HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Lucknow Sentinel, 1989-03-08, Page 58Rage 14A e Farm edition °89
Giving up the farm
Husband and wife speak about stressful situation
Editor's note: Many articles have been
written about the farm family under
stress. This article while based on the
same premise will not ask what financial
reasons caused the stress or who is to
blame, but will simply look at the private
feelings that Mr. and Mrs. Farmer and
family, of Anywhere, Ontario feel when
underostress caused by losing the farm.
The story Is told to enable families to
realize they are neit the only ones out
there feeling this way.
The names given to the people are fic-
titious - their feelings are'reali
Sue and Paul started farming approx-
imately 20 years ago. Paul was from a
farm background and had always hoped to
farm on his own. Sue was a city girl, know-
ing little about farming and had a hard
time adjusting to rural life. She figures her
love for her husband and the fact that she
was not as outspoken as she is now were
the reasons she came along to a farm.
Sue comments "if I had been as smart
then as I am, now, there is no way we would
have been farming; hindsight is a great
thing . " Asked if Paul feels the same way,
Sue replies, "yes, .especially during the
last three years, Paul has come to believe
that he has wasted the last 20 years of his
life, slugging his butt off and in the end get-
ting nowhere."
They didn't always feel this way. Finan-
cial difficulties can be devasting for those
faced with losing their farm.
A few years ago they felt th€y were go-
ing to make it, that their son would farm
and they would retire comfortably. Now in
their late thirties, they are faced with a
major career change for Paul. Faced with
telling their children that the farm has to
be sold and impressing upon their son that
there is no way mom and dad will ever be
able to assist him in starting to farm.
Sue looks back with fond memories to
those earlier days when the the only thing
their son ever wanted to do was farm "like
his dad".
Now their son gdes to school, holds down
a job for 25 hours a week and makes his
limited finances stretch from week to
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week without any assistance from his
parents.
Their daughter was never very in-
terested in the farm and has her sights set
on a good education. She also works part
time to finance her personal needs.
Sue went back to work when the children
were in school full time, some 10 years
ago. She has managed to make a niche for
herself. Sue remarks "I went back to work
because I felt I was vegetating at home,
thank God I did, because, now like a lot of
farm wives, it is necessary to work to
make ends meet".
Sue and Paul are now in the position
where they have to sell, there is no other
choice. They are embarrassed by the fact
they cannot pay their bills. They worry
about people in their small community
talking about them and "talk they will",
said Sue. "I know, I have sat in on conver-
sations where the discussion has been 'did
you know so and so are losing their
farm/"' She has heard non -farmers say "I
don't understand how they got themselves
into this position." "Of course they don't
understand, but don't sit there and run
down or belittle people who find
themselves in financial difficulties, be it a
farmer or small businessman."
Sue has known some farm families who
have went through this difficult time.
"Every time I heard about another one, I
tried mentally to put myself in their place,
and now I can tell you first hand what a
--stressful-situation it is." • __. _ _v
While Sue has a steady job, Paul is now
amongst the unemployed. After applying
for numerous jobs, he has become very
discouraged. He has had some very good
interviews, coming away feeling very con-
fident - and then the wait begins. He is now
very disheartened and questions "perhaps
these employers believe that if I have been
farming for all these years, I will not be a
valuable employee." He feels nothing
could be further from the truth. "I am a
hard worker, I want to work and would be
a valuable employee for someone if they
would just give me a chance." The ugly
thought "I am a failure" arises in his
mind.
When Sue is questioned about their per-
sonal relationship; she answers "when we
first realized we had to sell, we made one
of the biggest decisions of our life. We were
faced with starting over again. Paul was
very depressed and I made sure the first
few weeks that every day I came home
from work I hit that front door with a smile
on my face. It was very difficult at times
because some days at my job were hell."
"As the weeks go by and you are involv-
ed with many different creditors and ad-
visors in an attempt to settle your affairs
and get on with your life, it becomes
harder to keep a smile on your face. We
made a silent pact between ourselves, that
we wouldn't take it out on each other or the
kids. I always try to remember that there
are other people who are worse off then
ourselves and be thankful for the good
things we enjoy: a strong marriage, love
for each other, good kids and the ability to
LAUGH at ourselves . A good laugh can
help calm those stressed out nerves."
Sue and Patti don't care who buys their
farm. At one time they were worried about
foreign investors buying up land and, the
affect it would have on the rural com-
munities. Right now they feel they have
lost "that caring feeling". They just want
out and to be able to get on with their life.
Sue sits contemplating the last remark and
says "you know, I don't like feeling that
away, it almost makes me feel sick to
realize how much my ideals have changed
as a result of what we are going through
now, but then I look at Paul and I see 20
Turn to page 17A •