HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1977-04-06, Page 7Sugar and Spice
by Bill Smiley
Sour notes
Don't expect the usual collection of
optimistic opinion, cheery chat, and happy
household hints normally found in this
space, I'm feeling really mean this week.
It St. Francis of Assisi himself showed
up, I'd probably snarl, "Stop feeding those
bloody birds! All they'll do is dump all over
us."
My normally sunny nature is soured by a
sore back. It started out as just a little pain,
like a breadknife going into my kidneys.
You know. The sort of thing that makes you
emit a startled "aarf!" when you
straighten up after brushing your teeth and
spitting in the sink: Lots of guys have that.
It goes with the territory.
Then my two grandboys came for the
weekend.They weigh about fifty pounds
between them. There's a certain amount of
jealousy. Nobody can play,the same tunes
on their fat necks that Grandad can, by
simultaneously sucking and. blowing.' As a
result, no sooner do 'I get one kid grinning
and giggling, and plunk him down, than
the other is standing there, arms extended.
As any grandfather knows, (grannies are
smarter and threaten to wash their faces
and the kids run), it is literally impossible
to ignor the upstretched arms of a tyke.
Consequently I reckon, roughly , that I
lifted about a ton and a 'half of
grandbabbies off the floor over the
weekend. Another forty-odd times I leaned
far over and separated them when mayhem
seemed imminent.
As any old codger with a slipped disc or
crumbling vertebrae can tell you, this is
known as the poor way, one of the worst, of
curing a sore back. The other poor way, the
absolutely worst, I won't tell y ou, as this is
a family journal.
To top it all, I have a week's vacation
coming up. I have a fairly grim certainty
that I'm going to be spending it, and a
couple after it, flat on my back.
Put you to bed. That's what doctors d o
when you go to them with a sore back. First
they poke you hard a few times in the sore
back and ask, "Does that hurt?" Of course
it does. Then they feel your belly, which is
not the greatest erotic experience in the
world. They tell you take a deep breath.
They tell you to cough. They seem fairly
sure you have a hernia. In the back?
"Can you move your legs?" they ask,
ignoring the fact that you walked from
your car into their outer waiting-room, and
from there into the torture chamber. "Does
it hurt to sit for long .periods?" Damm
right, You've just sat in the waiting-room
for an hour and a half after your
appointment time, and almost fainted
when you stood up.
Then, non-plussed as usual, they take off
their glasses and nod solemnly. 'Yes, it
seems sore all right. we'd better get a
picture of that." Translation: I haven't a .
clue, but maybe it will go away by the time
you get it X-rayed and the prints get back
to me. About 48 hours.
They give you some painkillers, "in case
you have some pain". At this point tears as
big as tea-bags are spurting out of your
eyes from pain. You emit something
between a groan and a squeal of pure pain
as you clamber down from that jeesly high
bed in their office.
Pain? Migawd, my wife came up this
morning to see why l hadn't come down for
breakfast, I was lying on the bedroom
floor, weeping. I'd just tried to pu't my
socks on.
Twice today, a police car pulled up as I
was trying to get out of my car. They'd
seen the door open and one leg emerge.
Two minutes later another leg hove into
view. After three more minutes, a
crouched, swaying torso followed. They
thought I was plastered. I was merely
trying to straighten up without •screaming.
All right? We know where we stand?
Don't expect any sweetness and light in
this column.
Now. Let's deal with that young rip,
Margaret Trudeau. My wife is on her side,
Newspaper columnists have been generally
kind,I asked a young person the other day
for an opinion on Margaret's shenanigans,
and got the predictable answer, "Sheet
oney dooner own thing. Snuthin wrongth
that.!'
I heartily disagree. There's such a thing
as responsibility, though the word makes
people cringe these days.If you can't stand
the heat, fine, get out of the kitchen. But
don't run into the public square and whine
that you're just trying to find yourself as a
person. That's juvenile. I have never been
a fan of her husband, but I admired his
domestic loyalty on this undoubtedly
painful occasion.
Speaking of the Trudeau's,, I'd love to
disinter a column I wrote a few months
back, when the Liberals were on the ropes,
and the political, vultures wereswarming to
pick the bones of the P.M. But that would
be saying "I told you so," one of the
nastiest sentences in the English language.
A prophet is indeed without honor, in his
own country. Sometimes in his own
kitchen.
Good for Harry Boyle, head of CRTC. He
has made it clear that our national
broadcasting company, whatever its faults,
is not merely 'a tool for keeping the Liberal
government in office, contrary to the
opinions of some Cabinet ministers. ,
About sweet teeth. I've never heard such
absolute crap as the banning of saccharine
because some mice got some cancer when
they were stuffed with the stuff. Far better,
I presume, to die of cigarettes or booze
than to expire from drinking, wo or three
hundred cans of saccharine-sweetened
drinks a day. I guess diabeticsand fatties
don't swing much weight at the polls.
There. I've vented some of my venom,
and my back feels better already. Instead
of feelilng li ke Prometheus, with that
vulture tearing out his liver, I merely have
the more moderate pain of a dog excreting
razor blades.
m a
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4-H
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'THE BRUSSELS POST, APRIL 6, 1977
Matt corner
Clinton 482-9732
Suddenly
IT'S
ALL WEATHER
COATS
A MUST FOR' THE
SPRING SEASON.
Shorts Regs. Tolls
FROM Savo UP
CASUAL JACKETS
Nylon
Fortrel and Cotton
Wools
FROM $10 •95 U P
AGENTS FOR GRAND BEND CLEANERS
gc.
We Welcome All to the
GOOD FRIDAY
SERVICE
,April 8th at 11 a.m.
A joint worship service of
Brussels United Church
and
Melville Presbyterian Church
at
Melville Presbyterian Church
Ronnenberg Insurance Agency
INCOME TAX
PREPARED
Farmers Businessmen — Individuals
— At Reasonable Rates —
File early to avoid the Rush
124 years Experience]
.Brussels Office Open Tuesday & Friday
Phone 887-6663
Monkton Office Open Monday thru Saturday
Phone 347-2241
Acting oh a recommendation of eir Development Committee,
uren County Council authodied
letter be forWarded to the nistry of Agriculture and Food,
ainagd Section, suggesting that Y money not required by
unicipalities in Huron. County
allocated to other nittnicipali- s in Huron which could use the ds,
The recornmeridation was the ult of a -meeting between the nanittee arid Don' Pullen;
riculture Representative for ron, at which Mr. Pullen sentecl a report which set out methods used by the Provihee allocating funds and amounts eked td i un cipalities in
Huron and the surrounding
counties.
Mcicillop Township Reeve
Allan Campbell asked just how
the funds could be redistributed
when each township did not know
until November at least how Mitch
money they had Used.
Morris TownshiP Reeve Rill
Elston explained that it would in
fact be funds from the previous
year which would be redistributed
to cover the cost of projects in
other areas.
Council also approved a budget
of $6,850 for the County Exhibit
at the 1978 International Plowing.
Match:
Another council endOrsernent
Went to a recommendation for the
continuation of the ' ARDA
program, on the same basis as hi
the past, and that the Ministers
responsible for a new agteement,
and Federal and Provincial
Mena
.
bett Parliament be
a&ised.
That endorsement arose from
lett& kith the Rural Oevelop,2
hieht ()Meet, Branch of
the Ministry of Agriculture and
Food, advising that the, ARDA
program in Ontario,. which began
in 1963', was coming. to the end of
its present Federal-Provincial
agteenient:
Roth OttaWa and atidetifg park
share in the financing' Of the •
iitogtant,