The Rural Voice, 1986-06, Page 82GOOD BARGAINS
AT THE DUMP
Super Wrench is the kind of guy
who, when you send him to the
dump with the garbage, comes
back home with more than he
took. We have two sheds bursting
with things that he "might need
someday." All of them are old and
decrepit, and none of them work.
You can imagine my reluctance
in sending this pack rat to a local
auction that had the kitchen chairs
we needed. The last time Super
Wrench went to an auction, he
brought home a celery mud rake,
the first snowmobile ever made —
minus the innards — and a box of
preserving jars with the glass Lids
cracked.
This particular sale was the kind
Super Wrench just drools over. An
estate sale. Everything that belong-
ed to the four generations that had
lived there had to go. When I saw
the items up for sale I wondered
how all of it had fit into the
buildings in the first place. Pa-
tience is also something I am pretty
short of, and I was going to need
heaps of it if I wanted to get those
chairs. You guessed it, they were in
the last lot of goods to be auction-
ed.
I haven't much experience at
these sales, and it showed. I
figured that if I kept a tight hold of
my purse with one hand, and of
Super Wrench's arm with the
other, we might just go home with
what we needed and no classics. I
was wrong. Super Wrench had the
other arm free, which he could
wave his bidder's number with.
Before I could even get into the
spirit of things I found we were the
owners of a wagon axle with both
wheels going in different direc-
tions, and two turnip pulpers made
when ladies wore pantaloons.
My cutting words were inter-
rupted by an excited bidder who
Tell them you saw
their advertisement
in The Rural Voice.
had just paid $1O for a box of stuff
he had been eyeing up. He came
over to share the contents with
Super Wrench. When I saw the
lamp with no base, the tattered
doily, and the plastic reindeer, 1
figured him for one of those types
with lots of attic and nothing in it
but insulation. He dug around the
box until he found what he was
looking for. A pair of nickel spurs.
He was elated and I was
speechless. The guy wasn't even
wearing cowboy boots. Before he
took off with the box, he had sold
the plastic reindeer to a little kid
for a nickel and the lamp with no
base to someone else for a dollar.
We stood around, just visiting
and waiting for those darn chairs,
my eagle eye on Super Wrench's
hands. By the time the chairs came
up I was at the point where I didn't
care whether we sat on barrels at
the table. I was ready to hit the
trail. Super Wrench bid for the
chairs and we got them for a
reasonable price. He went to pay
for them and I took the chairs to
the truck.
I knew I shouldn't have left him
alone, because he trundled back
with two big boxes under his arms.
One contained an assortment of
cooking pots. They didn't look too
bad until you turned them over.
Bolts had been welded to the bot-
tom of them to cover up the holes.
The other box contained an assort-
ment of old milk jars. Just what
I've always wanted.
I just have two thoughts on auc-
tion sales. One, you wait around a
lot to buy something you don't
really need in the first place. Two,
Super Wrench is banned from ever
going back. If he really insists on
going, you can bet your turnip
pulper I'll be there restraining him,
and I'll have the bidding number in
my hands. ❑
Gisele Ireland, from Bruce Coun-
ty, began her series of
humorous columns with The
Rural Voice and has written
several books since.
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JUNE 1986 81