The Rural Voice, 1977-11, Page 29We went our separate ways after dinner. He kept working
without any luck. I kept filling the waste basket with wasted
ideas. The kids. thankfully, had gone for a hike back through my
rockpiles, except for the youngest one who was playing in a
playpen out back.
About 2:30 my wife came begging. "Tony, you've got to do
something. He's been working for hours and he's only managed
to find out that it was plugged in."
So, 1 shut off the typewriter and went out to the kitchen to see
what was the matter. It took me 15 minutes to sort through the
various parts he had removed from the stove. Then I found the
loose wire that had caused the whole problem. It took another
hour to put the stove back together.
1 went back to work.
"Now to see what's wrong with that refrigerator" said Max.
"Oh no, you're a guest. I can't have you working," pleaded
Marion. But neither she or Max's wife could win.
"Got to do something to earn my keep" Max joked.
It was 5:30 this time when Marion crept into the study on
bended knee to ask me to come out and get things back to normal
so she could start supper. This time it took me only 10 minutes to
find out what was wrong. I was getting practice by now at sorting
out disasters. It was a faulty relay switch and Max went into town
to get a new one while I put the rest of it back together. By the
time Marion had the supper ready I had repaired the damage
and the refrigerator purred like a sewing machine instead of an
air hammer.
Max's wife went to call the children for supper. She was
outside for over five minutes and we could hear her calling and
calling. The supper was getting cold. Finally she came back
nearly in tears.
Max. I can't find the children anyplace."
Now 1 knew why it had been so quiet all afternoon. I was
worried. There were plenty of places dangerous for young
children in that countryside.
Supper was forgotten. I called the neighbours. They all agreed
to help. One even brought his hunting hounds. The grand search
party struck out across the fields. We searched everywhere, the
old gravel pit. the deep spring pond. the cliff, the bush, but they
were nowhere to be found.
was as scared as a porcupine without quills as we headed
back to the house to phone the police.
"Oh my wonderful children" Max's wife moaned. The
youngest child, the one who had been left behind in the playpen
when the rest had made their escape was bawling. Marion was
Ion the verge of hysteria and babbling about men who were too
busy with their stupid jobs to care about children. Max...well
since both Marion and his wife had turned on us as the root of the
whole problem we were in the same boat for a change and I
actually felt kind of sorry for the poor guy as his wife tore into
him.
Both wives kept up their torrent all the way back to the house
and Max and 1, the fearless bosses of our families, took it like the
sheep we were. The wives went in the door first, screaming at us
all the way. At the kitchen door both suddenly became quiet.
Max and 1 looked at each other wonderingly, then went into the
kitchen to see what had shut them up. There were the five
children. sitting around the table finishing the supper that had
been left on the table in the bedlam of organizing the search. I
looked at Max and Max looked at me and we started to snicker.
He winked.
"You know 1 always say that if mothers would take care of
children instead of criticizing their husbands there wouldn't be
so much trouble with kids" he said solemnly and then broke out
in a roar of laughter as his wife turned with a disgusted look.
The kids all had a big grin, just like their father's, on their
faces. They thought it was a great joke they had played on their
mother by hiding in the barn when she went looking for them'.
Eventually things quieted down after the children stopped
screaming from the spanking their mother had handed out to
4 ti
each. I went back to work but this time for some reason I forgot to
close the door. In less than five minutes Max's' four-year old
came marching in.
"Whatcha doin' Mister Roberts?"
"I'm trying to write a book."
"Like Goldylocks and the Three Bears?"
"Uh, sort of."'
"What' sit `bout?"
"Well it's kind of complicated. Why don't you go outside and
play,.,
"I can understand. I'm smart."
"1 bet you are. Why don't you go see daddy?"
"Do you want me to tell you a 'tory?"
"Not right now. I'm pretty busy. Maybe tomorrow. Did 1 hear
your mother calling you?"
"No mommy is doing the dishes. Say, 1 found a frog this
afternoon. Do you like frogs?"
"Not in the house. Only when they're in a pond." I'd given up
the idea of ever having children.
"Oh don't worry Mister Roberts. He wouldn't fit in my pocket
so I left hir back there." I didn't WANT to hit him but the urge
was growing.
Just in time I remembered the old trick my uncle used on me.
"Say, how would you like some cookies?" 1 took his hand and
led him to the kitchen and gave him a handful of cookies. He
went outside quietly then.
I had just got back to work with the door still open when I
heard "Hello Mister Roberts." It was the six year old this time..
God these kids were smart. I shoved some cookies in his hand.
This time I shut and locked the door. But it didn't do any good
because I just couldn't get the plot straightened out.
I didn't sleep much that night. Two days left to do two
chapters, with a house full of kids, a wife who felted neglected
and a do-it-yourselfer who could probably destroy the tiouse
before Sunday night. Lord what had I done to deserve this.
The next morning Marion thoughtfully bundled the whole
group off to Church so 1 could have the house to myself. But it
was no use. I pulled at my hair until I was afraid of going bald. I
wasted paper, chewed my fingernails to the first knuckle and
contemplated my navel but nothing could straighten the plot out
for me. The ticking of the clock on the mantle got so noisy that I
buried it under the paper in the wastepaper basket. When I
heard the crew coming back I started wondering where 1 could
find a good high building to throw myself off.
Max had to come in as soon as he got home to see how it was
going.
"Well genius, how is the masterpiece?" he said withjhat big
smile.
1 looked around for something to throw. I wished I hadn't
hidden the clock. "Not so good I'm afraid," 1 answered as he
picked up the last couple of pages and glanced over them. "1 just
can't seem to straighten out the plot."
"A mystery, eh. Say why don't you have the butler do it?"
I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach. How novel!
Then in my head something went "click". He was right. Nobody
had dared to use that old gag for so long that it would be the most
unexpected thing that could happen.
"Max, you are a genius. Tell Marion I won't be out for lunch.
I pushed him out the door and locked it. Now that I had the idea
everything flowed out. The first chapter was finished by three
o'clock and by dinner time I had only two more pages to finish.
I enjoyed that meal more than any 1 had had in weeks. It was
roast beef, cooked in the oven, with ice cream, kept cold in the
fridge. for dessert.
After dinner Max started packing up to leave and by eight we
were all out beside the car saying goodbye. It had been quite a
weekend. As Max started the engine and the car began to roll I
yelled out "Bye. Drop in any time."
When the car went out the gate Marion looked at me. "Do you
know what you said?"
I thought back, and burst out laughing. El
THE RURAL VOICE/NOVEMBER 1977. P(+