HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 1986-02-12, Page 15Vzlde¢ '86
Mothers-in-law
are no joke
Tips on how to get along
with yours
Hear the phrase "mother-in-
law" and the word "joke" often
springs to mind. Throughout
history, the mother by marriage
has been a figure of fun in folklore,
literature, even botany: The alter-
nate name for the snake plant is
"mother-in-law's tongue!"
But, joking aside, is it really
impossible to get along with your
mother-in-law? A recent book,
Between Mothers -in -Law &
Daughters -in -Law, by Helen S.
Arnstein (Godd Mead & Company)
which was excerpted in a past issue
of Bride's magazine, has this
advice for young people getting
married today:
• Realize that times have
changed. Says Arnstein, "The
days are long past when a
mother-in-law dropped by at her
daughter-in-law's home, lifted the
lid of the simmering pot to inspect
her son's dinner, or commented on
the dishes stacked in the sink."
Your mother-in-law, if she's like
many women today, holds a job and
leads an active life - with little time
or energy left over to inspect your
home. Her own home may be far
from perfect!
• Let go of preconceived notions.
"First impressions can set the tone
of a relationship," claims Arn-
stein. Think of your mother-in-law
as your spouses's mother, instead
of associating her with the stereo-
type. She is the mother of the
person you love, and part of the
things you love were fostered by
her. Give her every chance to be
THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1986. FAGE 15.
known as an individual: Isn't that
what you want?
• Borrow from her wisdom now
and then. Put yourself in your
mother-in-law's place and think
how an older person would feel if
there was nothing she could
contribute to the younger genera-
tion. So, if she suggests something
in good faith, give it a try. After all,
under her tutelage, your spouse
turned out pretty well!
• Should she nag and complain,
realize that this behavior may stem
from unhappy experiences in her
life and may not necessarily be a
reflection on you. The "interfering
mother-in-law" often doesn't have
any outlets for her abilities. You
and your spouse might be able to
work on that.
• Check your own behavior.
Could you unknowingly be doing or
saying something to upset her?
Are you as critical of her ways as
she is of yours? "Speaking out,"
regardless of which generation
does it, is more likely to be
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• Give it time. With the right
attitude, problems often resolve
themselves simply through living
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