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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1988-02-10, Page 25THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1988. PAGE 25. Tips for a double wedding Beautiful There may be a ‘ ‘best man’ ’ at the wedding as well as a groom but among all these dashing gentlemen can a woman find a ‘ ‘total man”, a man who can be a breadwinner, a sensitive husband and a loving father all in one? Does this superman exist? o i j Does the 'total man' really exist? Almost everyone growing up in the 1970s and beyond has been led to believe that real men can do everything but have babies. A “superman,’’ this modern male is not only a breadwinner, but a sensitive husband and an all-in­ volved father, too. But, asks a recent article in Bride’s magazine, does the “total husband’’ really exist? Most men today pay lip service to the ideal of the “total man’’. Of the married men questioned in an American Council of Life Insur­ ance poll, 75 percent prefer a marriage of shared responsibili­ ties, in which both spouses work and raise the children. Many men who are trying to be equal partners in marriage, how­ ever, are in conflict between what feels normal and what feels right, according to a 1985 survey by USA Today. These men want to be more sensitive and open, but not less masculino For them, sharing the housework, childcare or simply the earning power with their spouse, no matter how correct in theory, feels like a loss of manhood. Other men plunge eagerly into the “total husband’’ role at the startoftheir marriage, but then experience a change of heart after their first child is born. Suddenly, “having it all’’ means simply havingtoomuchtodo, and the lofty egalitarian ideal doesn’t seem worth the price in exhaustion. The result is a wide gap between the myth of the “total man’’ and the reality. According to a Univer­ sity of Michigan study, women do more than twice as much house­ work as men. This is the case even in homes irfwhich both spouses claim to be pursuing an equal marriage. Men with full-time jobs spend about 14 hours a week on house­ work and childcare, while women with full-time jobs work 30 hours a week at home. Is striving to be a “total husband’’ unrealistic? Can an equal marriage work? Says Bride’s, a man hoping tofill this role must overcome familiar pat­ terns and think like a pioneer, and he must be a mature and secure person, able to share power without feeling threatened. His wife must have these traits, too. If a woman really wants a total husband, she has to be willing to step aside and let him do “wo­ men’s work’’in his own way. Some women claim to want to share their role, but then consistently find fault with the way their husbands change diapers or do laundry. The best time to lay the groundwork for an equal marriage, says the article, is before the wedding. After examining how each does laundry, dishes and cleaning, couples should pin down how they will split these tasks after marriage. Discussing the relative impor­ tance of their careers and family life will help them determine, realistically, how they will strike a balance. Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9-5:30; Sat. 9-5:30, Closed Wednesdays Ata double wedding, the two bridegrooms follow the clergyman and stand side by side, each with his best man beside him, the groom of the older sister nearer the aisle. The ushers - half friends of the first, and the other friends of the second bridegroom - go up the aisle together. Then come the bridesmaids of the older sister, followed by her maid of honour, who walks alone. The older sister follows, holding her father’s arm. Then come the bridesmaids of the younger sister, her maid of honour, and last the younger bride on the arm of a brother, uncle, or nearest male relative. The first couple ascends the chancel steps and takes their place at the left side of the altar rail, leaving room at the right side for the younger bride and her bride­ groom. The father stands just below his older daughter. The brother takes his place in the first pew. The ceremony is a double one, read to both couples, with the particular responses made twice. The father pives both brides away - Gifts she will cherish forever at See our new wider selection of brass, copper, wicker & wood furnishings. Crystal & lace - wind-chimes & much, much more. All at affordable prices. Also wedding accessories includes: Photo Albums & Guest Books, Champagne Flutes, Candles, Serviettes & Silk Flowers, Garters & Ring Cushions, Bells & Streamers, Hallmark Cards & Foil Giftwrap. first his older daughter and then his younger. Then he takes the place saved for him beside his wife in the first pew. At the end of the ceremony, the older sister and her husband turn and go down the aisle first. The younger couple follows. The bridesmaids of the older are followed by those of the younger, and the ushers follow last. Or bridesmaids and ushers pair off and go out together. It is not unusual, and it is quite possible for each bride at a double wedding to serve as maid of honour for her sister. Each in turn holds the other’s bouquet during the sister’s ceremony. But the wise bridegroom, if ne dispenses with a best man and uses the services of his brother groom, keepshisownbride’.sringin his own waistcoat pocket. One difficulty of a double wedding is the seating of the parents of the two bridegrooms, whomusteithershare the first pew or draw lots for the occupation of the first or second. This question they must decide themselves.