The Village Squire, 1981-07, Page 33One Dav at a Time
All the drive-in
violence isn't
on the screen
A night at the drive-in movie theatre
is a pleasant experience for most people,
I suspect.
And yet, as many times as I have sat
through shows at the local passion pit, I
can't recall ever spending a totally
anxiety -free evening there.
For me, a visit to a drive-in is about as
much fun as a trip to the dentist. And last
Friday's night out was by far the worst
yet.
It all started when I showed up at the
theatre alone. I take it that's a bit of an
uncommon occurrence at drive-ins and I
soon began to feel the icy stares of
disapproving ticket -takers, parking
attendants and other patrons as 1 drove
my little car through the gate.
"Hey, look at that weirdo!" a pretty
young girl yelled out her boyfriend's car
window as 1 drove by and immediately
500 scolding eyes turned my way.
"What kind of pervert would go to a
drive-in alone," the cute little girl
continued, with a saucy sneer.
"Hey, shut your damn lights off,
creep!" a young lad in a flashy Buick
commanded, and in horror I realized I
had broken the one cardinal rule of the
drive-in by forgetting to shut off my
headlights as I entered the tin and rubber
battlefield.
My lights out, I continued on and so did
the disgusted glares and comments from
dozens of little angels who had nothing
else on their minds that night but to
watch Robert Redford prance around a
movie screen on a fancy horse.
I wanted so badly to ask the projection-
ist if I could use his microphone to make a
brief announcement. If he had let me, 1
would have said, "Attention movie-
goers! This is the weirdo who just drove
in in the little blue car, alone. I'm not
really alone. I repeat. I am not alone. I am
meeting friends here in a few minutes.
Circumstances made it impossible for us
to arrive in the same vehicle. Please
forgive me for causing you undue concern
over the state of my moral well-being."
My friends arrived, but parked quite a
distance from where my little bomb was
by Jim Hagarty
stationed. Since their car was the larger
of the two, I locked mine up -with no
speaker hooked in the window -and walk-
ed away from it, bringing on another tide
of tsk-tsks. It also created a dilemma for
me which lasted the remainder of the
night. I had just bought a new guitar that
evening and there it sat, almost in full
view, in the back of my little hatchback.
For the next four hours, I sat worrying
that some unkind soul would break into
my untended vehicle and make off with
my new pride and joy. Only the next day
did 1 realize I should have put the blasted
thing in the trunk of my friend's car.
Before long, things settled down and
the couple in the car beside us decided
this was as good a time and place as any
to make love. Purely by accident, 1
happened to look over at the car at the
very instant they were corning up for
air -and they saw me watching.
"How'd you like your damn face
rearranged?", Romeo enquired of me in
a loud and threatening tone of voice as
Juliet waved at me with the index finger
of her right hand.
Before I could give them my decision
on their offer, the lovers sank from view
again. So I sneaked away from our car
and went to the refreshment booth.
1 picked up some onion rings and
headed for the cashier, but soon discov-
ered I was standing on the wrong side of
an iron railing designed to funnel
shoppers towards the cash register. So.
while I tried to give the girl my money.
she ignored me and I had to wait while a
long line of people. all of whom had
entered the building after me, filed past.
I finally paid, turned to leave. and
promptly dropped all the onion rings on
the dirty floor. I heard chuckles from
bystanders as J stooped to pick up my
soiled snack and dump it in the garbage.
To save face, a very red one by now, I
immediately turned and bought another
box of rings.
Several other gruesome things hap-
pened that night, none of which 1 have
the stomach to tell you about.
So I won't. - C>
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VILLAGE SQUIRE/JULY 1981 PG. 31