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The Rural Voice, 1983-10, Page 52KEITH ROULSTON How everybody else make a million by Keith Roulston Researchers at ivory Tower University have just announced a startling breakthrough in breeding a new strain of dairy cow. The research team, working with new genetic engineering (under a grant from Megabucks Agri -Products International Inc.) have developed a new cow that will produce 25 per cent more milk than the common Hols- tein, used most widely on North American farms. Furthermore, the new cow is also smaller so that it will require less barn space. The animal will mean more profit for efficient farmers and lower milk costs for con- sumers, a government official enthus- ed. Professor Herman Bafflegarb, head of the research team said that the new animal is even more astoun- ding in that it will only give birth to female calves, thereby ending forever the problem of dairy farmers wonder- ing how to get rid of their male calves. Questioned by reporters as the potential problems this might cause in reproducing the new strain, the pro- fessor said such worries are exag- gerated. The new cow, he said, will not reproduce naturally anyway. For one thing, trials have shown that the new animal has no interest in animals of the opposite sex. For another, only a specially produced artificial semen, will be able to impregnate the new breed. Asked about the potential shortage of such semen, the professor said he understood Megabucks Agri - Products International Inc. had taken an exclusive patent on the product and would set up a manufacturing plant in Indiana soon to produce the necessary amounts to meet the ex- pected high demand from North American farmers. After the news conference, the research team proudly introduced their new star attraction which pro- mises to revolutionize not only the economics of farming but also the ap- pearance. The research team was questioned by the reporters as to the unusual appearance of the beast: it PG. 50 THE RURAL VOICE, OCTOBER 1983 has legs about as long as a normal cattle beast but a neck like a pig. Pro- fessor Bafflegarb said with a touch of embarrassment that the researchers had worked hard but been unable to get this trait out of their animal. Asked if this would prove a pro- blem to the animal in eating grass, the professor answered that the new animal would not eat grass. "What's so great about grass," he said. "Grass, especially in the spring, can give a different colour and flavour to milk and cream. We are concerned with quality control. On top of that, our animal in tests will not eat grass if offered a commercial feed. Besides, grass doesn't create jobs. This new animal will create thousands of jobs producing the feed required to replace the normal diet of grass, hay and corn silage." A spokesman for Megabucks Agri - Products International Inc. said that the corporation will start production immediately of a new dairy ration specifically formulated for the new animal. It will, of course, have to be slightly more expensive than regular dairy rations since it is made from petroleum by-products. One worried farmer wondered if the cattle beast on view would be able to eat from normal mangers in his barn. The professor admitted that the new animal would require installation of new equipment in most North American dairy barns. "In the long run, however, the return on invest- ment will be worth the extra invest- ment," he said. Makemore Farm Structures of Cleveland, Ohio (a division of Megabucks Agri -Products Interna- tional Inc.) will start construction im- mediately at its Chicago and Toronto plants of the new stabling expecting to make a profit of $100 million in the first year.0 Keith Roulston has been writing this column since 1977 and is the originator and former publisher of The Rural Voice. He has written several successful plans and is con- nected with the Blyth Summer Festival. He lives with his family near Bluth. See your area dealer Avondee Farm Supply R. R. 1, Stratford 273-4072 Cook's Div. of Gerbro Inc. Hensall 262-2410 Kirkton 229-8986 Centralia 228-6661 Milton Dietz Ltd. Seaforth 527-0608 Dublin Feed Mill Dublin 345-2330 Durst Farm Centre Clinton 482-7706 Fischer Feeder Service R. R. 3, Mitchell 348-8725 Listowel Farm Supply Listowel 291-2501 Molesworth Farm Supply Molesworth 291-3740 Morgan Brothers R. R. 1, Hensall 235-1487 Perth County Farm Supplies Milverton 595-8905 Millbank 595-8911 Brunner 595-8251 Ryan Drying Ltd., Walton Brussels 887-9261 Seaforth 527-0527 Topnotch Feeds Seaforth 527-1910 Wroxeter 335-3555 Twin County Feeds Owen Sound 376-4213 Tara 934-3122