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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1977-01-19, Page 7Sugar and_ Spice by Bill Smiley Civil War? I was glad to hear, in his end-of-yeat news conference, that Prime Minister Trudeau had no plans for keeping Quebec within the Dominion of Canada by force, should separation of that province be approved by its people in a referendum. I'm sure many another old sweat of my vintage who is still on the reserve list also breathed a sigh of relief. One of the many things we old vets don't need is a civil war. One war in one lifetime is enough for any man. Most of us • would have trouble completing the deshabille of a stripper in a burlesque show, let alone stripping a machine gun. And I think we might have a little trouble completing a route march from, say, Kingston to Cornwall, to repell an invasion strike from La Belle Province. Personally, I am puffing like a grampus after scraping a bit of ice off my windshiel d I have to lie down for five minutes after carrying out the garbage. Can any of you guys of' my vintage imagine being sent out on a night patrol, probably on skis, to take a few prisoners? What we'd probably have to do is dump the skis, hail a cab, head for a bilingual bar across the border, and bring back a couple of go-go girls. Might be fun at .that, if they'd let us use some common sense, which, of course, the military will never allow. If the feds re-enlisted a brigade or two of old kriegies (prisoners-of-war) they'd have their hands full —First • of all,, the kriegies would steal, just out of habit, everything that was not nailed or bolted down. Secondly, kriegies are t :rained to escape and head west. Stick two bri!lades of them on th6 Quebec border and in a couple of, weeks, after stealing a train or two, they'd wind up in Alberta. Ancient naval persons might be; better off in a civil war. They don't have to walk to work. They could charge up and 'down the Ott awa River, firing broadsides of . bilingual propaganda into the streets of Hull. Ex-airmen wouldn't be of much use. Most of them are so portly they wouldn't be able to get through the escape hatch if their aircraft were hit. Perhaps they could be reorganized as a special low-flying force,. equipped with snowmobiles, and sent out to harass the enemy by driving all over his farmers' fields on the snow, thus ruining his crops for the next season. Former paratroopers wouldn't be of much use, either. Most of them have grown so heavy that they'd plummet like bricks, and the screams of arthritic ag ony when they hit the ground would destroy any element of surprise. •• Thinking it over, we must conclude that a civil war in Canada, using nothing but reservists, would certainly be comical, but not too dangerous. Most of the casualties would be in the Legion halls, each night after the "fighting" was over. And speaking of the Legion halls, a civil war would certainly add a little spice to the rather dreary dialogue that is the norm. Instead of monotonous mutterings about the last bingo game or the next shuffleboard tournament, you'd hear stuff like this: "Ja hear what Quebec Cora said on the TV tonight?" "Ya. She said the frogs captured a whole battalion of the Canadian Army today an there wuzzen a man in it below the rank of sergeant. Eighty-five colonels, 150 majors ,and so on." ' "Right. And 50 per cent of the officers was French-Canadian." "It figures. But she's a good lookin broad, right?" If it does come to civil war, you can include me out. And that goes for all my old friends, including a few Germans who fought on the other side in WW 11 and are now happy Canadians. . But that doesn't mean we wouldn't make our contribution, our sacrifices, if needs must. My contribution would be to over-all strategy, which has always been my strong point. You should see me plotting to get someone else to mow my lawn, put on my storm windows, shovel my walk. Hereby some suggestions, First, if the feds want a .short, swift victory. Muster. every aircraft in the country, load them with every scrap of paper in Ottawa, man them with civil servants under the command of Otto Lang, and bomb. Not only the separatists, but the entire province of Quebec, would be obliterated • for a generation. An alternative to this would be to build a fence right around the province, constructed of all the red tape in Ottawa. It would take the Quebecois 10 years to cut their way out, and they'd have forgotten referendums and such. If these methods of an easy solution are not dramatic enough for you, here's my final offer. Muster alt the politicians, lawyers and Women's Libers in the rest of Canada. Fly them to a remote section of Newfoundland. Muster all the politicians, lawyers and Anglophobes in Quebec. Fly them to the same place. No conventional weapons for either side. Then let them beat each other to death with unveiled innuendoes, deliberate mis- information, absolute ambiguities, legal torts, trial balloons, and shrill cries of "French male chauvinist pigs," and "Maudites Anglais abortionistes." It would be lovely and peaceful in the rest of the country. And the bleeding, battered winners could have Newfy, where the locals would hunt them down for sport, as they did the Beothuk Indians. . Wawanosh staff 'gets. 6% 'raise t4ri: Aoki 7 • Milo ea 0101 • 1 1 z January Sale • • <••1*,ipr,••-,•,s:,,.. sf 20" Solid State Modular Color Portable only OUR STOCK MUST BE REDUCED Our - Our Location SAVES YOU MONEY! IVIerwood C Smith,Ltd RR 2 Listowel, Ontario Tel. 291.3510 Store Hours: Open daily Monday *nu Friday 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.; Saturdays till S p.m. THE .BRUSSELS POST, JANUARY 19,' Ott ,64 Correspondent Mrs. Joe Walker Mr, and Mrs, John K. MacTavish of Brantford visited on the weekend with Mr. and Mrs. Alex MacTavish and Mrs. Robert McKinnon. Bluevale Bowling League Men's High single and triple, Wendell Stamper, 251, 602; Ladies' High Single and Triple, - Marjorie Pellett, 308, 658. Games over 200 - Ethel McMichael, 216, Mary Beth Riley, 200, 223; Audrey Johnston, 202, Bonnie Johnston 225; Bill Brown 206; Hughie Tayne .238; Cecil Clarke, oovOlei Bowlers score The council of the Township of East Wawanosh held it's inaugural meeting for the year on January 4 at the East Wawanosh Public Works Garage. 'Reeve Hallahan presided and all the - members, John A. Currie, Neil Vincent, Ralph Campbell and Donald Dow were present. Rev. John Roberts addressed council and was thanked by Reeve Hallahan. A by-law borrowing $225,000.00 until the taxes are collected. The Canadian lniperial Bank of Commerce was appointed banker of the Corporation. Memberships were paid in the "Good Roads Assocaition" $25.00 and Ontario Farm Drainage $25.00 plus $8.00 registtation.. Appointments were made: Maitland Valley Conservation Authority : Ross Taylor (2 year term); Wingham Hospital RepreSentdtive: Mrs. ISobel Arbuckle; East Wawanosh Recreation, Parks and Community Centre Board: Neil Vincent, Ralph Campbell, Robert Marshsall ) Tom Black, Leonard Robinson; Auburn Hall Board: Ralph Campbell; Wingham and Distrct Fire Committee; Jelin Currie, Donald Dow; Blyth and District Fire Committee; Simon Hallahan, Ralph Campbell; Blyth Unioncenieteryt Simon H allahan;L Pence-Viewers; George McGee, John Jamieson, Phil Dawson, John Lockhart, John Hallahan, John • Atmstrong; Pound-KeeperS; John A. Currie, Ocitnye Wilts; Blyth MuniCipal Recreation. Committee; Robert Marshall; Livestock Valuers: Robert Charter, Murray Shiell; Solicitors: Goodall and Campbell, Wingham; Auditors: MacGillivray & Co. Ltd., Listowel; Farm Safety Council; Maurice Hallahan; Tile Drainage Inspector: John Gaunt. An increase of 6% was approved to all salaries and wages of township employees. The Reeve will be paid $750. per annum and councillors $550 per annum. Convention expenses were set at $70. per day plus registration. The Road Account of $10,116.25 and General Accounts of $1,171.4'4 were passed for • payment. Council will meet again on February t at 1 p.m, 209;' Marjorie Pellett 308; • Wendell Stamper 261; Ron McMichael 206; Fran Golley, 201; Ken Edgar, 201. ' Seven tables of euchre were played in the Bluevale Community Hall, Thursday night when Mr. and Mrs. Wes. Paulin and Mr. and Mrs. Joe Walker were in charge. Those winning prizes wre: - High Lady - Mrs. Mung MacFarlane; Low Lady - Mrs. Harvey Edgar ; High Man - Carl Frieburger; Low Man - Cameron Ross; Lucky DraW - Mrs. Carl Frieburger. The next euchre will be January 20.