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The Citizen, 1990-12-21, Page 5Arthur Black Life in Russia no laughing ( matter The chubby little guy with the straw­ berry-coloured map of Albania on his balding forehead stopped in the Kremlin lobby, cleared his throat, and stepped up to the microphone. “They say that President Mitterand has 100 lovers’’ he deadpanned. “One has AIDS but he doesn’t know which one.’’ “President Bush has 100 bodyguards’’ he continued, “one is an assassin, but he doesn’t know which one.’’ Pause. Lay on that Jack Benny pre- punch-line stare. “And President Gorbachev has 100 economic advisers. One is smart,' but he doesn’t know which one.’’ The Soviet President tells a joke.,Not a great joke, to be sure. Nothing that John Crosbie or the Royal Canadian Air Force } would steal - but a joke. Told by a Russian. In public. Just another rivulet in the Great Soviet Thaw, I guess. Not enough that they withdraw from Afghanistan, melt down their missiles, open the door to Macdon- - Peace on earth BY RAYMOND CANON It is hard not to hear on numerous occasions at Christmas time the expression “Peace on earth, good will to all men ...". In connection with this, there comes to mind the yearly Nobel Peace Prize, awarded in honour of the Swedish indus­ trialist who invented gunpowder but who became so turned off by the horrors of war that he donated his fortune to a fund that would reward efforts to make peace,' not war. With all the Christians in the world who might be in a position to practise what their religion preaches, it is rather ironic that this year’s winner was none other than an atheist, Mikhail Gorbachev, of Russia. ! There is no doubt that Mr. Gorbachev did, indeed, advance the cause of peace by his sincere desire to reduce the crushing load of military expenditures which have been afflicting all nations for the past few decades. His desire was tinged with a goodly dose of pragmatism; he realized early in his career that there was still a great deal of validity in the frequently quoted economic trade-off between guns and butter. Russia, he noted, could not have adequate quantities of both and the Russian people had waited long enough for the Marxist concept of heaven on earth; it was, unfortunately, still nowhere to be seen. The only alternative, reasoned Mr. Gorbachev, was to reduce the emphasis on things military and spend more on con­ sumer goods and services. The irony continues when you consider that, while Mr. Gorbachev may have brought more peaceful conditions to the western world and even to most of the countries in Eastern Europe, he is in great danger of losing it in his own nation. At the time I am writing this, there is unrest all over the Soviet Union. Either the Russian leader is not moving fast enough to suit some people or else he is not giving some of the parts of the country, such as the three Baltic states, Moldavia, Georgia an even the Ukraine, the independence they would like to have. It could well be that, by aids and Pepsi franchises' - now their leader does Johnny Carson monologues. What next - Barry Manilow CDs in Russian? Well, nobody ever said Freedom was cheap. Comrade, have you heard about the new contest in Pravda? They’re looking for the funniest political joke of the year. Really? What does the winner get? Well, first prize is 20 years ... That’s an old joke - and one that was whispered, not broadcast, back in the Bad Old Days. Of course, some hoary Russian chestnuts are hardy enough to withstand Glasnost and Perestroika. One Muscovite to another: “Hey Vladi­ mir, why are you running?’’ “I’m running to Kiev to buy cabbage!” “Are you nuts? Haven’t you heard of the shortages? The only cabbage available in all of Russia is right here in Moscow!” “I know, but the lineup starts in Kiev!” That joke makes as much sense now as it did under Stalin, but a lot of jokes won’t survive the transition and more than a few professional jokesters will have to go into comedy drydock for refitting. Yakov Smimof, for instance. Yakov’s the ex-Russian who defected to America several years ago and has been surviving rather handsomely on the rubber chicken circuit by poking fun at the Great Gray Soviet Monolith. this time next year, the Soviet Union as we know it, will have ceased to exist. In addition, Mr. Gorbachev may no longer be in power. In most of the Soviet Union, winters tend to be more severe than they are here. As if that was not bad enough, there are indications that one of the main good deeds of the western world may be the sending of large quantities of food parcels to the needy Russians. I recall rather vividly one project during World War II when Cana­ dians were exhorted to donate to Russian relief because of all the suffering that country was going through. After about 50 years the wheel has come full circle! Russia is not going to be the only country on the receiving end of Christian charity. Another country, Sudan in north-east Letter Protect outdoor dogs THE EDITOR, The arrival of winter and winter weather means that numerous “outdoor” dogs will suffer as they are not adequatenly protect­ ed from the harsh elements. Howling winds, biting cold temperatures and snow, sleet and occasionally rain will adversely affect even the hardiest of outdoor dogs which are not appropriately protected. Some people believe it is acceptable to keep their dog outside without shelter. This is not the case. Many dogs are not outdoor dogs. Some dogs can manage out-of-doors provided they have a good doghouse and they are acclimatized to outdoor weather when they are younger and during warmer weather. Under the Criminal Code of Canada, all dogs are, by law, required to have adequate shelter. A doghouse should be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and stretch out comfor­ tably to the fullest extent of its limbs. It should be insulated, have an interior windbreak, exterior door flap and be elevated six inches off the ground, facing, away from the prevailing winds. As well,« the dimensions of the doghouse should be directly related to the size of the dog. This is important for the dog to keep warm in the doghouse with its own body heat. Outdoor dogs should always have access to fresh water in a non-spillable water container. Yakov Smirnof joke: In the United States you have freedom of speech. You can go up to Ronald Reagan and say, ‘I don’t like Ronald Reagan.’ In the Soviet Union you have the same thing. You can go up to Chernenko and say, ‘I don’t like Ronald Reagan.’ ” Very old joke. Chernenko is dead. Ronald Reagan turned out to be more ossified than Gorbachev and Yakov Smirn­ of is a stand-up comic badly in need of new material. Perhaps Russia is destined to get the last laugh. Let me throw one more comedy routine at you: There are at the present time two great nations in the world ... the Russians and the Americans ... The American reliess upon personal interest to accomplish his ends and gives free scope to the unguided exertions and common sense of the people. The Russian centers all the authority of society in a single arm. The principal instrument of the former is freedom; of the latter, servitude. Their starting point is different, and their courses are not the same; yet each of them seems marked out by the will of Heaven to sway the destinies of half the globe. Hey. You’re not laughing. Would it help if I told you a Frenchman by the name of Alexis de Tocqueville wrote the foregoing? In 1835. And that’s no joke. Africa, is going to be in the news regularly because of a famine, due for the most part to political instability. Irony again enters the picture. Back in the 1960’s, I did a study of the agriculture potential of the Sudan and found that, with the right measures, there was no reason why it could not become the bread-basket of the entire Middle East. I still think so but, because of a corrupt political regime, which refuses to come to grips with reality, famine will be the order of the day instead. There are those who argue that charity should begin at home and, with economic recession being the order of the day at Christmas 1990, perhaps it should. That, however, is a question which never seems to be answered and Christmas will con­ tinue, as it has in the past, to be what we want to make it. Besides inadequate shelter, another problem many outdoor dogs experience is a lack of attention from their family mem­ bers. Dogs are social animals. They need love and attention. Unfortunately many outdoor dogs only see someone for the time it takes to place the animal’s food bowl before it and give the pet a “pat on the head”. If your dog is an outdoor dog, at least make sure it is comfortable. An appropri­ ately constructed doghouse inside a fenc­ ed-in yard or dog run is a good start. As well, make sure the dog receives plenty of attention. Take it for frequent walks, play with it and groom it. Provide your “best friend” with plenty of love and attention and your kindness will be returned several times over by your faithful, canine compan­ ion. If you would like a free pamphlet entitled “Ideal Doghouse For Ontario’s Outdoor Dogs” contact your local humane society or send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Publications Dept. Ontario S.P.C.A. (Ontario Humane Society) 620 Yonge Street Newmarket, Ontario. L3Y 4V8 N. GLENN PERRETT PUBLICATIONS CO-ORDINATOR ONTARIO HUMANE SOCIETY THE CITIZEN. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 1990. PAGE 5. Letter from the editor Are we scrooges? BY KEITH ROULSTON About this time each year we’re usually so full of adaptations of “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens that if we hear the name Scrooge one more time we’re liable to scream “Bah humbug!” Until we had too much of it, however, the story of Scrooge’s conversion from greedy employer to thoughtful humanitarian is a comforting one, We’d like to think that the greedy people of the world could be changed by the Christmas spirit to make the world a better place. We, of course, alway identify ourselves with Bob Crat- chit, as the victims of greed. But some­ times I think we should take a look at ourselves as Ebenezer Scrooge, the sour- puss misers. Nobody wants to think of himself as the rich guy surrounded by the poor. We like to look instead at the guy who earns more money (for doing less) than we do. The fact is, however, that in comparison to the poor of the world and our own country, many of us are in the same class as Ebenezer. Despite our relative wealth, we complain about our government spending too much on foreign aid and like to think that the homeless on the Toronto streets or the people on welfare in Huron County could change their lives if only they weren’t so darned lazy. Our lack of charity goes a lot farther. We’re terminally jealous of others. People from Ontario picture Albertan oil people as blue-eyed sheiks ripping them off. Wes­ terners picture the entire population of Ontario dressed in Bay Street pin-stripes. In Quebec people apparently think nobody in the rest of Canada loves them anymore and in the rest of the country people are tired of the whole issue to the point they’re ready to welcome the departure of Quebec. Even for people who seem to have something in common, the pettiness of one part of the country hits out at others. YVestern farm groups, for instance, recent­ ly called eastern farmers selfish for trying to keep their marketing boards when westerners thought they should be sacri­ ficed as a bargaining ploy to try to reduce international subsidy wars. Better that all farmers should go broke together than one group remain solvent because of its decision to control its production. We seem to be in that kind of self-destructive mood these days. We’re ready to tear a country apart rather than see the other guy get any kind of edge. It reminds me of a movie I watched the other night. In “War of the Roses” Oliver and Barbara Rose have built up a wealthy lifestyle in their years together but Barbara has had enough and wants a divorce. They fight over the house which she claims should be hers because she put so much into it and he stubbornly refuses to give, mostly because that’s the one thing she really wants. They live in separate sections of the house and occasionally go to war in the neutral territory. As the violence builds even their lawyers are pleading with them to compromise but neither will. The battles escalate until in one armageddon they virtually destroy the house they’re arguing over, and destroy themselves. A bit of charity and common sense on either part would have saved a tragedy but each was too bloody-minded to give in. That seems to be a good metaphor for our country today. We’re so bloody-minded, so willing to stand up for “principles” that we’re willing to destroy the country that had so much promise; a country that could be an example of how people can live together in peace. If I could give one gift this Christmas it would be that we could get enough of the Christmas spirit of charity that we, like Scrooge, could be converted to a loving human being instead of a miserable curmudgeon.