timidly to the great man
before him.
"This story you did on that little town of
Flyspeck/' Inkspots roared.
"My mother liked it," Timothy offered
shyly.
"Your mother," bellowed Inkspots,
"doesn't know her....your mother doesn't
know a --- thing about journalism. This is
garbage."
"Yes, sir," Timothy said. He'd only
recently graduated from one of those new
journalism schools and it was the first time
he'd met an old hard-line, learn -by -the -seat -
of -your -pants newspaper man. "May I ask,"
he said humbly, "what is wrong with the
story on Flyspeck?"
"Everything!"
"Everything?...Isn't that rather broad sir?
Could you be a bit more specific."
"J ust what I said. Everything is wrong with
the story. To start with, you obviously don't
know a thing about small towns."
"But sir, I grew up in a small town."
"That doesn't mean a --- thing kid.
Everybody knows that people.in small towns
don't know what small towns are like."
"Uh, could you explain that sir?"
"Well they don't know what the outside
world's like. They're isolated, insulated and
ignorant."
"Uh, sir, they do have televisions and
radios and newspapers up in Flyspeck you
know, have had for years."
"Sure but all they do is watch soap operas
and read them comics."
"Have you ever lived in a small town sir?"
"Are you kidding," snapped Inkspots, "I'd
never be caught dead in a town like Flyspeck.
What a burg! All they do is sit around and
listen to the grass grow."
"They seemed to be doing a lot more than
that when I was there sir."
"Sure, kid, but not everybody's idea of fun
is the Friday night euchre game."
"But they had dances, and ice carnivals
and variety concerts and bingos and theatre
and movies" and square dances and..."
"Typically small town," Inkspots inter-
rupted. "Look I'm not going to argue with
you about this small -town bit. We all know
they're a drag. What I'm upset about is that
we sent you up there, expenses paid mind
jou, to sniff out that scandal and insteadd
you
32, VILLAGE SQUIRE/MAY 1976
come back with a love poem about how great
a small town is."
"But sir, there was no scandal."
"Don't give me that. All small towns are
full of scandals; they're all little Peyton
Places full of lust and vengeance and
corruption."
"There may have been some lust and
vengeance but I didn't see any corruption
sir," Goosepimple replied.
"Ah come on, Goosepimple. Don't be
simple. I guess I should have sent.up a good
reporter like Jim Snidely. He'd turn over the
rocks and watch the creeps crawl out."
"But sir there were no creeps to crawl. The
mayor built a new house after he won the
Wintario lottery. He didn't have his finger in
the till at all like they suggested over at The
Chronicle."
"Come on now, Goosepimple, The
Chronicle is always right about these things,
except when we get the story first If they said
about
the guy was a thief then he was a thief. What
do you think this guy was in politics for? He
sure doesn't earn much as mayor of that
stupid town."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you sir."
"Probably not but try me."
"He wanted to serve his community, to
make it a better place."
"That's what they all say, right up to the
time they get on the plane for Mexico."
"But he didn't tell me that. It was his
neighbours and the business men on main
street and even the town drunk told me that.
He's a real four-square gentleman."
"Listen kid, you blew it so don't try to give
me a snow job like those hicks gave you. The
guy's a crook, the town's a dump and you
missed the whole point of the story with this
love song of yours. You're fired. I'll have to
send Snidely up to do the story. He'll come
back with the kind of story I want, the kind of
thing our readers in the city will believe, not
this swill of yours."
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