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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1977-04-06, Page 7Sugar and Spice by Bill Smiley Sour notes Don't expect the usual collection of optimistic opinion, cheery chat, and happy household hints normally found in this space, I'm feeling really mean this week. It St. Francis of Assisi himself showed up, I'd probably snarl, "Stop feeding those bloody birds! All they'll do is dump all over us." My normally sunny nature is soured by a sore back. It started out as just a little pain, like a breadknife going into my kidneys. You know. The sort of thing that makes you emit a startled "aarf!" when you straighten up after brushing your teeth and spitting in the sink: Lots of guys have that. It goes with the territory. Then my two grandboys came for the weekend.They weigh about fifty pounds between them. There's a certain amount of jealousy. Nobody can play,the same tunes on their fat necks that Grandad can, by simultaneously sucking and. blowing.' As a result, no sooner do 'I get one kid grinning and giggling, and plunk him down, than the other is standing there, arms extended. As any grandfather knows, (grannies are smarter and threaten to wash their faces and the kids run), it is literally impossible to ignor the upstretched arms of a tyke. Consequently I reckon, roughly , that I lifted about a ton and a 'half of grandbabbies off the floor over the weekend. Another forty-odd times I leaned far over and separated them when mayhem seemed imminent. As any old codger with a slipped disc or crumbling vertebrae can tell you, this is known as the poor way, one of the worst, of curing a sore back. The other poor way, the absolutely worst, I won't tell y ou, as this is a family journal. To top it all, I have a week's vacation coming up. I have a fairly grim certainty that I'm going to be spending it, and a couple after it, flat on my back. Put you to bed. That's what doctors d o when you go to them with a sore back. First they poke you hard a few times in the sore back and ask, "Does that hurt?" Of course it does. Then they feel your belly, which is not the greatest erotic experience in the world. They tell you take a deep breath. They tell you to cough. They seem fairly sure you have a hernia. In the back? "Can you move your legs?" they ask, ignoring the fact that you walked from your car into their outer waiting-room, and from there into the torture chamber. "Does it hurt to sit for long .periods?" Damm right, You've just sat in the waiting-room for an hour and a half after your appointment time, and almost fainted when you stood up. Then, non-plussed as usual, they take off their glasses and nod solemnly. 'Yes, it seems sore all right. we'd better get a picture of that." Translation: I haven't a . clue, but maybe it will go away by the time you get it X-rayed and the prints get back to me. About 48 hours. They give you some painkillers, "in case you have some pain". At this point tears as big as tea-bags are spurting out of your eyes from pain. You emit something between a groan and a squeal of pure pain as you clamber down from that jeesly high bed in their office. Pain? Migawd, my wife came up this morning to see why l hadn't come down for breakfast, I was lying on the bedroom floor, weeping. I'd just tried to pu't my socks on. Twice today, a police car pulled up as I was trying to get out of my car. They'd seen the door open and one leg emerge. Two minutes later another leg hove into view. After three more minutes, a crouched, swaying torso followed. They thought I was plastered. I was merely trying to straighten up without •screaming. All right? We know where we stand? Don't expect any sweetness and light in this column. Now. Let's deal with that young rip, Margaret Trudeau. My wife is on her side, Newspaper columnists have been generally kind,I asked a young person the other day for an opinion on Margaret's shenanigans, and got the predictable answer, "Sheet oney dooner own thing. Snuthin wrongth that.!' I heartily disagree. There's such a thing as responsibility, though the word makes people cringe these days.If you can't stand the heat, fine, get out of the kitchen. But don't run into the public square and whine that you're just trying to find yourself as a person. That's juvenile. I have never been a fan of her husband, but I admired his domestic loyalty on this undoubtedly painful occasion. Speaking of the Trudeau's,, I'd love to disinter a column I wrote a few months back, when the Liberals were on the ropes, and the political, vultures wereswarming to pick the bones of the P.M. But that would be saying "I told you so," one of the nastiest sentences in the English language. A prophet is indeed without honor, in his own country. Sometimes in his own kitchen. Good for Harry Boyle, head of CRTC. He has made it clear that our national broadcasting company, whatever its faults, is not merely 'a tool for keeping the Liberal government in office, contrary to the opinions of some Cabinet ministers. , About sweet teeth. I've never heard such absolute crap as the banning of saccharine because some mice got some cancer when they were stuffed with the stuff. Far better, I presume, to die of cigarettes or booze than to expire from drinking, wo or three hundred cans of saccharine-sweetened drinks a day. I guess diabeticsand fatties don't swing much weight at the polls. There. I've vented some of my venom, and my back feels better already. Instead of feelilng li ke Prometheus, with that vulture tearing out his liver, I merely have the more moderate pain of a dog excreting razor blades. m a the efore nt in pital, leedy and were know itson ilton I d on at the . The annett iening ' was would I di at le roll ;s you at and rtreed put For are to up to erent lents, 4-H uron to share drainage$1 'THE BRUSSELS POST, APRIL 6, 1977 Matt corner Clinton 482-9732 Suddenly IT'S ALL WEATHER COATS A MUST FOR' THE SPRING SEASON. Shorts Regs. Tolls FROM Savo UP CASUAL JACKETS Nylon Fortrel and Cotton Wools FROM $10 •95 U P AGENTS FOR GRAND BEND CLEANERS gc. We Welcome All to the GOOD FRIDAY SERVICE ,April 8th at 11 a.m. A joint worship service of Brussels United Church and Melville Presbyterian Church at Melville Presbyterian Church Ronnenberg Insurance Agency INCOME TAX PREPARED Farmers Businessmen — Individuals — At Reasonable Rates — File early to avoid the Rush 124 years Experience] .Brussels Office Open Tuesday & Friday Phone 887-6663 Monkton Office Open Monday thru Saturday Phone 347-2241 Acting oh a recommendation of eir Development Committee, uren County Council authodied letter be forWarded to the nistry of Agriculture and Food, ainagd Section, suggesting that Y money not required by unicipalities in Huron. County allocated to other nittnicipali- s in Huron which could use the ds, The recornmeridation was the ult of a -meeting between the nanittee arid Don' Pullen; riculture Representative for ron, at which Mr. Pullen sentecl a report which set out methods used by the Provihee allocating funds and amounts eked td i un cipalities in Huron and the surrounding counties. Mcicillop Township Reeve Allan Campbell asked just how the funds could be redistributed when each township did not know until November at least how Mitch money they had Used. Morris TownshiP Reeve Rill Elston explained that it would in fact be funds from the previous year which would be redistributed to cover the cost of projects in other areas. Council also approved a budget of $6,850 for the County Exhibit at the 1978 International Plowing. Match: Another council endOrsernent Went to a recommendation for the continuation of the ' ARDA program, on the same basis as hi the past, and that the Ministers responsible for a new agteement, and Federal and Provincial Mena . bett Parliament be a&ised. That endorsement arose from lett& kith the Rural Oevelop,2 hieht ()Meet, Branch of the Ministry of Agriculture and Food, advising that the, ARDA program in Ontario,. which began in 1963', was coming. to the end of its present Federal-Provincial agteenient: Roth OttaWa and atidetifg park share in the financing' Of the • iitogtant,