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The Citizen, 1988-02-10, Page 23THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1988. PAGE 23. Today's weddings are influenced by nostalgia The word for weddings today is “traditional,” and anyone who attends a nuptial, 1980s style, can see why right away. The barefoot- in-the-park ceremonies of the 1960s and ‘70s have disappeared as completely as flower children and love beads. Elegant clothes, age-old ritual and a spirit of nostalgia are the rule. But does this swing-back mean that all innovation is out of style? Does the bride of today really have a wedding thatis indistinguishable from the one her mother or grandmother had? “You need to look more closely to see what’s happened,” says Barbara Tober, editor-in-chief of Bride's magazine. “Today’s wed- dingsdoseekoutthebestand most beautiful traditions of the past - in contrast to a few years ago when anything old was automatically suspect. But, at the same time, they’re very, very modern in that they express new ideals.” Fewer “rules” of etiquette, plus Changing roles of sexes means equal marriage partnership a climate that favors personal expression, have led couples to add their own creative touch. “But today’s individuality is very different from the ‘doyour own thing’ brand of the last decade," says Mrs. Tober. Cou­ ples don't throw out the whole ceremony and start from scratch; they just change or add little things. Forexample, they have their own special music played, personalize their vows, or pass out printed ceremony “programs.” Modern weddings also break with the past over the ideal of equality. Today’s bride may be dressed in a demure, turn-of-the- century style, but that isn’t where her head is. The working bride may have helped pay for that Victorian gown herself, and the ritual phrase of “love, honour and obey” has largely disappeared from the ceremony. The “giving away,” a part of some ceremonies in which the celebrant asks, “Who gives this woman in marriage?” has also changed with the times. Today, a couple might rewrite the question to read, “Who blesses this marri- iage?" with both the bride’s and groom’s parents answering “We do.” The same kind of thinking has likewise revised the idea of who pays for a wedding. Traditionally, the bride’s parents shouldered the whole bill. “But, for the first time,’’saysMrs.Tober, “there’sa definite trend toward the shaving of expenses by the groom’s family.” This is partly economic - infla­ tion for some families means everyone has to chip in for there to be a wedding at all. Butit’salsoasignofthetimes. A bride’s parents are no longer considered to be “marrying off” their daughter. Rather, the wedd­ ing is seen as a joining of two people and two families. Finally, equality means a new role in the wedding for today’s groom. In the past, a groom often felt like a spectator at his bride’s “big day.” Modern couples simply take for granted that it’s his wedding too! Grooms have new responsibili­ ties: They help pick the wedding site, choose china patterns, ad­ Choose something special for that first dance The reception dinner is over, the speeches complete, and it’s dance time. But before everyone can head for the floor, the bride and groom are required to take the first dance. The question: What music to choose? The tune should be something special - one the bride and her spouse both love, the one they first danced to together, or a song that reminds them of one another. Some favourite wedding songs for the first dance or throughout the evening are listed here. We’ve Only Just Begun, The Hawaiian Wedding Song, Could I Have This Dance, Can’t Help Falling In Love, True, Fascination, Let Me Call You Sweetheart, The Greatest Love Of All, Suddenly, The Last Waltz, Do I Love You, Evergreen, Up Where We Belong, dress invitations and write thank- you notes. And they bask in a larger share of the limelight: Some men wear engagement rings, appear with the fiancees in newspaper announcements, and even have showers thrown in their honour. Perhaps Love, Forever, Endless Love, You & I, Suddenly, A Different Corner, All My Lovin’, You’re The Inspiration, 1 Honestly Love You, Just The Way You Are, Till There Was You, Secret Love, When I’m With You, Unforgett­ able, Wedding Song (There Is Love), All The Things You Are, I Pledge My Love, Bridge Over Troubled Water. Truly, My Love, Magic, Let Me Be The re. Lady, There’ll Be Sad Songs, As Time Goes By, Love Is A Many Splendored Thing, My Cherie Armour, All 1 Ever Need Is You, Everybody Loves Somebody, You’ll Always Be The One 1 Love, Can’t Smile Without You. For other selections, couples can check out the songs of Lionel Richie, Barry Manilow, James Ingram or Chicago. In a world of changing sex roles and more equal marital partner­ ships, today’sbride is placing a high priority on friendship as the basis for marriage. A survey of 350 brides-to-be reveals their feelings and opinions regarding relationships and tradi­ tions and offers some insights into the future plans of newlyweds. Friendship as a basis for marriage The survey indicates that to­ day’s bride is “best friends” with her spouse. About 70 percent of the women met their husbands-to-be at work, school or through mutual friends. In contrast, only seven percent polled met their fiances at popular singles spots such as bars, restaurants or parties. Approximately 96 per cent of the brides consider their fiance their bestfriend and share similar views on issues. By comparison, few brides say opposites attract. About 70 percent of the brides place the highest regard on the inner qualities of their future husband. Important characteris­ tics include his sense of humour, patience and intelligence. Less important are physical appear­ ance, sex appeal and financial status. Future plans of newlyweds According to the survey find­ ings, the number of two-career families with both parents working full-time or the mother working part-time will continue to be a strong trend. Many brides-to-be plan to combine child-rearing with careers. Almost 99 percent of the brides- to-be plan to work away from home after marriage. Family life is also important to today’s bride, as 88 percent of the women plan to have children. Most brides-to-be are interested in entertaining in their homes after marriage and plan to do so often. Over 50 percent of the brides expect that they will hold small casual dinner parties. Others expressed an interest in hosting formal dinners, theme, holiday and cocktail parties. In accordance with their desire to entertain, 81 percent of future brides say they will need a formal set of crystal and china, and plan to select these items at the bridal registry. Over three-quarters of the brides also plan to register for casual china. Need help with your arrangements? Dorothy's can help! We’re very accommodating in Goderich Wedding Cakes Rentals - any size or design. Custom made - your design or ours. •Fruit Cake *White Cake •Styrofoam Choose from a large selection of tops, including hand-blown glass. Receptions Favours for your guests, Decorative party favours, fruits, candles, tableware, decorating supplies including fountains, plus a large selection of silk flowers At Hotel Bedford your Reception Dinner will be an unique experience. Choose from 3separatediningroomsseating your partyof 100,50or30. We will also be pleased to cater to your party outside our premises. Your guests will be quite comfortable too, as Hotel Bedford offers 30 spacious rooms including an executive suite and even a bridal suite for stayovers. •Pleated Table Cloths •Skirting for your Head Table •Toast Glasses *Cut & Wrapped Fruit Cakes (foils, etc) •Flowers & Centrepieces •Wishing Well for Cards •Fruit Cake Baskets •Pew Bows Reception Dinner & Outside Catering our Specialty 92 THE SQUARE GODERICH, ONTARIO N7A 1M7 [519] 524-7337 Visit us at Stratford B rid a I Fair February11 Dorothy’s Specialty Shoppe LOCATED AT MITCHELL’S EAST END 348-9482