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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1990-02-28, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1990. PAGE 5 Arthur Black Me and Ma Bell don't get along If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me Jimmy Buffet song title It probably sounds a tad ghoulish, but every once in a while I entertain the fantasy of resurrecting Alexander Graham Bell, grabbing him by the nape of his mouldy winding sheet, shaking him briskly and shouting “There! See what you started? Are you satisfied?” It’s the telephones, Mister Bell’s most enduring legacy. They’re everywhere. Americans make more than 350 million telephone calls every day. I’m pretty sure that citizen for citizen, Canadians are even gabbier, but I can’t prove it. I called the Public Relations department of Bell Can­ ada to find out the Canadian figures. The receptionist put me on hold. But who needs statistics? A decent pair of eyes will tell you that we live in a plague of telephones and the little beggars continue to multiply like minks in heat. When I grew up the telephone was a I I huge wooden affair about the size of a gum —- machine, featuring brass bells, a goose­ neck speaker and a crank on the side that summoned the operator. Telephones were furniture back then. And there was one to a The International Scene One Big Macski, Comrade! BY RAYMOND CANON I must confess to being a loyal MacDon­ ald’s-watcher although I must admit just as readily that I have never been a fanatic for the hamburgers that they serve (over 70 billion at last count). What attracts me is their efficiency, their teaching to countless teenagers the importance of efficiency in business, not to mention politeness, some­ thing that seems to get lost in the shuffle quite frequently these days. However, what has caught my attention the past little while, as far as the golden I arches are concerned, is the decision by the ; Kremlin to allow the first MacDonald’s * outlet tu uc built in Moscow and the awarding of this contract to MacDonald’s of Canada. This little fact may have been lost on the Americans who are boasting of the construction of the outlet in the heart of Leninland but I am quite ready to remind them of this when the occasion presents itself. However, on January 31, Moscow cele­ brated the opening of the newest MacDon­ ald’s which, by the way, is the largest in the entire chain. It seats up to no less than 900 people at one time and is expected to serve as many as 15,000 people daily. Not surprisingly, the traditional MacDonald’s fare will be offered. Perhaps it would be easier if they had chosen to offer Beef Strogonoff sandwiches or something similar since, in order to get the Big Macs and the likes in front of the public, there has been a giant operation underway. For more than two years the company’s agricultural specialists have been occupied in setting up the quality control infrastructure for which MacDon­ ald’s is famous. It is putting the finishing touches on a big 100,000 sq. ft. food-pro- cessing plant in Moscow that will mould its beef patties, produce its French fries, bake its buns and all the many things that go into any similar operation. At this point it household. If you were lucky. Nowadays, it’s more like one to a room. We’ve got the telephones in the living room and telephones in the den. There are kitchen telephones and bedroom tele­ phones and patio telephones. The last hotel room I rented featured a telephone set into the tile wall right next to the john. I can’t begin to tell you how little I would appreciate, while on the john, a telephone call inviting me to subscribe to Macleans Magazine. And you can’t get away from phones by fleeing out the front door. They’ve invaded our cars. Last summer, I couldn’t figure out why, even though traffic jams were more frequent the traffic-bound drivers around me seemed less hostile. There was much less horn-honking, cursing and waving of fists. Then I twigged. The drivers were less hostile because they were busy yakking into their cellular car phones. Calling up their stockbrokers and their Sr J,!?® .L°.c.aJ radio station to deliver an on-the-spot report of a traffic jam. Last year, Air Canada announced that soon their passengers would be able to take and receive telephone calls while they were flying, right in their seats. To which I can only offer a luke-warm ‘whoopee’. The only two things I liked about air travel was the complimentary wine with dinner and the certain knowledge that, for the duration of the flight I would be beyond the reach of that jarring dingaling of a jangling tele­ may come as no surprise to you to learn that the plant will contain its own dairy. North America is just too far away for food supplies to be flown in. For this reason special farms have been set up in the Soviet Union to produce the large quantity of both beef and potatoes neces­ sary for the operation. Bull semen was shipped over early in the program to guarantee the quality of the beef. The right type of potatoes was also planted. Specialists from MacDonald’s were sent over, also at an early date, to show the Russian farmers how to extend the cattle’s feed cycle and to get the largest possible potato harvest. You may or may not have read that the company decided to have some Russian management trainees trans­ ferred to the famous Hamburger Univer­ sity in Illinois to get a B.A. in hamburger- ology. There has been some concern expressed about the willingness of the Moscovites to take in a food with which they are not familiar. Nevertheless, given the propen­ sity with which they have taken to foreign innovations in the past, the possibility of eating at a fast-food chain created by the capitalist system should bring a bit of variety into a generally drab lifestyle. Help for those in trouble The Editor, Two years ago, after much groundwork by concerned ministers and laypeople, the Queens Bush Rural Ministry was founded. It serves an area once known as the Queens Bush, which takes in the counties of Grey, Bruce, Huron and parts of Wellington. The formation of this help line was prompted by the knowledge that numerous problems were being faced in the rural communities that somehow were being tolerated but not addressed. A caller who dials 392-6090, can expect several things. The phone will be answered by a co-ordinator or a recorder. The messages on the recorder are answered promptly. It is used mainly during the day when the co-ordinator might be out on calls. The initial call will make contact with a person who takes the information concerning your difficulty. If the problem warrants it, the co-ordinator will offer to visit the caller personally, or invite them to the Queens Bush office. No problem is too big or too small. The services of the Queens Bush are phone. No more, alas. We are succumbing to terminal telephonitis. The planet is gradu­ ally being cocooned in a sarcophagus of telephone wire. The music of the spheres will be replaced by dial tone. A new religion will sweep the globe. Christianity, Islam, Judaism. Buddhism -- all the orthodox faiths will tumble into the crypt of history while humanity in its billions will rush to embrace the new doctrine. The Gospel According To Ernestine. You think I’m overreacting? That’s because you haven’t heard the latest news. The federal communications department is licensing field trials of the Zone Phone. It’s a lightweight, cordless gizmo about the size of your TV Channel Zapper. It folds small enough to slip in your shirt pocket and it’s called ‘the poor man’s cellular phone’. Why? Because it costs about one-twentieth the price, that’s why. Experts predict it’ll sell for about $150. You realize what this means? It means that virtually everybody will be able to afford their own portable phone. Which in turn means that the only time we’ll be free from ringing telephones is when we’re nude in the sauna. Well, that’s not quite true. The zone phone is cheap because it doesn’t do some of the things a regular phone does. For instance, you can make a call on the Zone Phone, but you can’t receive one. A phone that doesn’t receive calls. What a concept! I wonder if they take trade-ins? MacDonald’s certainly hopes that this is the case. Last year MacDonald’s of Canada president George Cohen signed an agree­ ment to build another 19 similar restau­ rants in Moscow of which the city will own 51 per cent. With such a future as this ahead, there should be little worry on the part of company officials that profits, when they do come, will be in the form of Russian roubles and not in some western hard currency. They can plough all the money they take in back into the system to develope the other 19. Given the black market rate of exchange for the rouble, your visit to Moscow might end up to be the biggest bargain in your history of fast food eating. I can only wonder whether Muscovites will be as fastidious as Canadians in cleaning up after their meal. I must confess that, in all the MacDonald’s restaurants I have been in throughout the world, Canadians win hands down in their willingness to take their garbage and put it in one of the receptacles provided for that purpose. Even the Swiss can’t hold a candle to us. At any rate, just to prepare you, here is how you say “2 Big Macs, please”, in Russian - dvye bigovo Maka, poshalsta! free. At the same time, contributions from any source are welcomed from the Queens Bush in order to carry on with its service. The Queens Bush is not in competition with already established agencies. It enhances them. Most of the 2,000 callers over the past two years were not aware of the vast array of social, financial and legal services available to them. The Queens Bush is, and will direct you to the appropriate sources you require, often making the initial appointment for you. Never, ever think your problem is too big or too small! The Queens Bush Rural ministry has received over 2,000 calls during the past two years, and rarely are the problems the same. There is a source of advice or service for everyone. Don’t be surprised if the co-ordinator offers to put you in touch with a willing volunteer who has experiences much the same as yours. The guiding hand extends to many facets of society in our rural areas. If your situation is critical, the co-ordinator will offer, as soon as it is possible, to visit Continued on page 34 Letters Festival’s ticket price hike knocked THE EDITOR, As has everyone in Huron County and particularly Blyth, I watch the progress of the Blyth Festival, noting the huge capital expenditures of the past two years and the large 1989 summer season that gave the Festival its first red season in its 15 year history. Now the increase in ticket prices for the 1990 season! Last year ticket prices included “The surcharge for capital” whether the public liked it or not - and they accepted it. Should the 1990 season increase of 30 per cent be accepted also? Even with vouchers? My consumer resistence kicks in at $10 a ticket. Where is the theatre’s mandate for providing live theatre at a cost that families can afford? People were in the pleasant habit of buying a ticket to every show - if a play didn’t live up to expectations they took the bad with the good. Can they still afford to take that chance? Blyth Theatre has been an excellent opportunity for children to experience live theatre. Can a family of four go to four shows now? Not to mention that it has taken all these years for the people of Huron County to be comfortable with live theatre at any price! There are few theatres that can boast as Blyth - that they have walked the fine line of balancing budget and adventurous productions - and fewer who have stayed in the block. We’ve seen one year of miscalculation and irresponsibility destroy the contingency “cushion fund” that was built with sacrifice and hard work by scores of people over the years. So now the patron is being asked to pay for these extrava­ gances. Are there plans for staff and salary cuts or are you taking for granted that government and corporate funding is never ending? Blyth is not Stratford nor Shaw, and Blyth is proud of the difference. This Theatre was built on dreams that hard work made live. This Theatre was built on the mandate that Canadians have their own story to tell and that Canadians can tell it - and that has been achieved. Blyth has made an impact on Canadian Theatre. This Theatre was built on the premise that the Board administrator and artistic director are equal parts of a triangle, each with their own job to do - but communicat­ ing, consulting and working together. The board was to be a “working” board. Has the vision been lost? Bigger is not necessarily better. The Board has made many wonderful things happen, but is continuity being assured by educating new members and staff as to the past history, struggles and mandate of this festival? For example, a “working” board is a volunteer board, DONATING time and talent, with no special favours in return. There are business people on the board - for good reason - you know a bottom line - you are there for checks and balance. Are you comfortable with projected budgets, expenditures, revenues? Ask questions. Make changes. This is your Theatre. You now know how fragile Theatre business is - vigilance can never relax. Blyth and Huron County are justly proud of the Blyth Festival. Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs. Mildred McAdam Past President Blyth Festival, 1981-82. Calling former students THE EDITOR, A reunion of all pupils who attended school at S.S. No. 2, Kingsbridge (R.R. 3, Goderich) is planned for July 7, 1990, anytime after 12:30 p.m. This special reunion will be held at the home of Marlene (Drennan) MacDonald at RR 2, Lucknow (St. Helens). We simply ask that anyone attending bring lawnchairs, cameras and refresh­ ments. For further information phone (519) 528-2327. Marlene i Drennan] MacDonald Graduating Class of ‘65.