HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1976-06-02, Page 7,Sugar - and Spice
by Bill, Smiley
My wife the wizard
Some women's hearts are won by French
perfume, mink coats, and diamonds.I've
managed to steer clear of this type.
All it takes to m ake my wife happy is a
new machine. After years of comparative
poverty, during, which everything we had
was second-hand, falling apart, or broken,
I am occasionally able to gratify her lust for
something 'that hums, . purrs, growls or
roars. None of those verbs "applies to me,
by the way.
It doesn't matter what it is, .anything
from a kitchen gadget to a grand piano; it
pleases her pink , for a while.
Not for her the big bouquet on Mother's
Day, the fancy ear-rings on her birthday,
the coluptuous dressing-gown for
Christmas. She wants no part of such
frivolities. Just give her something that
beats 'or churns or sews or polishes, and
she's in ecstacy.
I didn't know this when we were first
married. I thought ,she was a normal,
greedy woman, and kept trying to please
her by buying blouses that didn't fit,
sweaters the wrong color, earrings she
wouldn't be found dead in.
My first knowledge of her true cravings,
in material possessions, came after we'd
been married a year. I was .a student
veteran. Our total income was $88 a month,
believe it or n ot. Our rent was $75 a
month. We ate only because I took part-
time and vacation jobs.
One day I came home and was stunned
to discover she'd bought a sewing
machine, far $149.95. She had also signed
up for a sewing course, at $15 and had
bought material to make a suit, for $20. I
had, never been stingy, but 'I was a trifle
aghast.
She had bought it on the instalment
plan, naturally. The story has a reasonably
happy ending. She quit the sewing course
after a few lessons, finally ,threvK out the
suit material, abOut 10 years later. But she
traded in that sewing machine on a new
one the other day, and got $75 for the old
one. So her sewing has cost her about three
dollars a year, • over the years. Even a
skinflint• couldn't quarrel with that.
Another day \I came home and .steam
started coming out of My. navel when,._ she
coolly informed me she'd bought a' grand
piano,, for about $4,000, also on the
instalment plan. Our income by this time
was just about $4,000 a year.
"Migawd," I thought. "Hate to 'do it,
but I'm going to have to have her
committed. We've gotta educate the kids,
pay the mortgage. She'll ruin us."
Once again, her extravagance turned out
to be shrewd- dealing.She -gave piano
lessons, the kids were educated, the
mortgage is paid. And the other day, an
expert told her the grand piano , as it
stands, is worth about $5,500.
I compare these gambits with my own
investments, in which a couple of thousand
dollars worth of stocks inevitably wind
up as 50 shares of moose pasture, and I
can't be anything but humble.
This has gone on through the years
between, and I've never ceased to be
amazed at this woman's thing about' a new
machine.
There's only one flaw in her aberration.
Get her a piano and you never get a meal.
She's too busy playing the thing. Get
her a record player„ and everybody who
'comes in range must be interviewed.
Forget about reading a book or relaxing.
Right now, it's the new sewing machine.
It 's a beauty, according to her, a Bernina,
the Cadillac of sewing machines. It will do
anything. In, a flash, your garment will
have seven new buttonholes or a
monogram stitched onto the pocket in
purple thread.
We're probably the only people in town
who can read in bed without taking a book.
We just' turn down the sheets and spell out
what she has stitched all over them. Things
like: "Cold ,feet make cool bed-fellows"
and "Some limousine is my, sewing
machine," and "How now, brown cow:'
It's a lot of fun, but it's hard to get to sleep
with all ttiat Braille stitching tapping out
messages on your anatomy.
I'll admit the new machine will do
everything but button. up your fly. But it's
playing havoc with our domestic life. She
can't drag herself away from it.
The Old Lady is up at five o'clock in the
morning, sewing. She sneaks down after
the news at 11 p.m. to whip off a few
stitches.,
I have to get most of the meals. She has
time to iron only one' shirt and wash one
pair of socks at a time, which rather keeps
me on edge„ sartorially. I am barraged with
totally incomprehensible terms such as
tucks, darts, pleats, basting, gathering.
I know it will end, once she is on more
familiar terms with her new toy. But until
then, it is rather like living with a child who
has discovered what fun it is to pound on-a
drum.
Maybe I should have got her one of those
garden tractors, with a tiller and cultivator.
At least she'd be getting some fresh air,
and I'd be getting some peas. .
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Ephesion 3, was read in unison.
Mary Davidson led in prayer and
Joan Exel had the meditation
"Digital Clock Time".
Agnes Ten. Pas was introduced
by Margaret McCutcheon and
showed slides of Brazil Where she
and her husband were on a
working holiday in helping build
homes for Bible Translators. They
were informative pictutes
showing the ,Work being
accomplished among the.'natives
And scenes from the COluntry. She
explained the pictures as, she
showed them, She was thanked
by Margaret McCutcheori on
behalf of the Guild.
Joan Exel favoured by Singing
"How Great Then Art"
Margaret
p MCCtitCheon
presidedfor businesa which
included reports, and ati
invitation read froiri Melville W,M.S. to attend their' Stine meeting, on June 4 *hen .Miss Harrel
Brothers,. form&
Lunch. Was served by Mary
Davidson, Margaret McCutcheon
and Joan Exel.
NOW PAYING
A HIGH RATE OF
3 0/ Guaranteed /
at 0 Trust
'Certificates for 5 yearternri,
„a member of the Canada Deposit
Insurance Corporation
Ronnenberg
• Insurance Agency
B russels .ivenTuegdayt and: Fridays •
Phone 887,6663
MONXTON 'PRONE 441,1241.
Monday .,..„..„
G uild sees slides. of Brazil
Melville Guild met in the resident of Brussels, will speak on
church when the meeting was India where she was a missionary
opened_by a poem read by Mary for many years.
Davidson. The scripture lesson,
Huronvi!w.
Step dancers •
7
a r e entertainers
Miss Henrietta Stryker assisted at the Clinton Christian
.,Reform Song Service with vocal solos and provided her own
guitar accompaniment. Dick Roorda led the service, and. Mrs.
Elsie Henderson, played for the singing of favourite hymns.
Seventy grade eleven and twelve students from the Clinton.
High School accompanied by their teachers Mrs. Robinson
and Mr. Allin visited Huronview on Tuesday and. Wednesday
afternoon. The students ar .rived at one o'clock and were
taken on a one hour tour of the Home after which they spent
awhile visiting with the residents individually.
Mr. and. Mrs. Victor Stackhouse of Londesboro arranged
the program for Family Night and Victor was emcee for the
evening. Fred James, violinst from Goderich, was
accompanied at the piano by his sister Mrs. Marilyn Hoy with
several' favourite old tyme tunes. A dancing trio, Pat
Stackhouse, Anne Marie McQuaid and Ted Elliott danced
three numbers with duet step dancing by Madona McQuaid
— Margaret Hicknell. Paul and Anne Marie McQuaid played
a violin duet accompanied at the piano by: Mrs. McQuaid of
Seaforth. Theresa & Margaret Hicknell, Seaforth, provided
the vocal part of the program singing two groups of songs
with Theresa providing the guitar accompaniment.
Mrs. Mary Appleby thanked the entertainers on behalf of
the residents for an hour of fine entertainment.
Ed. :Stiles entertained with organ music on Thursday
afternoon and accompanied Mrs. Betty Rodgers with vocal
solos.
HAYWARD'S
Discount -- Variety
Patent Medicines Cosmetics
Tobacco Groceries and Stationary
Weekdays 9-9 Holidays 8 Sundays 12-6
•
macloott
MACLAND WALL SYSTEMS
CONCRETE FORMING CONTRACTORS
P.O. Box 130 Wingham, Ontario
CONCRETE WALLS
BUNKER SILOS
HOUSE FOUNDATIONS
357-3182
NOTICE to
BRUSSELS
TAXPAYERS
You will receive your
1975 Tax Notice
the week of J une 7th.
The fiestpaymerit will be. due
June 30th, 1976 -
Wm., H. King
Tax. Co led0
Village of 'Brussels.
THE BRUSSELS '0061to 4uNe,