The Village Squire, 1981-09, Page 14Six Achers
by Yvonne Reynolds
You're driving me crazy
Today's young people don't realize
how lucky they are - the public schools
teach them everything from algebra to
zoology. This scholastic smorgasbord
includes one absolutely essential course.
Driver ed.
Unfortunately, I was born a few years
too soon, and earned my driver's licence
the hard way.
Nothing is harder on a car (or a
marriage) than having a husband teach
his wife to drive. I have discovered
through bitter experience that husbands
will say things to their wives they would
not utter to any other living creature.
Starting a car was easy. Only once did 1
try witn the trunk key in the ignition.
Learning to shift gears smoothly was
more difficult. Knowing Don was sitting
beside me, waiting for me to do
something terrible to his beloved auto-
mobileonly made me live up to his worst
expectations. The gearshift lessons us-
ually ended with me in tears behind the
slammed bedroom door, and Don staring
in stoney silence at a self -cooked meal of
burned bacon and scorched eggs.
After I could finally synchronize my
right hand on the shift and my left foot on
the clutch, the next step was stopping
and starting on hills. During my third try,
there was a tremendous POWWW. When
Don had regained the use of his vocal
cords he informed me (among other
things) that I had just blown the head
gasket. Thus ended the eighth lesson.
Backing up was a whole new ball game.
At first I would sit behind the wheel and
say to myself "I want the rear to go to the
left, so I must turn the steering wheel to
the left." 1 got mixed up one day and
removed six pickets from the fence at the
side of our driveway.
By the time winter arrived, I determin-
ed to hang up my beginner's permit until
spring. I broke my vow one morning; the
car was stuck in the snow in the lane. and
Don asked me to operate the vehicle and
he would push. We soon developed a
rhythm: I pressed the accelerator while
he pushed, we each paused for a
moment, then roar -push, rest, in unison.
Our efforts were futile. The car refused
to budge. Finally Don sagged against the
driverside door, exhausted. He happened
to glance into the car, and to his
astonishment discovered the car had
been in neutral the whole time. Luckily,
he was too worn out to say anything.
Before trying my driver's test, we
moved to Newfoundland. Don decided he
would rather pay in cash for my driving
lessons than sacrifice his physical and
mental health any longer.
My instructor, an off-duty member of
the St. John's Constabulary, promptly
took me into downtown St. John's. From
Water Street, the main thoroughfare
paralleling the harbour, all perpendicular
streets run sharply up hill. Preston Street
is the steepest; naturally it had a sadistic
policeman stationed half -way up who
delighted in stopping vertical traffic to
allow the horizontal to breeze through.
My sergeant was determined he would
teach me how to stop and start on hills,
and what better place than Preston
Street!
PG. 12 VILLAGE SQUIRE/SEPTEMBER 1981
"O.K. m'love, let's go", he encourag-
ed.
With me manipulating the hand brake
and clutch while he worked the foot brake
and accelerator, we chugged up to the
policeman, came to a shaky halt, tried
desperately to continue, gave up, and
backed ignominiously down the hill to
Water Street.
I prefer not to discuss parallel parking.
I have been known to tie up traffic both
ways on a busy street for ten minutes
while trying to manoeuver a Volkswagen
into a space big enough for a school bus. I
like three -space parking - drive into the
first space, straighten up in the second,
and come to rest in the third. There's only
one drawback; spots like that are hard to
find.
We are constantly admonished not to
drink and drive. Don states that trying to
teach a wife to drive is enough to drive a
man to drink. That's a sobering thought.
Fall
make-up colours
Update
your make-up for fall
Learn how to apply the new colours
for fall.
Facials, Manicures, Pedicures
Electrolysis, Waxing
'peaches 'n gall
CAROL GOWING
SKIN CARE STUDIO
32 Newgate St., Goderich
524-4403
Open Tuesday thru Saturday