HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1990-02-14, Page 22PAGE 22. THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1990.
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How to cope with ‘engaging ’personal questions
The simple announcement “I’m
getting married" guarantees you’ll
be in the spotlight for months
ahead. This “instant celebrity"
often invites endless personal
questions from family, friends ...
even strangers. “Where did you
meet?” “How did he propose?”
Some may be fun to answer, others
can be irritating.
An article in a recent issue of
Bride’s magazine suggests dealing
with some common questions this
way:
•“Why do you want to get
married?”
With today’s acceptance of the
single lifestyle, and of couples who
live together without marrying, a
person who takes the traditional
route may be asked to “justify”
that decision.
If you can answer this question -
and if you want to - you might
explain that you’re serious about
your religion, or that you believe
marriage is the strongest statement
of commitment two people can
make. But sometimes the best
answer is much simpler: “It just
feels right to me.”
•“Why did you decide to marry
him?”
Questions about your choice of
partner can be upsetting, particu
larly if these doubts come from
people you love and respect. Usu
ally the best answer is, “When you
get to know Bob better, I’m sure
you’ll see why.”
What if the question causes you
to have doubts yourself? Does this
mean that you are making a
mistake? Remember that marriage
is a very big step; even people who
are very much in love worry.
•“When are you going to have a
baby?”
This is a touchy question, but it can
be helpful to distinguish someone
who is merely prying from someone
who is genuinely interested in
passing along valuable advice. In
the first case, a non-answer, such
as “Why do you ask?” might stop
the questioning short.
In the second case, if the
question comes from an older
sister, for example, what at first
seems intrusive could actually get
you to explore an issue you hadn’t
thought about before.
•“Will you be quitting your
job?”
Many people still assume that a
bride will automatically give up her
place in the work force for a place
at home. “No, of course not!” is a
good reply, whether the questioner
is a friend, relative, stranger ... or
your boss. In the latter case, you
might underscore your answer by
being particularly dedicated at
j i a a muss
work.
If you do decide to stop working,
or if you’ll be moving to another
town after the wedding, be honest.
Give your employer plenty of notice
and leave on a good note.
•“Will you share the house
work?”
Friends who ask this may be
wondering how they would handle
the situation if they were to marry.
Just say, “We plan to be equals.”
After all, no one can foresee the
future or know exactly what mar
ried life will be like.
•“How much will your wedding
cost?” or “Who’s paying for the
wedding?”
The first question is tactless ... and
very common. You could wave it
aside with something like, “Never
mind. Just come and enjoy your
self.”
The second question could be
answered honestly: “Bill’s parents
and mine are splitting the bill.” Or
with a joke: “We’re accepting
contributions of $100 or more from
all those kind enough to inquire!”
Or, as with any one of these
“engaging” questions, by simply
not answering at all!