The Rural Voice, 1983-05, Page 47OVER THE BACK FENCE
My Amazing
Razor
by Tom Maplewood
Some folks have suggested to me that I
am a chronic complainer, that I find fault
with everything and that I hate women.
Well, this is a bunch of nonsense and to
prove it I offer this letter I wrote recently:
"To the president et al of the Laser
Razor Company, Snowflake, Ontario.
Dear Folks,
I have taken pen in hand to compliment
you on an exceptional instrument. As my
friends know, I dislike electric things
because I figure if the good Lord meant
us to have all that power he'd of gifted us
with a set of flashlight batteries along
with the pairs of everything else we got.
It was only by receiving one as a
Christmas present last year that I came
into possession of one of your fine razors
in the first place.
Now, it ain't like I never used one
before; I've been caught visiting over-
night without my safety set just like every
other fellow. On some of these occasions
I have been forced to share the motorized
whisker removers of my host. I was
mildly impressed, but the electric thing
always bothered me so I never bought
one.
Now that I have one of my own I soon
overcame the electric jitters enough to
give 'er a try. It buzzed so loud in the
bathroom at 6 a.m. that it made me a
little nervous and I decided to test it
against the hair on the back of my hand
first.
I let it buzz away for maybe thirty
seconds before pulling it off to inspect
the damage. I was taken aback. Narry a
hair was removed. I looked close at my
wrist. Perhaps the hair was too wiry. I
applied the razor again and bore down
harder. The little end teeth pinched then
burned my skin and I let go with a yelp.
When I retrieved the machine from the
floor I observed a part had fallen off. I
picked it up and tried to fit it back on. It
was a clear plastic piece and seemed to
click best into place over the razor's
teeth. How the hell can it cut hair through
that, I pondered and then it dawned on
me I should have removed it at the start. I
glanced over my shoulder to see if any of
my three kids had seen what I did. They
are keener on such things and would
have loved to have embarrassed me if
they could. None was there,
I plugged her back in and commenced
to zip some of the hair from my face and
enjoyed the way it tickled. It finished up
in five minutes. This is one mighty handy
little tool.
It so impressed me that my mind ran
wild with ways to use it on the farm. Here
are a few: folks with their own peach
trees would likely find this machine near
perfect for picking off the fuzz: if you get
one of those AC current hook-ups for the
tractor this razor would make a great
bottom warmer left running in a back
pocket on colder days, if you pull the
head off the machine so that just the
little nubby thing is sticking out you will
find this works great for removing food
particles from between your front teeth
when turned on. I could go on with ideas
like this for days but I'm sure you must
have research people who do it better so I
will leave the rest for them to discover.
I hear you've got a new machine
coming out soon. Something along the
line of electric tweezers. I can't wait to
get a pair and give 'em a try. "Keep
smilin".0
Tom Maplewood, originally from the
Ottawa Valley is a Stratford resident and
freelances as a writer of humour. The
name, Tom Maplewood is a pseudonym.
Custom Cattle
Hoof Trimming
REASONABLE RATES
Call
Tony Simons
R.R. 2, Tavistock
519-271-2771
CUSTOM SHEEP.
SHEARING
J.L. Fa►rell
Licensed Operator for
Canadian Co-operative Wool Growers
Distributor of Strings & Sacks
• Wool Collector
R.R. No. 3
Ripley, Ontario NOG 2R0
Phone 519-395-5757
Quality Swine Co-op
Monthly Breeding Stock
Auction Sale
May 5
7:30 p.m.
Excellent selection of QS. Tested
and Approved Purebred and Cross-
bred Boars and Cross -bred Gilts.
For more information on brochures
on the Quality Swine Breeding Pro-
gram and/or Tele Auction for Feed-
ermen, contact the area Supervisor
nearest you:
Norm Wilson
Fordwich
335-3127
or
Chris Hills
Seaforth
527-1913
Quality Swine Co-op
P.O. Box 53,
Shedden, Ontario. NOL 2E0
519-764-2300
THE RURAL VOICE, MAY 1983 PG. 45