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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1990-10-10, Page 5These animals act like animals I told my wife the truth: that I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender. Rodney Dangerfield Ah, adultery. “A sport created by the marriage system” according to one cynical wag. A sport that goes back a long way too, apparently. “An ancient and long-esta­ blished custom ... to set your neighbour’s bed a-shaking.” Who wrote that - Harold Robbins? Erica Jong? Irving Layton? Nope. Those words were put together by an Italian scribbler by the name of Juvenal about 2000 years ago. Oh well, at least the sin of adultery is confined to the human animal, right? Homo sapiens may be an inveterate two-timer, but the other species on the planet are simple, decent, honest types that stick with their mates no matter what. Isn’t that what the biology prof, Reader’s Digest and all those Walt Disney The International Scene Measuring the economy by hemline height BY RAYMOND CANON I’m going to start out by making something of a confession. When I was strolling about in Europe with an eye to reeling in material worthy of being included in an article, I got a directive from one of my editors. It was, he informed me, about time that I wrote something specific for the female readers of the paper. He thus instructed me to make use of my allegedly superb list of contacts, not to mention my languages, and do a series of articles on women’s fashions. More specifically he wanted to know how a specific fashion was conceived and developed and what better place to start, he suggested, than Paris, the city which had been responsible for, among other things, the “New Look,” a term which some of my older readers, I am sure, will recognize. I must confess that my contacts in this industry were extremely thin on the ground but, to make the proverbial long story a bit shorter, I discussed the matter with a German girl I had gone to school with. She surprised me by revealing that she had an older sister who was working in a fashion house in Paris and who might be willing to help me. A quick call confirmed that she would do just that and so it was that shortly afterwards I was off to Paris to write about something I admittedly knew little about. Elizabeth, the sister, was a god-send! Although she worked mainly in accessories such as shoes, scarfs, purses, etc. she did make sure that I was able to interview a series of knowledgeable people in such places as Christain Dior and I came out of all this, thanks to their help, with a series of articles that delighted my editor and surprised me. All this had an unexpected bonus after I got married. My wife discovered that one of the benefits of having me as a husband was that I could buy her clothes as presents which she admitted looked very good on her. About the only time she ever had to take anything back was for alterations. By now some of you will, I am sure, be asking where all this is leading but bear with me. Most readers, if they think about it at all, will assume that the hemlines in women’s fashions go up and down accord­ ing to the whims of some faraway designers. This may or may not be true but movies taught us? Well, that used to be the way things were, Virginia. Up until just a few years ago, biologists believed that about 95 per cent of all bird species were nuclear family types, one mother and one father sharing the burden of raising their brood. Lately, scientists have been looking a little more closely and discovering that those families aren’t quite as squeaky-clean as they’d first thought. In fact they now estimate that up to 30 per cent of the birds in any given nest were probably sired by a, as the saying goes, “non-resident male”. And it’s not just our feathered friends who are afflicted with the roving eye. Scientists have been shadowing rabbits, elk and ground squirrels more closely than ever before. Same story, basically. They’ve found that the aforementioned species fool around a lot more than we ever thought they did - and what’s more it’s the females who usually initiate the debauchery. As often as not, the male is reduced to a helpless blustering cuckold, storming around kicking pine cones and cursing his in-laws while his inamorata is out painting the forest red with some other stud. The male Idaho ground squirrel is particularly pathetic. When his mate is in heat, the male dogs her tirelessly right you will be surprised to learn that there is one eocnomic theory that has done the rounds which claims that there is a correlation between these hemlines and the stock market. I am not sure which economist first came up with this theory; it was certainly not a Canadian; most likely it was a Frenchman or perhaps an American but it could well have been an economist from the Afghanistan central bank. At any rate, the theory goes that stock market activity tends to rise along with the hemline and vice versa. Let’s take a look at what can be considered to be evidence. After World War I the stock market went into a rising or bull market and, sure enough, the skirts were shortened the same time to just below the knee, a dramatic change from the long skirts prevalent during the war. In 1929, a year that many readers will recognize as that of the beginning of the Great Depression, it should not surprise you to learn that the stock market went into a steep and steady drop. Guess what Letters Setting record straight THE EDITOR, Let’s clear up some confusion about retail milk price increases in Ontario. Ontario consumers were faced with higher retail milk prices in September and the Ontario Milk Marketing Board would like to make sure there is no confusion about the part of the increase that is gong to farmers. The price that farmers get for fluid milk increased by 2.5 cents per litre effective Sept. 3. This increase would represent 10 cents per 4-litre bag. Increases beyond this Base reunion planned THE EDITOR, Since 1941, hundreds of thousands of military and civilian personnel have lived for a time in Goose Bay, Labrador. Next year, 1991, will be the golden anniversary of “the Goose” and we’re extending a special invitation to all former GOOSE- ITES to come back for a visit. We’re sure your newspaper has former GOOSE1TES among its readership and we’d like to tell them about our party through your medium. The town of Happy Valley - Goose Bay will be hosting REUNION ’91 from July 19 to Aug. 5, 1991. Two weeks of activities will include the North West River Beach around the clock. He’ll even chase her down a hole and sit on top of it to keep her away from any passing curly-tailed Casa­ novas. As for birds, the experts are having trouble finding any feathered species that lives up to the old Puritan ethic. Even tiny chickadees, those chirpy, Audrey Hepbur- nish innocents who spend the winters with us, are not, it seems, immune to an illicit roll in the snow. Philandering is rampant in the so-called animal world. Patricia Gowaty, a biologist at Clemson University says “it seems that all our old assumptions are incorrect.” Mind you, there may be a perfectly sound biological reason for all the extra­ marital matings these critters get up to. Experts theorize that the females may be ensuring that their eggs get fertilized by a variety of male donors, thus guaranteeing genetic diversity in her offspring. Unlike humans, they don’t do it just for fun. Reminds me of the story of the old general who, off to the wars, locked his young wife in a chastity belt and gave the key to his best friend. “If I’m not back in a year, release my wife” said the General, and then he set off. That night in camp the General looked up to see his best friend galloping up to his tent. “General,” he gasped, “you gave me the wrong key.” happened to the hemline; it dropped too! Shorter skirts were in vogue in 1942 just as the market started a five year climb. Dior’s New Look, to which I referred above, co-incided with a stagnant or bear market and, when the mini skirt made its dramatic entrance in the late 1960’s, the market charged ahead. By the mid 1970’s, as the reaction to the minis took place, the market again reflected the change by dropping. Since most of my fellow economists are (1) too academically inclined and (2) not acquainted to any degree with the fashion world, it is not surprising that they have as yet got around to making a detailed study of this phenomenon. I guess I have a chance to make my place in economic history by coming up with the answer, that is, if I ever get around to it. In the meantime you might like to use this as a topic of converation when you get tired of talking about the weather, taxes, sports, free trade or Indian rights. You might even get there first with the right theory. amount are accuring to other members of the marketing chain. The price charged by retailers to consumers is determined by market forces and not regulated in Ontario. The 2.5-cent rise, which is an increase of 4.6 per cent, is the first farm price increase since May 1988. Inflation over the two-year period rose twice as fast - more than 9.6 per cent. Yours truly, Ken Smith, Director Board/Industry Relations Division. Festival, the Canadian Armed Forces Airshow, the Labrador Canoe Regatta and lots of opportunities to reminisce with old friends and re-explore the area. Former GOOSE-ITES are encouraged to let us know if they’re thinking of coming. We’re building our mailing list and have information to send about events, how to get here, where to stay, registration, and more. Please write: REUNION ’91, Station A, Happy Valley-Goose Bay, Labrador, A0P ISO. Or call Carolyn Maybee, Tourism Coordinator at (709) 896-5431. Yours sincerely, Carolyn Maybee THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1990. PAGE 5. Letter from the editor They love those Blue Jays - but why? BY KEITH ROULSTON Poor Torontonians are in mourning. They lost the World Fair and barely noticed. They got over losing the Olympics to Atlanta. But to have the Blue Jays eliminated by an obviously less-talented team is just too much of an injustice. Toronto’s, and for that matter Canada’s, fascination with the Blue Jays is a little hard to explain. Sometimes it seems Canadian sports fans are like the boy or girl who is enamoured of some far off romantic prospect (even if she/he is a sleeze) while a devout and worthy prospect right next door is overlooked as being too dull. In the past few years sport fans have given their hearts to the Blue Jays only to see their love abused time and again. Baseball is the game of the age in Toronto. Once upon a time Canadian football games in Toronto used to draw 50,000 fans even in antiquated CNE stadium, a size of crowd unheard of at any sports event in Canada at the time. Nowadays, of course, the Blue Jays pack that number into the SkyDome for nearly each and every one of their 81 home games while the Argonauts are lucky to get 30,000 to their eight home games. Even Toronto Maple Leafs, once the height of sport in Toronto, if not all of Canada, play second fiddle to the Jays today. If Torontonians had their choice between the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup or the Jays winning the World Series there’s little doubt they’d choose a win for the Jays. But why? Excitement? Realistically the Blue Jays are about as exciting as watching traffic jams on the Don Valley Parkway. About the most exciting thing you can hope for at a Blue Jays game is an unexpected shower that will make them close the roof while the game is in progress. Unlike the Montreal Expos who scrape and scrounge for runs, stealing bases, hitting and running and, heaven forbid, bunting, the Blue Jays get men on base and wait for someone to hit the ball out of the park. If no home run comes, the team’s likely to get no runs period. The Maple Leafs by comparison, provid­ ed exciting hockey last year, scoring goals by the bucket full. They may have allowed too many but at least they were exciting. The Argos, until their defeat by Winnipeg last week, had been setting record after record for their offence. They’d do any­ thing for a touchdown including the old “sleeper” trick play. But Toronto loves those Blue Jays ... even if the love isn’t exactly returned. Oh there are all those pretty speeches about how great the fans are and how much the players want to play in Toronto but, come the end of the season, most leave vapour trails from departing with such speed for elsewhere on the continent. Only one player on the Blue Jays is likely to spend much time in Toronto this winter and that’s Rob Ducey, the only Canadian on the team. Of course the Blue Jays keep finding excuses not to play the hometown boy even though he was one of the best players on the team when the Jays looked like they might almost pull out this clunker of a season with a September surge. The Maple Leafs, of course, are filled with Canadian boys. Even many of the sizeable contingent of Americans playing on the Leafs spent their off seasons in Toronto. In football, more than half the players are Canadian, which probably explains why fans think CFL football can’t possibly be good enough for 'them. The CFL has been well known over the years for the number of Americans who come to Canada to play and decide to stay, some of them becoming outstanding citizens like the Argos Dick Shatto, and Ron Lancaster. But the baseball players will take their millions paid by Canadian fans and retreat to the warmth of California, Florida or the Continued on page 23