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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Citizen, 2007-11-08, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2007. PAGE 5. Bonnie Gropp TThhee sshhoorrtt ooff iitt Ordained by birth Ihadn’t even sucked the froth from my first pint of Piper’s Pale when I caught, from the other side of the room, The Look. Sitting at the bar. Big guy. Eyes like dum- dum bullets and staring right at me. Not kindly, either. It’s an occupational hazard when you write a column like this for a living. Every once in a while, something you write ticks somebody off. Every once in a while, someone who knows what you look like points you out to a guy you ticked off. And then you’ve got trouble. He came across the room towards me like a Great White Shark swimming through groupers. Pulled up about five centimetres from my nose. “Oi’m a bit dirty on you, myte,” he growled. “Wuz thinking you moit need a kick up the Khybah!” And then he smiled and relaxed. And so did I. He was just an Aussie responding to a column I’d written a couple of weeks ago about ‘Strine’ – the weird and wonderful language spoken and understood only by Down Unders – folks born and bred in Australia. It’s an amazing dialect, is Strine. The name is a corruption of ‘Australian’ – or ‘Orstryliun’as a practitioner would pronounce it. What would you think if a stranger came up and told you that you had a ‘gloria soam’? He’s merely admiring your digs – you have a ‘glorious home, is what he’s saying. How about if a stranger accosted you at the local pub and inquired ‘Jegoda the footy?” A correct response would be: “Nar. Dingo. Sartentv.” Let me translate: the stranger has asked “Did you go to the football game?” And you have responded “No, I didn’t go. I saw it on TV.” You are quaffing a Foster’s with an Oz expatriate in a Toronto bar, perhaps. You ask if your friend saw the game last night, where the Leafs blew out the Philadelphia Flyers, eight to zip. “Eich nardly bleevit,” murmurs the Ozzie. He’s saying “I can hardly believe it”. He buys the next round. You thank him. He smiles and says: “Sleece tiger doo”. Strine for “It’s the least I could do.” Aussie speech is not always so impenetrable. Australians are nothing if not plain spoken. They say what they mean and they mean what they say. Is there any other country which would have a national campaign against drunk drivers featuring a poster that reads: “IF YOU DRINK AND DRIVE THEN YOU’RE A BLOODY IDIOT”? When former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke was pestered by Japanese reporters to explain his mission to their country, he grabbed the microphone and said, “Look. I’m not here to play funny buggers”. Now, in Australia, that’s a perfectly straightforward response. It simply means “I am not here to mislead you or to split hairs”. Regrettably, the Japanese translator was not terribly fluent in Strine. He rendered it as “Look, I am not here to play laughing homosexuals”. It’s not Strine’s fault. Strine at its purest is clear and concise, blunt and forthright. But like French wine, it does not always travel well. When an Australian diplomat tried to explain to a French audience, his delight at finally being assigned a position in the Australian Embassy in Paris, he turned philosophical, musing that, as he looked back on his diplomatic career, it appeared to be divided into two distinct portions: boredom before he came to Paris…and excitement thereafter. That’s what he meant to convey. Unfortunately, what came out was: “When I look at my backside, I find it divided into two parts.” Arthur Black Honeymoon refreshes Premier McGuinty “You need to stop. You have to quick worrying. You need to give up trying to make everyone happy. You have to realize there’s only so much you can control.” Oh, I’ve heard them all. The problem is that while I’d never pretend to be a perfectionist, I do possess a strong need to see things are done as well as possible. Running late is inexcusable. Planning every detail, organizing every aspect and preparing for any contingency are utmost to my sanity. Lists are my lifeline, keeping my busy brain organized. It’s essential to my well- being that I see clear skies and smooth sailing. I abhor conflict, feeling it infiltrate body and soul, upsetting what can actually be a fairly calm and peaceful core. Unfortunately, as we all know, this world harbours plenty of folks who prefer to fly by the seat of their pants. They have been the bane of my existence since my existence began. They have upset me, distressed me and driven me totally and completely nuts. And the sad reality is, as my very good friend at the beginning of this column pointed out, albeit a tad more gently, it’s my fault. In essence I want to fix things even though to someone else they may not appear broken. People will be what they will be and I need to quit driving myself crazy trying to put them and things the way I think they should be. I know it. I’ve known it for years. But I am what I am and though I will catch myself from time to time, circumstances will often arise that bring the fixer to the fore. How did it happen? Why do I fret and stew over what may be and feel it’s my responsibility to ensure it doesn’t? Why do I want the world to be organized and keep things running smoothly. Not to be trite, but I put a good part of the reason down to having been born a Libra. Strange and foolish it may seem, but I noticed many years ago, with two children and a nephew celebrating birthdays within five days of each other, that there are strong personality traits shared by those who share a zodiacal sign. To prove, or disprove, my theory that this is to blame for my need to fix, I decided to do a little research. I’ll offer some highlights and in light of what you’ve read before see what you think. For those who know me well, prepare to be freaked out. First I am actually a ‘Libra I’ having been born between Sept. 25-Oct. 2. From the “Secret Language of Birthdays”, I learned that this period takes The Perfectionist as its central image. (Honest. I read all of this after I wrote the first part) “This period can be likened in human terms to the years following the mid-life point where a new determination to integrate, direct and perfect specific areas of one’s life takes hold.... Tending to problems, fixing things — in a word, maintenance — is particularly important at this time.” Libra Is place heavy demands, not just on ourselves but also on those with whom we interact daily. Our standards regarding beauty, truth and quality are high. When pleased the approval and encouragement we bestow is heartfelt and meaningful. However, too we can hide a true point of view behind an ironic or satirical facade. Finally, “So great is the technical drive of those born in Libra I that they can come to spend most of their spare time fixing things.... systems, organizations, relationships — even people. “Often Libra Is are convinced that they can take a certain situation and make it right.” So you see, it’s not really my fault. It was ordained by birth. Otherwise I’d fix it. Other Views Wot – strine agyne?Eich nardly bleevit Premier Dalton McGuinty is getting the honeymoon he never had before and it is putting new spring in his step. The Liberal premier was not given the period of grace new governments traditionally enjoy, in which they can do no wrong and often climb in polls, after he was elected to his first term in 2003. He was denied it because his first act as premier was to impose a huge tax increase, which he had said he would not do. This was to pay for election promises, although the outgoing Progressive Conservative government was as much to blame because it falsely claimed it was leaving him balanced books. McGuinty was forced to read newspaper headlines about “Fiberals” and “McLiar” throughout his first four-year term. He also had other failings, about average for governments, so the criticisms never let up. If he found joy in being premier, he never showed it and most of the time looked as if he was on his way to a funeral. But since McGuinty won a second successive majority government on Oct. 10 it shows in his appearance. Almost any time he speaks, even when making such mundane announcements as “our caucus met earlier today and we had some productive discussions,” he has a half-smile, as if he is having difficulty holding back his glee and it is about to burst forth any moment. McGuinty looks extremely self-satisfied and gives no hint he owes his bliss particularly to Conservative leader John Tory’s blunder in promising to fund private faith-based schools, which alienated most voters. McGuinty looks relaxed, comfortable and confident for the first time as premier and is acting more as if he is in control. He has not seen a headline denouncing “Fiberals” in at least a month and may feel that burden is behind him. The defeated leaders of the opposition Conservatives and New Democrats pop their heads above ground only to indicate they and their parties are still debating how long they will be around. Tory wants to stay and many in his party, but not yet a majority, agree with him. NDP leader Howard Hampton after leading in three successive defeats in elections, is still pondering whether he has the heart to lead in a fourth. The legislature is not sitting, so McGuinty’s opponents cannot use it as a forum and news media have not yet decided, as they have sometimes when one party dominated, it is up to them to be the real opposition. McGuinty feels in charge at last and this is prompting him to be more aggressive. It has shown in his shuffling of his cabinet. In his first term McGuinty had trouble deciding what to do with ministers who hurt him. He allowed Harinder Takhar, who devoted time to his business instead of his ministry; and David Caplan, who failed to protect lottery ticket buyers, to stay; and dropped Mike Colle, who was responsible for allocating funds for immigrants that seemed to go disproportionately to Liberal friends. McGuinty has started his second term boldly by dropping four ministers who mostly were steady if unspectacular and replacing them with younger MPPs he feels will provide more energy and make his party more in tune with the times. McGuinty may not get better performances from them, but he suddenly shows eagerness to try. McGuinty also put a brake on the only minister who has been seen widely as a potential successor, Michael Bryant, by moving him from attorney general, traditionally a senior post well situated for gathering support from the most powerful professionals in politics, lawyers, to a New Ministry of Aboriginal Affairs. There had been predictions McGuinty will not lead his party in the next election in 2111, but he has done nothing to suggest this. He probably will not decide until close to the election and is under no pressure. But he should savour this moment, because this is as comfortable as it is likely to get. Eric Dowd FFrroomm QQuueeeenn’’ss PPaarrkk “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw Final Thought Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right to refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise.