The Rural Voice, 1986-08, Page 8Would you like
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519.345.2430
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519-225-2234
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519.638.2708
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519.523.4359
MITCHELL Torrance Mechanical Ltd.
519.348-9011
ST. PAULS
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519.393-6551
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519-655.2521
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519.345.2734 \I
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1457 Wellington Rd. S.
London, Ontario N6E 2Z8
519-681-2266
6 THE RURAL VOICE
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT
FROM A YAHOO
Well it's here again. That time
of year when tourists descend in-
to the pastoral tranquility of the
countryside and drool over its
quaintness. The drooling sure
turns to snarling if they happen
to come across a piece of coun-
tryside on the road, especially if
they end up behind it.
I recently did my bit in
welcoming tourists to our lovely
county. Super Wrench instructed
me to transport a load of hay
from the highway field to the
home barn. It required one and a
quarter miles of pavement driv-
ing. He only had three words for
me, "Don't Spill It."
Now most of the locals and
tourists that were hung up behind
me were kind enough to allow me
to signal when traffic was safe,
and they passed. Most of them
gave me a cheery wave. I waved
back. But, there's always one that
sticks out like a slip under a mini-
skirt.
This tourist was pulling the se-
cond mortgage on our farm on
wheels — a camper, the size of a
tennis court, followed by a trailer
on which was lashed a motor
boat. On top of the camper was
nestled a four wheeler, and on
front of the camper, two bicycles
were wired up. This crew planned
to do a lot of things on their
vacation, and one of them wasn't
walking.
I was pulling a load of hay that
had been built by a wife who
can't space rows in the garden
McDermid
Farms Ltd.
Purebred & Crossbred
Landrace, Duroc,
Yorkshire & Chester White
Boars & Gilts
Ontario Swine Herd Health Program
Class. Excellent * * *
Gov't ROP Tested
R.R. 4, Stayner
705-428-2353
We sell herd builders
evenly and three kids who would
sooner have been at the beach.
Packed tightly it was not. It was
difficult enough keeping the
whole thing from tottering into
the ditch being half on the road
and half on the shoulder without
incessant horn honking from
behind.
The tourist of the year decided
to do some yelling to supplement
the horn leaning. "You yahoo,
get that dead grass out of the
road or I'll throw my cigarette in
and burn it." I pointed to the
sign just a short piece down the
road and tried to convey in sign
language that I would be turning
off soon. His response was, "I
ought to call the cops and have
you charged; I've only got three
weeks vacation and don't intend
to spend it behind a load of dead
grass." I turned, and he waved
his fist at me.
The hay was parked on the
barn gangway, and I went to
town in the pickup to get a new
plug for the bale elevator.
Guess what was taking up the
major allotment of parking space
in our little town when I got
there? You got it, the walking
book of driving etiquette. Three
of them came out of the
restaurant, all avidly licking their
huge ice cream cones.
I gave my conscience a push
and let the devil take over. I ac-
celerated and weaved towards the
ice cream licking tourists. Two
dropped their cones, and the
third one wore his down the front
of his shirt. They made a mad
scramble for the safety of the
sidewalk, and 1 waved my fist as
I zoomed past.
That wasn't exactly a cordial
welcome to our community, but
let's face it, what can you expect
from a yahoo?
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce Coun-
ty, began her series of
humorous columns with The
Rural Voice and has written
several books since.