The Rural Voice, 1983-01, Page 42RE-ROO F
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FARM & INDUSTRIAL BUILDERS
364-1880
R.R. #1 HANOVER
PG. 42 THE RURAL VOICE, JANUARY 1983
OVER THE BACK FENCE
WHO WROTE
THAT LETTER?
by Tom Maplewood
Have you looked lately at who is signing the letters you get? I
was quite excited recently to have the following arrive in the
morning mail:
"Dear Tom,
This is a letter of appreciation con-
cerning the article you wrote in the
newspaper concerning the origin of the
stern look. It was a real gem and many of
the thoughts you expressed echoed my
own.
However, in the matter of stating "the
majority of stern looks, based on a
survey, stem from cases of unrequited
love", I beg to differ. In my experience
most stern looks are found on people
who don't like to get up in the morning,
mainly those commonly referred to as
-night people". There can only be one out of every ten or so who
are anything paralleling "chipper" in the morning. The rest are
sour as Montmorency cherries. You should check out your facts
next time before writing such rubbish. Mind you, I do
acknowledge that you didn't let the "facts" get in the road of a
good story. Perhaps there is something in that. Moreover, it is
good to see articles of this nature as it makes the balance of the
publication "easy reading" by comparison.
You may renew my subscription if you don't charge too much.
Yours truly,
F.T. Thornpeck per s.f."
Now, this type of letter should not be taken in on an empty
stomach because only a full constitution can properly confront
the emotional heave-ho that comes with it. The first paragraph
warmed me and made my day. I smiled a bit and squared my
shoulders and thought maybe there was hope for humour as a
profession after all. The second cut like a knife. I reddened at the
cheeks and grew hot. What right had this know-it-all to tell me I
didn't know the facts? I glanced angrily at the letterhead
searching for a phone number intending to call up the writer and
give him a dose of Maplewood medicine while I was at the boil.
Just then my eye caught the curious closing at the end. The
initials "F.T." didn't suggest a sex which might have offered
some measure of the thrust intended. Worst than that,
'Thornpeck" hadn't signed the letter. Someone with the initials
"s.f." had. This only added to the mystery. Since "Thornpeck"
hadn't signed it, had that person even seen the letter? Or, had
they anything to do with it whatsoever? And who was "s.f."?
Was he (or she) the author? I looked for a return address but
found none.
I burned for awhile on the matter then decided I might just as
well filch a few bucks from the deal by renewing the
subscription as requested. A search of the files produced no
"Thornpeck".
It dawns on me that I am perhaps the victim of a hoax. There is
only one civil thing left to do. I will pay a visit to the tavern of the
Queens Hotel on my way home and there, in an atmosphere
more suited to the purpose, ponder the matter further. Keep
smilin'.
Tom Maplewood, originally from the Ottawa Valley is a
Stratford resident and freelances as a writer of humour. The
name, Tom Maplewood is a pseudonym.