The Brussels Post, 1978-04-12, Page 15Bowes Electronics
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THE BRUSSELS POST, APRIL 12, 1978 'IS
Sugar and Spice
by Bill Smiley
Some stern letters
Last fall, when it roined for 40 days and 40
nights and; then began to snow for about a
similar spell.. I received a couple of pretty
stern letters from readers.
One was from an elderly gentleman, the
other from a clergyman, Both excoriated me,
in their different ways, for being
blasphemous, Cause of their concern was a
pair of columns in which I suggested, to the
Almighty that we'd had enough precipitation,
and .He.cotild stop dumping it on us any time.
The E.G. wrote a cross letter to his editor
and sent me a copy The preacher wrote .me a
long, personal letter, telling me I shouldn't be
so "chummy" with God. He offered to pray
for me, and sent along a modern version of the
Bible. containing such words as "booby-
traps", which rather alarmed me, accustomed
as. I am to' the austere and dignified King
James ..'Version,
Well, I wrote some pretty bitter columns
about the Canadian winter. But after six
straight weeks of glorious, clear, sunny
weather, I'm beginning to wonder. who is
right. me or my. critics.
Maybe the Lord does read my column,
probably on one of His frequent lunch breaks.
I didn't pray to Him for some decent weather.
I told him rather snappily, that we were fed up
with what Hewas dishing up. He didn't strike
me down .with a thunderbolt, although I
noticed my arthritis became pretty keen there
for a few weeks.
Maybe the Lord mused, something like:
this: "By Jove, .maybe Bill Smiley is right.
Maybe I- did forget to turn off the taps there
for a few months. It wouldn't be the first time.
I remember a few years back that business of
Noah and his family. I clean forgot about them
until it was nearly too late."
"I get so darn sick of .people praying for
better health, better crops, more money,
happiness, and their own worthless hides
when they're in a jam that I sometimes turn
off My hearing aid. I'm supposed to see the
little sparrow filth, so maybe I shoed pay
attention when a smalltown columnist goes
out of his way to remind me that there is slot
more than sparrows falling, and a lot too much
of it.
"I'll let him sweat it out for another couple
of weeks, just show him that you don't
challenge My will with impunity. Then I'll
turn on the sun for solid six weeks, making
the scoffers realize that the day of miracles is
not past. Six weeks of sunshine in a Canadian
winter! That beats walking on water any day.
"Just for the Heaven of it, duMp some
snow and wind and ice and rain on those fat
cats who go south every winter, and let those
Canadians who stayed home. not exactly my
chosen people, but at least my frozen people,
VI the nasty letters south, telling their relatives
of the blue skies, radiant sun, and erystol air
back home.
"Smiley's going to have to .pay for it, of
course. He might as well find out. once and for.
all, that you d-on't get chummy or cocky with
Me. That's a special sphere reserved for
preachers a nd
"Letts see. No use increasing his arthritic
pain or his backache. That only drives him to
blasphemy, and We don't want to encourage
" that, I could wreck his golf shot. Bat that
wouldn't work either. It's already so lousy .
he'd never even notice it.
"No, it has to be something more subtle.
Maybe I could put a bug in his wife's ear, and
have her drag him out of bed at seven every
morning and share the agonies of that
half-hour of exercise she does with that dame
on the T.V. That would ruffle him more than
somewhat.
• "But it's not enough. It wouldn't be clear to
him that I am an almighty, omnipotent. fierce
and vengeful God. He'd probably think it was
merely his wife being obnoxious. And he'd
claim he couldn't do the exercises with his bad
back and his bad neck and his bad shoulder
and his bad knee. .
"I could ,always rot the rest of his teeth,
which are pretty well ready for the boneyard,
anyway. At least he'd suffer the humiliation of
going around drooling and gumming his food
for a while. But with' these blasted modern
dentists, he'd soon be 'going around with
afistful of big, white, attractive molars; and
thinking he could start smiling at women
.again.
"Nope, it's got to be something that would
really get to him. I could easily have hini fired
from his job for vagrancy, bad shuffleboard,
mopery, gawk and not preparing lesson plans.
He's guilty, of all and each of them. But it
wouldn't do. He's so lazy 'I think he'd go
-straight on unemployment insurance.
"Got itl It will hit where it hurts. I'll turn
his grandsons against him. I'll make them see
that he's spoiling them rotten warping their
characters, that he swears, drinks, smokes,
gambles, and is altogether a most reprobate
and unfit grandfather.
"But—would it take? They don't really care
if he drinks, smokeS, etc. They need him for
running across the room and jumping on.
They need him for kisses when they hurt
themselves. They couldn't care less if he were
Old Nick himself, as far as morals go.
"Ah, well. I guess just have to let him go
to hell in his own inimitable way. That's
,punishment enough for anyone."
CONTINUING
EDUCATION COURSES
CLINTON CAMPUS
SPRING/SUMMER 1978
The following courses are being offered
this Spring/Summer semester at the
1
Clinton Campus. Students are already
enroling. To ensure yourself a place in the
course of your choice, please telephone
482-3458 Monday to Friday from
9 a.m. to 4 p.m. or visit our campus on
Vanastra Road in Clinton.
Bookkeeping -
Basic to Advanced $23
Bartending Techniques $33
Introduction to
Coronary Care $53
Conestoga College
of. Applied Arts
and Technology
Bluevale UCW
theme is prayer
Prayer was the theme of the
Worship Service with which Unit
3, under the leadership of Mrs.
Walter Willits, began the
meeting of Bluevale U.C.W. on
Wednesday afternoon. Besides "
Mrs. Willits' message, Mrs.
Beth Johnston, and Mrs. Thelma
Peels presented a dialogue "The
Lord's Prayer'." A hymn and
prayer by Tennyson completed
the worship.
During business, members
were reminded that the Young
People would like donations of
baking for their bazaar later in
spring. Group 4 mentioned a
Garage Sale they are planning.
Mrsi Riehordson Missionary
from Africa, to speak and show
slides.
Those till the committee for the
Plowing Match Lunches reported
on requirements, foods, transpor-
tation help.
The Stewardship and Finance
Cotinnittee Mrs. Donna Craig and
Mrs. Vera Nicholson, gave the
group an informative summary of
the work of their field.
The June meeting will be in
charge of the Christian
Leadership Development
Committee, slides by Mrs. W,
Thornton and worship ;service
Unit.
Pick up one of our spring/summer tabloids
at the Clinton Campus.
' Weve got et lot to shore .