HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1977-03-16, Page 8Here are just a few examples:
30" Range . . from $289.00
30" Self Clean Range
with timer, white or coloured . $429.00
no charge for colour!
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Sugar and Spice
by Bill Smiley
The spinoff racket
This is a sale you can't afford to miss!,
One of the great rackets these days is the
television series "spinoff." When a TV
producer has a popular show, and one of
the secondary characters is even mildly
amusing, first thing you know that
character has a show of his or her, own.
This proliferates until you have spinoffs
of spinoffs. It's like taking a bottle of fine
whiskey, doubling the quantity by adding
an equal amount of water, and selling it at
the same price per shot as the original.
Then yotr take this mouthwash and
further dilute it by adding more water, and
you go on selling this at the original price.
It works fine and makes a lot of money until
the consumer finally realizes he could get
more bang out of a glass of buttermilk; and
he starts drinking buttermilk, and you are
left with a large supply of gargle on your
hands.
Norman 'Lear was the first TV producer
to realize that people like watching bigotry
and bathroom jokes even more than they
like watching violence. Thus was born All
in 'the Family, one of the great money-
makers of all time in TV land.
From this was spun off Maude. The
bigotry became phoney liberalism and the
bathroom jokes become bedroom j okes,
but it was the same slick formula, and it
worked.
It was only a step from the slick to the
sick, and brother Lear came up with M ary
Hartman, Mary Hartman, which, while not
quite a spinoff, is of the genre. Its favorite
refrain is "Oh, Gawd. Oh, my Gawd.-
Excellent fare for the morbid or diseased
mind.
Another good original show, The Mary
Tyler Moore _Show, spun; or spawned
Phyllis and Rhoda, each starring one of the
most selfcentred, ' unpleasant women a
writer could dream up, and each laced with
borderline bad taste.
There's nothing wrong with all this, I
suppose, in a free enterprise system, and
nobody forces you to watch the garbage.
But there is only so much that the
stomach will take before it will spew. And
there is only so much that the mind will
take before you will experience an
intellectual vomit, and switch to watching
the wrestling matches, where at least
nobody is trying to pretend it's anything
but phoney.
However, perhaps I'm rushing my
fences a bit. I'm a realist. If everybody else
is getting into the spinoff busines ss maybe
I should jump on the bandwaggon. There's
money in it, and besides, it might be one
way of putting an end to it. My record is
perfect.
Just after the war, I met an old buddy
who'd become a-brOker. He was investing
in gold-stocks and hauling in the loot.
Gave me a hot tip, I plunged, with some of
the back pay I'd built up while in prison
camp. Met the guy six months later. He'd
lost his home and his boat and was selling
farm machinery. I owned 300 shares of
muskeg in Northern Ontario.
After that I stayed away froth the market
until mutuals were the thing. They were
showing tr emendous growth and
potential. Once bitten, I hestitated, but
then dived in with my $200 savings. It
seems I arrived just after the mutuals had
nibbled some of that biscuit Alice did so
she could go through the rabbit hole, or
whatever. They shrank almost overnight to
$85 worth.
Last November, in one last desperate
effort to enjoy a luxurious old age, I bought
two $100 Canada Savings Bonds. Two
weeks later there was an election in
Quebec, and now we don't even know
whether there'll always be a Canada.
In January of this year, I bought a
second-hand Ford. A week later I read in
the paper that the Ford Motor Company
was making payments for extraordinary
rust to owners of Fords in my vintage.'
Then I read the small print. The payments
had ended on Dec. 30, 1976. My Ford has
rust.
So, with a track record,like that, maybe I '
can administer the kiss of death to the
spinoff business. Thought I'd start by
producing some spinoffs of my column.
There's no problem about talent. My
family is loaded with writers. Both my son
and daughter specialize in pathos. They
can write letters so pathetic that you are
weeping all over the page and writing a
cheque at the same time.
My wife can knock out a grocery list as
long as your arm without even stopping to
suck the pen. And she is not only talented
as a writer. She's an outstanding and ,
outspoken critic, as well. She can rip up the
punctuation and purpose, the style and
substance of, one of my columns with both ,
hands tied behind her back. Which is the
only way it is safe to read some of them to
her.
And there'll be no difficulty about
content. My daugher is expert on women's
Lib, music, and mooching. -
My son is fluent in English, French,
Spanish, the Indian dialect of the natives of
Paraguay, and mooching.
And the old lady is an expert on
everything, and admits it. She has been
bottling up this veritable fountain of
knowledge for decades, except during
breakfast, before and after dinner, and all
weekend. Giving her a column of her own
would be like punching a 20-foot hole in
boulder Darn.
IN two or three years, I might even get
the grandboys into it. At the moment, they
are busily stuffing their memory banks. As
soon as they can write, you may.,expect '
some sizzling stuff: Five Years as a
Misunderstood Child;
Daycare Centre Depression: the Inside
Story on Sadistic Social Workers Who
Make You Give Back a Toy You've Ripped
Off From Some Other Kid.
If my column spinoffs don't put an end to
the spinoff nonsense in about 30 days, I'll
ear every paper in which this one appears,
with or without ketchup.
For the past 2 months we have been
'Arming and assembling a sale which is
one-of-rs-g-kind! We have approximately a
$250,000 stock of first linelV'S and
appliances, and the best,service and
warranty in the business! And,it's all
at our RR 2, Listowel location.
44 Owing to the special prices on these
items, our advertising budget is limited,
so we can't show pictures . . . so
COME DOWN AND SEE THE
MERCHANDISE IN PERSON!
"71
We have brand names such as:
* General Electric
* Quasar
* Morse
* Gibson
* Findlay
* Simplicity
* Norge
•
* RCA
* 'Sharp
* Moffat
* Leonard
* Gurney
* Modern Maid
* Electrophonic
We are putting unheard of prices in
these days of inflation on this high
quality merchandise from
FEBRUARY 24 to -MARCH 28, 77.
These are delivered prices. For pick-up,
deduct 3% of the price.
15' cu. ft. Frost Free
Refrigerator (white or colour) . . . $419.00
4 Speed Washers (white) . . . $319.00
Dryers (white)•. . $179.00
Dryer with auto. dry cycl:e-Awhite) . . . $199.
Dishwasher - 6 push buttons . $309.00
(white or colour)
i6implicity Spin Washer . . $259.00
23 cu. ft. Freezer (whitel . . $299.00
Built-in Dishwasher (any colour)' .'. . $269.0
When you purchase a refrigerator, choose from left
or right hand doors, colours, side by side models.
Many models, sizes and makes in stock. Big
values in refrigerators, ranges, washers and dryers1..„,
dishwashers, TV's and stereos.
Poetry entries are invited
In cooperation with the Coiling-
wood Area Ar is Council and the
Great Canadian Poetry Weekend
II, General Living Systems , Ltd.
of Collingwood will coordinate a
Poetry Competition for amateur
poets from emit unities across
Canada.
Poems of every kind and from
every age group will be
Welcoined. A committee of four,
each from a different vocation will
select the 25 best poems. With
over 5750,00 in prizes involved )
the top three will receive money
awards, the next three will
receive scholarshipS to the Great
Canadian Poetry Weekend II, at
Blue Mcitintain, Collingwood,
May 21-23. The best 25 poems
8--1118 BRUSSELS POST,,
will all receive poetry-writing.
handbooks, Warphigs: by Brian
Meeson, Canadian Book Society,
All entrants will receive The
Laureate, a presentation of the
top 25 poems in print.
Deadline for entries is April 30
and entry forms are available
from Poetry Compettion, general
Living Systems Ltd., 128
Hurontario Street, Collingwood,
Ontario.
20" Portable TV with automatic
AGC Control . . . $39C W'
Full ConSole TV with Castors-Completely automatic a . $6
45" Console Stereo with record . . $21940
oe Console with record . . $21,.00
Owing to the lo* prices on thete items, there will be no
trades accepted. Ask to see our used department. -
— ItR 2
it
listowel ;Ontario
tel. 29144810
tiara Hours:'
till
MARCH 16, 1977
HAYWARb S
Discount Variety .
Cosmetics Tobacco
Patent Medicines
Groceries and Stationery
Weekdays 9-9 Holidays-! Sundays • 2-6 daily Monday Ara Friday
9 o.m. to 0,M.; Saturdays
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